What's scorching your groove today?

[Clodfobble]

I'm sorry Bri, that sounds awful. People can really suck sometimes.

[Trilby]

I'm being a real whiner today.

Don't know what that's about.

I hate when I get like this...

[jimhelm]

Hit that motherfucker right back.

hard

why not, he'll forget in ten minutes.

Now is the hour of your revenge. You've waited a long long time for this day to come. carpe diem.

[Trilby]

good one, jim.

Maybe it's part vaca let-down (you know - that feeling that you're in dead, dry, flat, brown OHIO instead of Magical Maine) AND being with my sister and folks for over an entire week with NO WAY OUT (exhausting!) And my older son living with me while he waits for his apt. in Columbus to become available...and that my dad is a motherfucker.

Like Madeline Kahn, I'm tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired.

[monster]

Why in the hell is that man in your life? Bioligical connection does not trump assault.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by monster

Why in the hell is that man in your life? Bioligical connection does not trump assault.

really good question.

I feel a love and loyalty to my mom - though she never defended any of us from him- and she lives with him, cannot drive. If I want to see her I have to go to her place - but, in all honesty, I could pick her up and bring her to my house or go to a coffee shop. It's a misplaced sort of 'family binds' kind of thing. misplaced feelings. Never sorted or resolved in all this time. It's boring, even to me but sometimes he just really gets to me and today is one of those times.

[Undertoad]

Your alcoholism is due to trying to manage emotional reactions due to this kind of mental and physical abuse as a child.

- Loveline
- Work the program

[Trilby]

Maybe so, maybe so. Ultimately it's up to me to not drink. Drinking was a way to deal, no doubt, then it turned on me; knowing I cannot handle alcohol, knowing I am alcoholic, I have a responsibility to NOT DRINK regardless of the reasons. Thanks for understanding, though. It's complicated.

I do try to work the program (with a sponsor and everything!) but CBT has been a lot more helpful in re-training my thoughts. Even so, his voice still gets stuck in my head now and then. Such a negative, nasty, hateful, sick and evil man.

He told me he was going to outlive me. He really plans on that. Nothing would please him more than to plant me in the ground. It's THAT much hate.
Ugh.

[zippyt]

Bri ,
Walk away from him !!! You are Old enough to make choices in your life , make one , You DON'T Need that much Crasy , walk away , i did , from my sister , havent had ANY thing to do with her in YEARS !!!!
oh and the NEXT time he Hits you , STOMP HIS ASSS !!! He should be laying on the ground Nursing his nutz or bleeding with you screaming at him from above

[Undertoad]

Originally Posted by Brianna

I do try to work the program (with a sponsor and everything!) but CBT has been a lot more helpful in re-training my thoughts. Even so, his voice still gets stuck in my head now and then. Such a negative, nasty, hateful, sick and evil man.

Unfortunately, he had the advantage over you, because he got to you while your brain was still developing.

Tell us, just for understanding, did he face equal or worse abuse when he was young? How much of his hatred is self-hatred?

[Trilby]

His family was poor during his childhood (in the '30's....whose family wasn't poor?) but they were the same as everyone else around them, money-wise. They were loved and healthy. The most telling thing is that his brothers and sisters are NOT like him (he's the oldest of five kids) they are, actually, a nice bunch. They love to laugh and get together. They all live close to one another - he's the only one who moved away.

His mother was definitely a "strong" woman and was boss of the house. His sisters are strong women, too. He married a helpless cheerleader who couldn't find her way out of a paper bag with both hands.

The only thing that may have been a problem was his dad would drink IF he had the money to do it, which wasn't often, and was out of work a lot, but so were a lot of people. His dad used to have to ask his mom "for an old dollar" to go to the bar. She held the purse strings and ran the household. She could be tough. And she was really smart. A smart, tough lady with five kids and an iff-y husband. That's his story. His dad keeled over in our bathroom when he was 55 - he smoked Camels (unfiltered) till the day he died. His mom lived to be 95.

[Undertoad]

Alcoholism is hereditary so unfortunately there's another root you have to deal with.

I brotherly/sisterly love you Bri and everything I say here is out of caring about you.

How much did dad drink when you were a youth?

[Trilby]

My dad will drink a beer maybe two, three times a year. ONE BEER.

He says his own dad was NOT an alcoholic but my mother says that Grandpa would drink the entire bottle of whiskey in one setting if he had it. The impediment to his alcoholism was lack of funds, apparently.

I know your questions are out of caring. I appreciate it. I appreciate trying to understand and trying to be understood.

My mom's mother was a morphine addict. Yeah, it runs pretty deep both ways.

[Undertoad]

Yeeah... during my mom's heart recovery, she told me some of the deep family stories which indicated what a compleat and total bitch her mom was. Amazing to hear and realize that these people weren't the gramma-grampa saints I ever thought they were.

[Aliantha]

I'm going with Jim.

First, hit him back, but follow it up with a quick visit to an old people's home. Like the one on 'The Simpsons'.

I know I'm not help. I wouldn't still be putting up with that. My Dad never hit me, but there was a time in our lives where our relationship became untenable and I walked away from it for almost 3 years. Things are good now, but sometimes you do just have to walk.