need advice really really bad - Page 9

lumberjim · 02-14-2004, 01:51 AM

here he is.....

here's his late brother, mr noodle

mrnoodle · 02-14-2004, 02:23 AM

OMG!!!! STAN???? You bastard, I want my fuggin shirt back! Mom always liked you better, you arrogant git. The shirt! off! now!

(the sound of a thread dying)

Undertoad · 02-14-2004, 07:29 AM

Before it dies, I want to say that Stace IS addressing the problem directly, and you all are being a little unfair about it at this point. A lot of people wouldn't be where she is at this point because they would have stuffed it all under the couch and forgotten about it, because it was convenient.

We can give advice and thoughts but let's not be hasty to judge the contract and such. That's the therapist's job but Stace is doing the right thing by taking it to the therapist and considering it and thinking about it and NOT stuffing it under the couch.

It's hard to be in the situation. And nobody, and no situation, and no relationship, is going to be 100% perfect. We are human, and we are MESSY AND COMPLICATED. We all have to do whatever it is we do to get along in life. We all make mistakes too, and we all hurt our S.O.s unintentionally and once in a while intentionally just trying to get through life.

staceyv · 02-14-2004, 08:17 AM

onyx, you make it seem so black and white. this morning i am having doubts. it didn't look like he was ever really emotional about the whole thing. i don't trust him. leaving will be hard if i go, very very hard. i would have to go live with my mother, no health insurance, $8,000.00 in credit card debt, plus raised car insurance from when he hit someone's car. the embarassment of everyone finding out that i am a complete fool and was taken for a ride, the fact that i don't know if i'd ever be able to trust someone else again or have a normal relationship, the fact that i would miss him and think "what if he was sincere.." after he's gone, and the fact that i have no social life or friends to surround myself with to help me get over him. maybe i'm trying to delude myself into staying so my life will be easier. if i was in his shoes, (well, first of all, i wouldn't have written those letters!) but if i screwed up and i really cared, i would feel bad. i would probably cry and plead for forgiveness. but then i think "well, everyone has a different way of dealing with things"...still, he seems to not display too much emotion. this all seems like an inconvenience to him. like "fine, okay. you wanna ask me questions, go for it...we're just going in circles here, i'm so tired" or he's acting like nothing happened, acting exactly the same as he did before all of this."hi honey..here's your coffee, come here, give me a kiss, look at me- my dick is hard" or he's being impatient: he tried to kiss me before he got out of the car when i took him to work. i said "could you try that some other time?" because i am just not ready to be affectionate with him. he was like "fine!" and just got out of the car and walked away. i know he's happy with his life with me, but is it just because it's convenient? i mean, a nice apartment, home-cooked meals, live-in sex, greencard, someone to organize the household budget and style his hair...who wouldn't try to hold on to this set up? maybe it is even convenient for him until death do us part? i don't know...he could be thinking that he'll be a total citizen by age 28....that it's worth it to keep me happy. maybe he'd never leave because it's a good set-up. but if it's not based on love or good intentions, i don't want it! you know what kils me? everybody loves him. people that i trust as good judgers or character just love him. my 45 yr old female boss who seems to see through everyone loves him. my family, everyone. then again, i always told him he would be a good salesperson. uhh! i'm going in circles.

99 44/100% pure · 02-14-2004, 08:43 AM

Thank you.

staceyv · 02-14-2004, 09:47 AM

i guess there's only one way for me to ever find out the truth, and that is to wait until he gets his greencard. and in the process, i need to better myself and make a life for myself, so that i could be secure with or without him.

wolf · 02-14-2004, 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lumberjim
Why don;t you make him hand over his cock and balls, so he can't cheat on you? The above contract is ridiculous and controlling and one sided and psychotic.

She didn't get it when I told her the same thing, LJ. Don't hold out much hope for a revelation here.

