Happy Father's Day

BigV · 06-15-2007, 10:42 AM

What do I want?

Flint · 06-15-2007, 10:46 AM

Quote:

A Hungry Mind

Hmmm... . . . glucose?

glatt · 06-15-2007, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

What do I want?

Extra battery for your digital camera so you can have a charged spare always handy?

lizzymahoney · 06-15-2007, 11:23 AM

I know the punchline!

A steak and a BJ?

Cloud · 06-15-2007, 11:58 AM

oooh, me too!

BigV · 06-15-2007, 12:12 PM

I'm gonna wreck my own thread. Too bad too, since I launched it in earnest.

...

I quit.

I need a break. This will be a bad weekend for me. It's been shaping up all week. A bad week, (nevermind) it's coming.

I miss my dad. Both of them, including my stepdad. They're with me every day. I talk to them all the time. I just don't feel comforted by them now. I don't feel them close like I used to.

Love and respect. These two men, E and W, are responsible for my life in several ways, literally and figuratively. There is no one in my life I love and respect more than my fathers. I miss them terribly. They've been gone for years now. I need them still. I use what they have given me, to the best of my ability, and I am still wanting. I am still lacking, still failing.

I just want to catch a break. A time out. I feel chagrined that I struggle with my life. Why? It is complicated. My challenges are far less than what theirs were. My options are far greater. I have many tools and techniques and resources unimaginable to them. But I don't' have any memory of them struggling like I am struggling. I don't have any idea how they overcame the disadvantages they faced. I don't know what they used, what was in them that is not in me that got them through. I am not the man they were. And that makes me feel very very sad.

I have so many advantages, yet I flounder and suffer and fail. Perhaps suffer is not the right word. It is more correct for me to say "feel pain" than suffer. But there's a lot of pain.

I miss my dad.

Sundae · 06-15-2007, 12:27 PM

Ah BigV.
That made me cry.

All I can say to you is that you are that man to your daughter.

Griff · 06-15-2007, 12:43 PM

I'm trying to work out my relationship with my Dad. Telling the truth, as I see it, brings out a lovely passive aggressive streak in him. Honestly, right now I think my brother was the smart one getting far far away. It is mostly about religion and politics which are one in the same to him. The Church is apparently perfect and I need to be submissive. The world is black and white and I'm getting darker. We got along very well until my overtly religous sister moved back into town and got him going to worship in the middle of the night. There is a local right wing Catholic group that goes for this front of the church nonsense and a lot of religio/political stuff that I'd consider un er Christian. On the upside, the Church is just about dead here so maybe we'll let the nutters have it to themselves.

I almost never saw my Dad as a kid, since he was a second shift over-time addict. Now I have him at my kitchen table taking jabs at me most mornings and it is getting difficult. Oh well, I just got a call for another interview maybe I can go nuts on the work front and make myself scarce. musical interlude The cats in the cradle and the silver spoon little boy blue and the man on the moon. When you coming home...

BigV · 06-15-2007, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

Ah BigV.
That made me cry.

All I can say to you is that you are that man to your daughter.

thank you. you made my day.

BigV · 06-15-2007, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Griff

I'm trying to work out my relationship with my Dad. Telling the truth, as I see it, brings out a lovely passive aggressive streak in him. Honestly, right now I think my brother was the smart one getting far far away. It is mostly about religion and politics which are one in the same to him. The Church is apparently perfect and I need to be submissive. The world is black and white and I'm getting darker. We got along very well until my overtly religous sister moved back into town and got him going to worship in the middle of the night. There is a local right wing Catholic group that goes for this front of the church nonsense and a lot of religio/political stuff that I'd consider un er Christian. On the upside, the Church is just about dead here so maybe we'll let the nutters have it to themselves.

I almost never saw my Dad as a kid, since he was a second shift over-time addict. Now I have him at my kitchen table taking jabs at me most mornings and it is getting difficult. Oh well, I just got a call for another interview maybe I can go nuts on the work front and make myself scarce. musical interlude The cats in the cradle and the silver spoon little boy blue and the man on the moon. When you coming home...

Oh Griff...

there's so much here for me to process, but your closer is HUGE.

my friend...

I won't presume to tell you your business, to tell you what to do...But for me? That song's lyrics stand as a cautionary tale as potent as Moses holding forth from the mountain. I have lived my life accordingly. In fact, you and I have been in sympatico wrt song lyrics for a long time.

my heart goes out to you my friend.

my thoughts and words are a conflicting train wreck in my head. if something good/reconizable emerges when it comes to a stop, I'll share it then.

Shawnee123 · 06-15-2007, 01:57 PM

I don't really know what to say either. Your post had a big impact on me. I do know that you are a wonderful person, Griff, from what I know from here. Bless you.

jester · 06-15-2007, 02:33 PM

Happy Father's Day to all of you who are.

To Big V - just from reading some of your other posts you seem like such a sincere and caring person. I'm very sorry for your loss, when people make such an impact on the individuals around them, it is very hard to let them go. You probably learned so much more than you realize - which has shaped you to be the man you are.

