Night Before Christmas: Cellar Style

monster · 12-24-2010, 10:59 PM

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the cellar
Not a poster was stirring, not even a troller;
The stalkings were left by the homebase with care,
In hopes that Some Liberals soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
Except those with fairies who danced in their heads;
And wolfie in her 'kerchief, and bruce in his cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the board there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the windows they flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters to watch windows crash.
Blue Screen on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Blamed eighty-five percent on objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature meme, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little recipe, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than grammar-nazis his cursers came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them bad names;
"Now, Draxie! now, Dagney! now, Pico and Vana!
On, Clodfob! on Cloudie! on, Dana and Buster!
To the top of the posts! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry humor before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with a treadmill, they mount to the sky,
So up to the menu-bar the cursors they flew,
With the sleigh full of memes, and undertoad too.
And then, in a twinkling, we saw on the board
The prancing and pawing of attention whores.
As I threw up a little in my mouth, and turned around,
Down the chimney Whale Penis came with a bound.
It was dressed all in fur, from its head to its foot,
And its clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of spam it had flung on its sack,
And it looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
Its eye -- how it twinkled! its dimples how merry!
Cheeks were like roses, who wants to lose their cherry?
A troll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of the pubes was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the non-smoking posse chipped in for a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That cock! We encased his stapler in jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right diet-dodger,
And I laughed when I saw him, dirty old codger;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his words,
Soon gave me to know he was an old perv;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; with only one jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his treehouse, to his team gave a whistle,
And down they all flew like a furious missile.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"I quit the Cellar, to all a good-night."

wolf · 12-24-2010, 11:36 PM

Brilliant.

Gravdigr · 12-25-2010, 12:59 AM

plthijinx · 12-25-2010, 01:43 AM

awesome! and it included whale penis!

Undertoad · 12-25-2010, 02:00 AM

Monster with flair and talent... as always!

DanaC · 12-25-2010, 05:41 AM

Holy shit Monster. That was monstah!

Seriously good.

Shawnee123 · 12-25-2010, 08:27 AM

Bravo! :applause:

zippyt · 12-25-2010, 10:37 AM

Well done !!

monster · 12-25-2010, 12:39 PM

I thank you. Jeeze what a hangover I've just started to recover from!

TheMercenary · 12-25-2010, 01:49 PM

Well done.

Gravdigr · 12-27-2010, 04:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

I thank you. Jeeze what a hangover I've just started to recover from!

Hangover? You're doing it right!!

jujuwwhite · 12-28-2010, 02:55 AM

Delightful and wonderful!

12-24-2010, 10:59 PM	#1
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Night Before Christmas: Cellar Style 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the cellar Not a poster was stirring, not even a troller; The stalkings were left by the homebase with care, In hopes that Some Liberals soon would be there; The children were nestled all snug in their beds, Except those with fairies who danced in their heads; And wolfie in her 'kerchief, and bruce in his cap, Had just settled down for a long winter's nap, When out on the board there arose such a clatter, They sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the windows they flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters to watch windows crash. Blue Screen on the breast of the new-fallen snow Blamed eighty-five percent on objects below, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature meme, and eight tiny reindeer, With a little recipe, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. More rapid than grammar-nazis his cursers came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them bad names; "Now, Draxie! now, Dagney! now, Pico and Vana! On, Clodfob! on Cloudie! on, Dana and Buster! To the top of the posts! to the top of the wall! Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!" As dry humor before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with a treadmill, they mount to the sky, So up to the menu-bar the cursors they flew, With the sleigh full of memes, and undertoad too. And then, in a twinkling, we saw on the board The prancing and pawing of attention whores. As I threw up a little in my mouth, and turned around, Down the chimney Whale Penis came with a bound. It was dressed all in fur, from its head to its foot, And its clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; A bundle of spam it had flung on its sack, And it looked like a peddler just opening his pack. Its eye -- how it twinkled! its dimples how merry! Cheeks were like roses, who wants to lose their cherry? A troll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of the pubes was as white as the snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the non-smoking posse chipped in for a wreath; He had a broad face and a little round belly, That cock! We encased his stapler in jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right diet-dodger, And I laughed when I saw him, dirty old codger; A wink of his eye and a twist of his words, Soon gave me to know he was an old perv; He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the stockings; with only one jerk, And laying his finger aside of his nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose; He sprang to his treehouse, to his team gave a whistle, And down they all flew like a furious missile. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "I quit the Cellar, to all a good-night." __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-24-2010, 11:36 PM	#2
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Brilliant. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

12-25-2010, 12:59 AM	#3
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

12-25-2010, 01:43 AM	#4
plthijinx Master Dwellar Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,197	awesome! and it included whale penis! __________________ For your dreams to come true, you must first have a dream.

12-25-2010, 08:27 AM	#7
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Bravo! :applause: __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

12-25-2010, 02:00 AM	#5
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Monster with flair and talent... as always!

12-25-2010, 10:37 AM	#8
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	Well done !! __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

12-25-2010, 12:39 PM	#9
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	I thank you. Jeeze what a hangover I've just started to recover from! __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-25-2010, 01:49 PM	#10
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Well done. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

12-28-2010, 02:55 AM	#12
jujuwwhite Capnhowdy's #1 smasher Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Rentz, GA Posts: 339	Delightful and wonderful! __________________ I don't suffer from insanity...i enjoy every moment of it.

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