A dating question for Parents...

Snow Flake · 10-26-2005, 12:04 AM

If your daughtor who was 17 was dating a 23 year old, How would you feel about that? Even if, you thought he was 18 and you totally loved him. When you found out he was 23, would you let her continue to date him? Or would you put an end to it?

wolf · 10-26-2005, 12:22 AM

I'd recommend ending it, but then, of course, your underage daughter who is probably beyond the age of sexual consent* will hate you, not listen to you, sneak around, get knocked up out of spite, and probably make at least one lame-ass suicide attempt because you are keeping her from seeing the one true love she will ever have in her life and if she doesn't stay with him she'll die an old maid. Or become a lesbian.

* Yes, she is. In Maryland it's 16.

itsjulie · 10-26-2005, 06:11 AM

You mentioned that you loved him - so I assume he treats her well. As long as he is a decent person and treats her right, I wouldn't end it. She would find ways to see him anyway, I am sure!

Undertoad · 10-26-2005, 07:57 AM

I'm not answering because I'm not a parent, wolf. (I'm just sayin')

Sundae · 10-26-2005, 08:15 AM

I can't respond as a parent, so have racked my brains as a daughter. What is your primary objection to the age gap?

In my opinion the signififcant issues with a teenager/ older man scenario are sexual - the threat of STDs or the girl getting trapped in the relationship through pregnancy. If the young lady in question is careful about contraception I'd see it as a reasonably benign part of development.

When I was 16 I was dating a 25 year old. I thought everything he said was intelligent & profound and he was so much more interesting than boys my age. In hindsight he was hiding a great deal of insecurity and inexperience under a thin veneer of arrogance and worldliness.

The relationship ran its natural course and I grew out of wanting a partner to worship & looked for a partner to be an equal. Had my Mum known I think she would have interfered. And that would have made the man in question more attractive and for longer.

If there is an element of hero worship involved perhaps its best to stay out of it. And if its just down to normal attraction perhaps the advice still holds true...

Troubleshooter · 10-26-2005, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Undertoad

I'm not answering because I'm not a parent, wolf. (I'm just sayin')

Why does that prevent you from having an opinion? Judging by the number of fuckups I see entering college these days a little objective perspective may just be what it necessary.

Mommy's little Rhode's Scholar may be tomorrow's Darwin Award winner.

Undertoad · 10-26-2005, 08:30 AM

From what I've seen, actually being a parent gives you additional wisdom and insight into the situation. (usually.)

vsp · 10-26-2005, 10:18 AM

Odds are, an 18-year-old would be just as likely to want to plow your daughter as a 23-year-old. Just sayin'.

glatt · 10-26-2005, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vsp

Odds are, an 18-year-old would be just as likely to want to plow your daughter as a 23-year-old. Just sayin'.

True, but the 23 year old might be smoother about it. And have more success.

ashke · 10-26-2005, 11:38 AM

Does it really matter? Shouldn't she know better? Or be able to decide for herself?

Elspode · 10-26-2005, 11:58 AM

Well, let's see...you love him. Presumably your 17 year old feels the same way. What's the problem?

He's probably no more or less likely to break her heart than a younger male, and perhaps less likely, assuming he's had at least a bit more experience than your daughter.

VSP summed it up nicely, albeit crudely (I must admit to having laughed out loud when I read it, though). She's gonna do someone, sometime. Isn't it better that it is someone you like, regardless of age differential, than someone you might be asking us about in terms of hiring a hit man?

Oh...and I *am* a parent. Jeez, am I ever a parent.

wolf · 10-26-2005, 01:20 PM

I regularly parent other people's children. In fact, I regularly parent parents.

lumberjim · 10-26-2005, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

True, but the 23 year old might be smoother about it. And have more success.

he might be better AT IT, too. If your daughter is going to ride the bologna pony anyway, why not have her learn it proper?