Shit, she fell for your PT Barnum.

staceyv · 02-14-2004, 10:08 AM

to everyone who gave me advice and heard me out, i want to sincerely thank you for your time, ideas, advice...i listen to you all and there are so many conflicting opinions and i see a little truth in all of them, and it's making my head spin. a lot of what undertoad said made sense to me.

there are just too many ways to look at it, and i'm driving myself crazy with this. i know that i can't let anyone else make these decisions for me and that noone has the right 100% guaranteed answer, so i need to stop this.

i'm not going to post anymore about this. i know there wil be a few "thank you"s after this post... anyway, i can't keep torturing myself and going over it over and over again, and thinking "maybe he's right, i have nothing to worry about, he wants me..." "maybe she's right, he's taking me for a ride"...i can't do it. i'm going to come to terms with it on my own and i'll update you guys someday, i guess.

my husband says he is coming on to defend himself tonight. have fun with him, guys. thanks again for everything.

see you in a different thread

mrnoodle · 02-14-2004, 11:37 AM

Well, good luck again. At least you're being honest with yourself about how you feel (maybe you always were, it's hard to tell from an online forum).

Quote:

Originally posted by staceyv
my husband says he is coming on to defend himself tonight. have fun with him, guys.

Griff · 02-14-2004, 12:34 PM

Good luck Stacey, like Toad said you are addressing it. Its hard as anything cuz marriage is built on trust and if you can't reclaim that you won't be happy...

elSicomoro · 02-14-2004, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Undertoad
Before it dies, I want to say that Stace IS addressing the problem directly, and you all are being a little unfair about it at this point.

You can't say that with certainty, Toad. As this thread continued last night, I got the sense that we were being fucked with. Not to mention, there is another side to this story that we haven't heard yet.

Artie Greene · 02-17-2004, 05:49 PM

Staceyv, your husband is going to come on here to defend himself?

After re-reading this entire thread, I can absolutely declare that you are being a complete FOOL. Even half of the information you've given us about your opportunist, wimpy, cloying husband is reason enough to kick his ass. I can't imagine you allowing him to take up space in your life as you thumb your nose at good sense.

The solution to your problem does not require time or therapy. It requires you to answer a simple YES/NO question. Make a freaking decision--you seem unwilling to do that. Grow up.

I apologized in advance that my compassion is wearing thin:

GROW THE HELL UP, Stacey.

You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.

staceyv · 02-17-2004, 05:56 PM

xoxoxoBruce · 02-17-2004, 06:01 PM

On the up side, look at all the C&W/Blues songs she's gathering. Damn, there's 3 albums in this thread....Uh...make that CDs.

mrnoodle · 02-17-2004, 06:07 PM

naw, albums is better. "CDs" lacks personality. I think "vinyl" is pretty much kaput, though.

02-14-2004, 01:51 AM	#121
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	here he is..... here's his late brother, mr noodle __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan Last edited by lumberjim; 02-14-2004 at 08:49 AM.

02-14-2004, 08:17 AM	#124
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	onyx, you make it seem so black and white. this morning i am having doubts. it didn't look like he was ever really emotional about the whole thing. i don't trust him. leaving will be hard if i go, very very hard. i would have to go live with my mother, no health insurance, $8,000.00 in credit card debt, plus raised car insurance from when he hit someone's car. the embarassment of everyone finding out that i am a complete fool and was taken for a ride, the fact that i don't know if i'd ever be able to trust someone else again or have a normal relationship, the fact that i would miss him and think "what if he was sincere.." after he's gone, and the fact that i have no social life or friends to surround myself with to help me get over him. maybe i'm trying to delude myself into staying so my life will be easier. if i was in his shoes, (well, first of all, i wouldn't have written those letters!) but if i screwed up and i really cared, i would feel bad. i would probably cry and plead for forgiveness. but then i think "well, everyone has a different way of dealing with things"...still, he seems to not display too much emotion. this all seems like an inconvenience to him. like "fine, okay. you wanna ask me questions, go for it...we're just going in circles here, i'm so tired" or he's acting like nothing happened, acting exactly the same as he did before all of this."hi honey..here's your coffee, come here, give me a kiss, look at me- my dick is hard" or he's being impatient: he tried to kiss me before he got out of the car when i took him to work. i said "could you try that some other time?" because i am just not ready to be affectionate with him. he was like "fine!" and just got out of the car and walked away. i know he's happy with his life with me, but is it just because it's convenient? i mean, a nice apartment, home-cooked meals, live-in sex, greencard, someone to organize the household budget and style his hair...who wouldn't try to hold on to this set up? maybe it is even convenient for him until death do us part? i don't know...he could be thinking that he'll be a total citizen by age 28....that it's worth it to keep me happy. maybe he'd never leave because it's a good set-up. but if it's not based on love or good intentions, i don't want it! you know what kils me? everybody loves him. people that i trust as good judgers or character just love him. my 45 yr old female boss who seems to see through everyone loves him. my family, everyone. then again, i always told him he would be a good salesperson. uhh! i'm going in circles. Last edited by staceyv; 02-14-2004 at 09:44 AM.

