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Relationships People who need people; or, why can't we all just get along? |
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11-09-2006, 08:39 PM | #1 |
Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
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Where is the line between loyalty to one's spouse and loyalty to one's self?
Where do you draw the line?
Who "wins" in case of a tie? What is "winning"?
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11-09-2006, 08:59 PM | #2 |
changed his status to single
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i guess that depends on the issue. context?
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11-09-2006, 09:41 PM | #3 |
trying hard to be a better person
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
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If you have no loyalty to yourself, how can you possibly be loyal to someone else? I vote self.
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Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber |
11-09-2006, 10:04 PM | #4 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Say, "Yes dear"....then do what you want. That's what my ex always did.
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11-09-2006, 11:57 PM | #5 |
trying hard to be a better person
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
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My hubby just says yes dear and lets me do what I want. I'm sure this is why we'll be together for a long time.
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Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber |
11-10-2006, 02:05 AM | #6 |
Person who doesn't update the user title
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Location: La Crosse, WI
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My spouse is me, and I am her.
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Annoy the ones that ignore you!!! I live a blessed life I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!! Heavily medicated for the good of mankind. |
11-10-2006, 02:15 AM | #7 |
Encroaching on your decrees
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I'm with lookout here, we need context, please ...
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Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of |
11-10-2006, 07:16 AM | #8 |
Banned - Self Imposed
Join Date: Dec 2005
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No matter how loyal you are to your spouse in ANY situation, you must be true to yourself. It took me 17 years and everything I own to figure that one out. I am now happier than ever and actually LIVING life now not just existing.
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11-10-2006, 08:21 AM | #9 |
Wearing her bitch boots
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Floriduh
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Having boundaries mean you are aware of and protect the lines where what is good for your spouse conflicts with what is good for you. A healthy relationship is like a seesaw of power. Each person must have the opportunity to be in the up (powerful) position. The length of time they remain in control of the outcome of 'ties' varies between relationships, but if their partner is never allowed to be the powerful one, the partner will eventually become resentful and defiant, so the relationship breaks down.
If you are referring to morals and values, presumably, the two of you discussed and agreed on these prior to committing to each other. I know I wouldn't marry someone who had the potential to rob a bank or abuse my children. So before I even allow someone into my life as a mate, I must know that we are on the same page in regards to our morals and values. Everyone should know what they absolutely will not tolerate. In addition, they need to know what they absolutely cannot live without. Everything in between is negotiable and these compromises contribute to or detract from the balance of power. The enormity of the compromises needs to be considered, as well. If Mr. A decides to move his family halfway across the country, Mrs. A should have the opportunity to make a choice of similar impact. I feel that this sort of thinking keeps a relationship balanced and partners rather than subordinate/superior. This is my experience anyway. And it may be totally off base because, as others have said, no context for the original question was given. Stormie
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11-10-2006, 09:31 AM | #10 |
Come Spoon With Me
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Location: Raytown, Missouri
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All relationships are a compromise...you give some and you take some. It is a balance. Sometimes you have to do more giving than taking, but it usually shakes out in the end somewhere.
I find the choice of the word "loyalty" to be interesting. I expect loyalty from my husband. I am true to myself. However, I have certainly put aside my own wants (and sometimes needs) in favor of what was in the best interest of the marriage. Agreeing with others here, context is needed. |
11-10-2006, 09:34 AM | #11 | |
still says videotape
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Quote:
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11-10-2006, 09:45 AM | #12 | |
Come Spoon With Me
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Location: Raytown, Missouri
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Quote:
Els and I are fairly competative people, against others and each other sometimes. We both like to win, and we both have a problem of always wanting the last word. However, this is often not in our best interest. I'm trying to remember to fight FOR the marriage and FOR compromise, and not to win. If I trust him and trust in his love for me, then I don't need to worry about winning because I know that he will always want what is in my best interests....and if he doesn't, I know where the frying pan and the super glue are.
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"If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise." - Robert Fritz |
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11-10-2006, 11:27 AM | #13 | |
Go, you might meet someone
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Quote:
So one day I decided I was done, moved out the next day. Never felt a moment of regret. He was such a drain in my spirit.
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Okay it's just me.. be nice, okay? |
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11-10-2006, 12:01 PM | #14 | |
When Do I Get Virtual Unreality?
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11-10-2006, 10:06 PM | #15 | |
The future is unwritten
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Quote:
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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