Pie · 10-26-2005, 01:55 PM

A 23-year-old might also be more responsible than a 17-year-old when it comes to birth control and STDs.

itsjulie · 10-26-2005, 09:58 PM

Oh shit lumberjim - you are too much!!!

10-26-2005, 12:04 AM	#1
Snow Flake Romantic Necromancer Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Dundalk ( Balitmore), MD Posts: 29	A dating question for Parents... If your daughtor who was 17 was dating a 23 year old, How would you feel about that? Even if, you thought he was 18 and you totally loved him. When you found out he was 23, would you let her continue to date him? Or would you put an end to it?

10-26-2005, 12:22 AM	#2
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I'd recommend ending it, but then, of course, your underage daughter who is probably beyond the age of sexual consent* will hate you, not listen to you, sneak around, get knocked up out of spite, and probably make at least one lame-ass suicide attempt because you are keeping her from seeing the one true love she will ever have in her life and if she doesn't stay with him she'll die an old maid. Or become a lesbian. * Yes, she is. In Maryland it's 16. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-26-2005, 06:11 AM	#3
itsjulie Vice-President of Resentment Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Connecticut Posts: 190	You mentioned that you loved him - so I assume he treats her well. As long as he is a decent person and treats her right, I wouldn't end it. She would find ways to see him anyway, I am sure! __________________ I like to know stuff!

10-26-2005, 11:58 AM	#11
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Well, let's see...you love him. Presumably your 17 year old feels the same way. What's the problem? He's probably no more or less likely to break her heart than a younger male, and perhaps less likely, assuming he's had at least a bit more experience than your daughter. VSP summed it up nicely, albeit crudely (I must admit to having laughed out loud when I read it, though). She's gonna do someone, sometime. Isn't it better that it is someone you like, regardless of age differential, than someone you might be asking us about in terms of hiring a hit man? Oh...and I am a parent. Jeez, am I ever a parent. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

10-26-2005, 01:20 PM	#12
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I regularly parent other people's children. In fact, I regularly parent parents. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-26-2005, 07:57 AM	#4
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	I'm not answering because I'm not a parent, wolf. (I'm just sayin')

10-26-2005, 08:15 AM	#5
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I can't respond as a parent, so have racked my brains as a daughter. What is your primary objection to the age gap? In my opinion the signififcant issues with a teenager/ older man scenario are sexual - the threat of STDs or the girl getting trapped in the relationship through pregnancy. If the young lady in question is careful about contraception I'd see it as a reasonably benign part of development. When I was 16 I was dating a 25 year old. I thought everything he said was intelligent & profound and he was so much more interesting than boys my age. In hindsight he was hiding a great deal of insecurity and inexperience under a thin veneer of arrogance and worldliness. The relationship ran its natural course and I grew out of wanting a partner to worship & looked for a partner to be an equal. Had my Mum known I think she would have interfered. And that would have made the man in question more attractive and for longer. If there is an element of hero worship involved perhaps its best to stay out of it. And if its just down to normal attraction perhaps the advice still holds true...

10-26-2005, 08:30 AM	#7
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	From what I've seen, actually being a parent gives you additional wisdom and insight into the situation. (usually.)

10-26-2005, 10:18 AM	#8
vsp Syndrome of a Down Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: West Chester Posts: 1,367	Odds are, an 18-year-old would be just as likely to want to plow your daughter as a 23-year-old. Just sayin'.

10-26-2005, 11:38 AM	#10
ashke Don't look at me! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Singapore Posts: 288	Does it really matter? Shouldn't she know better? Or be able to decide for herself?

10-26-2005, 01:55 PM	#14
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	A 23-year-old might also be more responsible than a 17-year-old when it comes to birth control and STDs. __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

10-26-2005, 09:58 PM	#15
itsjulie Vice-President of Resentment Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Connecticut Posts: 190	Oh shit lumberjim - you are too much!!! __________________ I like to know stuff!

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