02-14-2004, 08:43 AM	#125
99 44/100% pure Infrequently Astonished Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Baltimore metro area Posts: 324	Thank you. __________________ Overcompensating for the 0.56% that is irredeemably corrupted.

02-14-2004, 12:34 PM	#130
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Good luck Stacey, like Toad said you are addressing it. Its hard as anything cuz marriage is built on trust and if you can't reclaim that you won't be happy... __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

02-17-2004, 05:49 PM	#132
Artie Greene Resident-in-Training Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 7	Sorry, I've run out of compassion. Staceyv, your husband is going to come on here to defend himself? After re-reading this entire thread, I can absolutely declare that you are being a complete FOOL. Even half of the information you've given us about your opportunist, wimpy, cloying husband is reason enough to kick his ass. I can't imagine you allowing him to take up space in your life as you thumb your nose at good sense. The solution to your problem does not require time or therapy. It requires you to answer a simple YES/NO question. Make a freaking decision--you seem unwilling to do that. Grow up. I apologized in advance that my compassion is wearing thin: GROW THE HELL UP, Stacey. You are a fool. You are a fool. You are a fool. You are a fool. You are a fool. You are a fool. You are a fool. You are a fool. You are a fool. You are a fool. You are a fool.

02-14-2004, 02:23 AM	#122
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	OMG!!!! STAN???? You bastard, I want my fuggin shirt back! Mom always liked you better, you arrogant git. The shirt! off! now! (the sound of a thread dying)

02-14-2004, 07:29 AM	#123
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Before it dies, I want to say that Stace IS addressing the problem directly, and you all are being a little unfair about it at this point. A lot of people wouldn't be where she is at this point because they would have stuffed it all under the couch and forgotten about it, because it was convenient. We can give advice and thoughts but let's not be hasty to judge the contract and such. That's the therapist's job but Stace is doing the right thing by taking it to the therapist and considering it and thinking about it and NOT stuffing it under the couch. It's hard to be in the situation. And nobody, and no situation, and no relationship, is going to be 100% perfect. We are human, and we are MESSY AND COMPLICATED. We all have to do whatever it is we do to get along in life. We all make mistakes too, and we all hurt our S.O.s unintentionally and once in a while intentionally just trying to get through life.

02-14-2004, 09:47 AM	#126
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	i guess there's only one way for me to ever find out the truth, and that is to wait until he gets his greencard. and in the process, i need to better myself and make a life for myself, so that i could be secure with or without him.

02-14-2004, 10:08 AM	#128
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	to everyone who gave me advice and heard me out, i want to sincerely thank you for your time, ideas, advice...i listen to you all and there are so many conflicting opinions and i see a little truth in all of them, and it's making my head spin. a lot of what undertoad said made sense to me. there are just too many ways to look at it, and i'm driving myself crazy with this. i know that i can't let anyone else make these decisions for me and that noone has the right 100% guaranteed answer, so i need to stop this. i'm not going to post anymore about this. i know there wil be a few "thank you"s after this post... anyway, i can't keep torturing myself and going over it over and over again, and thinking "maybe he's right, i have nothing to worry about, he wants me..." "maybe she's right, he's taking me for a ride"...i can't do it. i'm going to come to terms with it on my own and i'll update you guys someday, i guess. my husband says he is coming on to defend himself tonight. have fun with him, guys. thanks again for everything. see you in a different thread

02-17-2004, 05:56 PM	#133
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927

02-17-2004, 06:01 PM	#134
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	On the up side, look at all the C&W/Blues songs she's gathering. Damn, there's 3 albums in this thread....Uh...make that CDs. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

02-17-2004, 06:07 PM	#135
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	naw, albums is better. "CDs" lacks personality. I think "vinyl" is pretty much kaput, though. __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

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