More bad karma. Or something.

[BigV]

I know that voice.

I keep that fucker locked up down in my internal dungeon. He sometimes makes a helluva racket, and he's been known to escape his cell on occasion. I haven't been able to execute him, but after all the trouble he's caused me, he's never going to be paroled. He has a name, it's Fergie.

[ZenGum]

Originally Posted by orthodoc

And ... Imma let Mr. W. go. I don't need the particular brand of 'friendship' he offers. A 'friend' who doesn't respond for 13 days after being told his friend has cancer ... can go be friends with himself.

Wellllllll ..... it could be ... that W has had a some nasty experiences with cancer himself, maybe lost a friend or relative to it, and was freaked out by the thought of going on that journey again. It took him a while to get his shit together and reconnect.

Maybe.


Or maybe he is just a selfish fair-weather friend and you're right to cut him loose, which does seem more likely.

[DanaC]

Or maybe he didn't check his email straight away. Then took a few days to think about how to respond (having been a tad freaked out).

Everyone responds to this stuff differently. Maybe it's not so much a reflection on your friendship as much as a reflection on his attitude to cancer.

[Trilby]

the above could be true.

My money says he's a dick. And I KNOW from dick.

[orthodoc]

Well - given the content of the email he finally sent, which expressed a brief hope that this would be simple and semester-sparing for me, then explained that he'd been incommunicado because of adult kids, work, just SO busy ... and didn't ask how I'm doing ... I don't really think he has traumatic issues with cancer. Just a gut feeling.

I think Bri wins the pot.

[BigV]

....


I must be feeling contrary today. Mischievous. Or, I'm a dick too.

I don't see this as being a dick. Probably we have different definitions of being a dick, and this doesn't match mine. Dick behavior has some malice in it, careless selfishness with some casual, minor meanness. Your description of the email to me says "Whoa, don't want to be involved with you, too much too soon way too much. Oh, look at the time!" kind of wanting to get away, but still has enough manners to reply and (lightly) wish you well and excuse me, I have to go.

The result's the same--you won't be with him, and it's no great loss given his attitude. Sorry for being a dick too. I just don't like to carry around negative thoughts about people like this.

[orthodoc]

Originally Posted by BigV

....
I don't see this as being a dick. Probably we have different definitions of being a dick, and this doesn't match mine. Dick behavior has some malice in it, careless selfishness with some casual, minor meanness. Your description of the email to me says "Whoa, don't want to be involved with you, too much too soon way too much. Oh, look at the time!" kind of wanting to get away, but still has enough manners to reply and (lightly) wish you well and excuse me, I have to go.

The result's the same--you won't be with him, and it's no great loss given his attitude. Sorry for being a dick too. I just don't like to carry around negative thoughts about people like this.

Well - fair enough, from what information you have. I have a little more info that tends to make me more irritated about it all, but nevertheless the result's the same, as you say ... he's bowing out. And that's okay. I admit, I'm a little hypersensitive right now.

[Trilby]

BigV - Why on earth would you "carry around negative thoughts about people like this" when you don't even know the person? I have no thoughts about this guy - I am responding to his treatment of a woman I know a little bit and like and can relate to.

ffs. I"m here for orthodoc, not some vague, dick-ish sounding "can't spare a moment for a pal" areshole.

so sue me. I'm on HER side.

[BigV]

I yield to you, your greater knowledge and, fuck, it's *your* opinion after all.

I only risked bringing it up to express *my* thought that I don't like carrying around poor opinions of others. It's a "reap what you sow" "living up or down to my expectations" kind of thing with me. Not about your acquaintance.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Brianna

BigV - Why on earth would you "carry around negative thoughts about people like this" when you don't even know the person? I have no thoughts about this guy - I am responding to his treatment of a woman I know a little bit and like and can relate to.

ffs. I"m here for orthodoc, not some vague, dick-ish sounding "can't spare a moment for a pal" areshole.

so sue me. I'm on HER side.

consider yourself sued?

I think our posts crossed, I had to step out for a trip to the store. To answer your question, I do better in my life when I don't carry around, in my head, thoughts, memories, opinions about others (or myself for that matter) that focus on the negative... it's a burden to me. It's a burden I don't need to bear, so I put it down when I can. There are lots of times with lots of people, myself included, when someone makes a dick move. I just try not to give it more weight than it deserves. I try to separate the "sin from the sinner" if you will. The action has come and gone but the person might still be around. I don't want to be ruled by my emotions. I consider them, they guide me, the energize me, but they're notoriously fickle and poor leaders. I try to lead with my head. And my head tells me that people are more than their words and actions. Words and actions matter, OF COURSE. But

In this case, I'd say: "What a dick." And move on. If it were someone else I would have more contact with, I'd think say: "That was a dick move that one time. Don't be a dick now. I'm looking forward to better this time. I'm glad that's behind us."

[Trilby]

well, i'm certainly glad we got that settled.

your first post sounds a bit ...hostile. i hope it wasn't me that created any umbrage in our
communication. that would fuck up my day - but then again, you yield to my 'greater knowledge' - so, it's all good, right buddy?

[Trilby]

Ok. This thread officially goes back to orthodoc.

sorry for the distraction.

[DanaC]

Quite right. let's have a return to orthodocsy...

Sorry.

I'll get me coat.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by BigV

I know that voice.

I keep that fucker locked up down in my internal dungeon. He sometimes makes a helluva racket, and he's been known to escape his cell on occasion. I haven't been able to execute him, but after all the trouble he's caused me, he's never going to be paroled. He has a name, it's Fergie.

That's funny. Because my nickname (used by teachers and everything) was Fergie from second grade until I graduated high school. For reals.

[orthodoc]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Quite right. let's have a return to orthodocsy...

Sorry.

I'll get me coat.

@Dani -


Glad to say ... I finally have a date set for surgery! What a relief. I was beginning to think it wasn't going to come together until October - it was like: . So, Aug. 27 is the day. I get this thing out and get on with healing and treatment ... about time. Whew.