The Cats & the cradle song - makes me cry everytime i hear it - because it does show how much we miss when we put "stuff" in front of our children.

Griff · 06-15-2007, 05:17 PM

Thanks guys. I think it'll blow over if I can set some boundaries. He is lost since Mom died. She always kept him squared away, but without her nobody can tell him when to apply the brakes. It doesn't help that his memory is failing, something I denied for the longest time... Anyway, I'm sure we'll both work it out, if not with our Dads at least with our kids.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-15-2007, 07:09 PM

You're right Griff, boundaries. He has to accept, while you are still his son, you are a man, not a child... even if you have to hand him a foil. As such you have valid opinions and preferences plus a family to consider.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-15-2007, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

snip~ That song's lyrics stand as a cautionary tale as potent as Moses holding forth from the mountain. I have lived my life accordingly. In fact, you and I have been in sympatico wrt song lyrics for a long time.~snip

What that song doesn't say is, blood is not a guarantee compatibility. Sometimes distance preserves domestic tranquility.

I'm curious, did your dads settle for overcoming their obstacles pragmatically or always striving to find the most perfect solution. Example: happy they got the tree down and cut up... or lament, in retrospect, they could have done it faster, with less wasted motion?

06-15-2007, 10:42 AM	#1
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Happy Father's Day What do I want? __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

06-15-2007, 11:58 AM	#5
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	oooh, me too! __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

06-15-2007, 12:12 PM	#6
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	I'm gonna wreck my own thread. Too bad too, since I launched it in earnest. ... I quit. I need a break. This will be a bad weekend for me. It's been shaping up all week. A bad week, (nevermind) it's coming. I miss my dad. Both of them, including my stepdad. They're with me every day. I talk to them all the time. I just don't feel comforted by them now. I don't feel them close like I used to. Love and respect. These two men, E and W, are responsible for my life in several ways, literally and figuratively. There is no one in my life I love and respect more than my fathers. I miss them terribly. They've been gone for years now. I need them still. I use what they have given me, to the best of my ability, and I am still wanting. I am still lacking, still failing. I just want to catch a break. A time out. I feel chagrined that I struggle with my life. Why? It is complicated. My challenges are far less than what theirs were. My options are far greater. I have many tools and techniques and resources unimaginable to them. But I don't' have any memory of them struggling like I am struggling. I don't have any idea how they overcame the disadvantages they faced. I don't know what they used, what was in them that is not in me that got them through. I am not the man they were. And that makes me feel very very sad. I have so many advantages, yet I flounder and suffer and fail. Perhaps suffer is not the right word. It is more correct for me to say "feel pain" than suffer. But there's a lot of pain. I miss my dad. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

06-15-2007, 12:27 PM	#7
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Ah BigV. That made me cry. All I can say to you is that you are that man to your daughter. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

06-15-2007, 12:43 PM	#8
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	I'm trying to work out my relationship with my Dad. Telling the truth, as I see it, brings out a lovely passive aggressive streak in him. Honestly, right now I think my brother was the smart one getting far far away. It is mostly about religion and politics which are one in the same to him. The Church is apparently perfect and I need to be submissive. The world is black and white and I'm getting darker. We got along very well until my overtly religous sister moved back into town and got him going to worship in the middle of the night. There is a local right wing Catholic group that goes for this front of the church nonsense and a lot of religio/political stuff that I'd consider un er Christian. On the upside, the Church is just about dead here so maybe we'll let the nutters have it to themselves. I almost never saw my Dad as a kid, since he was a second shift over-time addict. Now I have him at my kitchen table taking jabs at me most mornings and it is getting difficult. Oh well, I just got a call for another interview maybe I can go nuts on the work front and make myself scarce. musical interlude The cats in the cradle and the silver spoon little boy blue and the man on the moon. When you coming home... __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

06-15-2007, 11:23 AM	#4
lizzymahoney Major Inhabitant Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 124	I know the punchline! A steak and a BJ?

06-15-2007, 01:57 PM	#11
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	I don't really know what to say either. Your post had a big impact on me. I do know that you are a wonderful person, Griff, from what I know from here. Bless you. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

06-15-2007, 02:33 PM	#12
jester why so serious Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,712	Happy Father's Day to all of you who are. To Big V - just from reading some of your other posts you seem like such a sincere and caring person. I'm very sorry for your loss, when people make such an impact on the individuals around them, it is very hard to let them go. You probably learned so much more than you realize - which has shaped you to be the man you are. The Cats & the cradle song - makes me cry everytime i hear it - because it does show how much we miss when we put "stuff" in front of our children.

06-15-2007, 05:17 PM	#13
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Thanks guys. I think it'll blow over if I can set some boundaries. He is lost since Mom died. She always kept him squared away, but without her nobody can tell him when to apply the brakes. It doesn't help that his memory is failing, something I denied for the longest time... Anyway, I'm sure we'll both work it out, if not with our Dads at least with our kids. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

06-15-2007, 07:09 PM	#14
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	You're right Griff, boundaries. He has to accept, while you are still his son, you are a man, not a child... even if you have to hand him a foil. As such you have valid opinions and preferences plus a family to consider. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

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