Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 318

Gravdigr · 01-28-2013, 04:11 PM

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hello, President Obama" a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Jimmy Boy, down here at Bump's Catfish Shack, in Vicksburg , and I am callin' to tell y'all that we are officially declaring war on y'all!"

"Well Jimmy Boy," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Jimmy Boy, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Bubba, my next-door-neighbor Cooter and brother Gerald, and the whole dart team from JD's Bait Shop. That makes eight or maybe nine depending if Bump can close the store.

Barack paused. "I must tell you Jimmy Boy that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Jimmy Boy. "I'll have to call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Jimmy Boy called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Jimmy Boy?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and my brother Mike's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Jimmy Boy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Jimmy Boy, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Jimmy Boy called again the next day. "President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

“Well, sir," said Jimmy Boy, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, catfish, greens and pie and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed that many prisoners."

Gravdigr · 01-28-2013, 05:00 PM

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gtown · 01-28-2013, 10:08 PM

Reminds me of the comic strips at Perry Bible Fellowship.
NOTE: Some are NSFW, all are a bit twisted.

Gravdigr · 02-01-2013, 03:35 PM

Here's two from GTown's link:

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Gravdigr · 02-03-2013, 02:17 PM

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gtown · 02-04-2013, 12:03 AM

Forgot my fave PBF when I posted the link:

infinite monkey · 02-04-2013, 10:39 AM

omg gtown. I had to look up the movie Gummo (for Ohio) and it's about Xenia OH (quote: Xenia, Ohio, is a small poor and boring city that never fully recovered after a tornado in the 1970s.)

Of course, I remember the tornado (I was in elementary school...way north of Xenia but it was a BIG DEAL.) So I have to find the movie.

(sung to the tune of the song from Evita, I heard this from my sis-in-law):

Don't cry for me I'm from Xenia...

jimhelm · 02-04-2013, 12:42 PM

are there a lot of foreigners in that town?

infinite monkey · 02-04-2013, 12:49 PM

Not that I know of.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wikipedia

The name of the new village was chosen in typically democratic fashion. Vance called a town meeting to discuss possible names. The committee had considered several suggestions without reaching any decision. Then the Rev. Robert Armstrong proposed the name "Xenia," meaning "hospitality" in Greek, because of the fine hospitality extended to him in this friendly community. When a tie developed, Laticia Davis, wife of Owen Davis, was invited to cast the deciding ballot. She voted for "Xenia."

jimhelm · 02-04-2013, 12:52 PM

well do they at LEAST have a Warrior Princess??!

infinite monkey · 02-05-2013, 07:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimhelm

well do they at LEAST have a Warrior Princess??!

Why yes. Yes they do.

footfootfoot · 02-05-2013, 10:21 AM

Infi, I thought you said you quit smoking cigs.

infinite monkey · 02-05-2013, 10:40 AM

No, I never claimed that.

footfootfoot · 02-05-2013, 11:48 AM

Right. You may have given up cigarettes but you haven't quit smokin'

glatt · 02-05-2013, 11:55 AM

01-28-2013, 04:11 PM	#4756
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hello, President Obama" a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Jimmy Boy, down here at Bump's Catfish Shack, in Vicksburg , and I am callin' to tell y'all that we are officially declaring war on y'all!" "Well Jimmy Boy," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Jimmy Boy, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Bubba, my next-door-neighbor Cooter and brother Gerald, and the whole dart team from JD's Bait Shop. That makes eight or maybe nine depending if Bump can close the store. Barack paused. "I must tell you Jimmy Boy that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Wow," said Jimmy Boy. "I'll have to call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Jimmy Boy called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Jimmy Boy?" Barack asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and my brother Mike's farm tractor." President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Jimmy Boy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Lord above", said Jimmy Boy, "I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Jimmy Boy called again the next day. "President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war." "I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?" “Well, sir," said Jimmy Boy, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, catfish, greens and pie and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed that many prisoners." __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

01-28-2013, 05:00 PM	#4757
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

02-01-2013, 03:35 PM	#4759
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Here's two from GTown's link: __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

02-03-2013, 02:17 PM	#4760
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

02-04-2013, 12:03 AM	#4761
gtown Master of the Domain Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 238	Forgot my fave PBF when I posted the link: Attached Images

01-28-2013, 10:08 PM	#4758
gtown Master of the Domain Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 238	Reminds me of the comic strips at Perry Bible Fellowship. NOTE: Some are NSFW, all are a bit twisted.

02-04-2013, 10:39 AM	#4762
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	omg gtown. I had to look up the movie Gummo (for Ohio) and it's about Xenia OH (quote: Xenia, Ohio, is a small poor and boring city that never fully recovered after a tornado in the 1970s.) Of course, I remember the tornado (I was in elementary school...way north of Xenia but it was a BIG DEAL.) So I have to find the movie. (sung to the tune of the song from Evita, I heard this from my sis-in-law): Don't cry for me I'm from Xenia...

02-04-2013, 12:42 PM	#4763
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	are there a lot of foreigners in that town? __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

02-04-2013, 12:52 PM	#4765
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	well do they at LEAST have a Warrior Princess??! __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

02-05-2013, 10:21 AM	#4767
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Infi, I thought you said you quit smoking cigs. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

02-05-2013, 10:40 AM	#4768
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	No, I never claimed that.

02-05-2013, 11:48 AM	#4769
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Right. You may have given up cigarettes but you haven't quit smokin' __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

02-05-2013, 11:55 AM	#4770
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717

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