How Many Cellurites Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

Cloud · 03-01-2007, 04:09 PM

> 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
> >
> > 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the lightbulb could have been changed differently.
> >
> > 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
> >
> > 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
> >
> > 13 to flame the spell checkers.
> >
> > 18 to correct spelling/grammar flames.
> >
> > 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb".
> >
> > 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive.
> >
> > 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp".
> >
> > 5 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that"light bulb" is perfectly correct.
> >
> > 6 to email the participant' s ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy".
> >
> > 4 to post that this mailing list is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb mailing list.
> >
> > 11 to defend the posting to this mailing list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this mailing list.
> >
> > 1 to show everyone how he didn't have to change the bulb but fixed it up with duct tape & balin' wire and wants to know if he's now qualified for "Redneck Status".
> >
> > 3 willing to let him have honorary status.
> >
> > 15 saying he is disqualified because his fix actually worked and continues to function and besides nobody was hurt during the repair.
> >
> > 3 to claim that since they have superior visual skills they don't need those "damn bulbs".
> >
> > 27 to say the new energy saving bulbs will never replace the oldstandards and speculate which models will be discontinued in 5-10 years.
> >
> > 1 to ask, "can you kill an elk with a light bulb?".
> >
> > Another one to say, "Yeah, but a heavy bulb penetrates better and is more likely to make up for poor placement.".
> >
> > 8 will insist that the light trajectory from a fixture featuring multiple 60-watt bulbs is flatter than the trajectory of a single big-bore bulb of the same total wattage.
> >
> > 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
> >
> > 27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
> >
> > 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.
> >
> > 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.
> >
> > 33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".
> >
> > 12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
> >
> > 19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "what he said".
> >
> > 4 to say that, "BY GOD lightbulbs are for sissies!" and that in their day they had to use coal oil lanterns and home made candles.
> >
> > 8 to post rolling eyes....Here we go again!!
> >
> > 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
> >
> > 14 to say "do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
> >
> > 20 to wonder why some of these people don't read their owner's manual instead of asking the whole world where the light bulb is, what type it is, and how to change it. But they don't want to post such a question.
> >
> > 8 to say that flourescent is far superior to incandescent.
> >
> > 12 to refute that it makes no difference whether one uses incandescent or flourescent.
> >
> > 3 to state that they "know someone" who was blinded by the use of incandescents and only an inexperienced person or outright fool would
> choose anything other than flourescent.
> >
> > 3 to state that they have tried reading upside down using incandescents and can still see absolutely no difference between the two.
> >
> > 1 to put his incandescent light bulbs (lamps/lightbulbs) in nothing but fiberglass swirly colored light fixtures.
> >
> > 6 to condem anyone using grid power, obvious from their reference over which type to use and demand that everyone switch to eco-friendly candles.
> >
> > 6 to push for the further development of LED clusters.
> >
> > and finally, 1 mailing list "lurker" to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Flint · 03-01-2007, 04:15 PM

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand.

elSicomoro · 03-01-2007, 05:03 PM

I have a great joke about this, but it would make no sense to type it, given that it involves Tourette's.

capnhowdy · 03-01-2007, 06:31 PM

1 to point out that the proper spelling for cellarites is not cellurites.

Of course, I will assume this responsibility.

Kingswood · 03-01-2007, 10:54 PM

11 posts that mention light globes rather than light bulbs.
2 people asking what light globes are.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-01-2007, 11:37 PM

Shit, I've got a Word Document with 73 pages, single spaced, of these things....don't get me started.

03-02-2007, 03:11 AM

Cellarites wouldn't try to change the light bulbs: they seek to change the dim bulbs.

Kagen4o4 · 03-02-2007, 03:28 AM

6 (yeah you guys) (well seven including me) to try and add more numbers to the light-bulb/globe changing situation.

1 messed up bong smoking hippie to point out that its wrong to try and change a light bulb and it has the right to go out whenever it wants, but still try and protect other bulbs from going out saying that humans are just using bulbs for their own reason and if we keep doing it the bulb will become extinct and we should use mother earth friendly light sources like love and freedom.

bluecuracao · 03-02-2007, 05:11 AM

This time of the morning--2 or 3 to peer in and notice the lightbulb needs changing, then leave expecting that the one it takes will change it at a more appropriate hour.

Elspode · 03-04-2007, 11:34 AM

Regular Cellarites don't change the bulbs...they email Undertoad and point out to him that the bulb is out.

monster · 03-04-2007, 01:34 PM

I wonder if light bulbs are tasty?

Kagen4o4 · 03-04-2007, 02:20 PM

1 to eat the light bulb and get rushed to hospital, letting everyone else know not to eat the light bulb

Aliantha · 03-04-2007, 05:04 PM

and don't forget the 3 people who will turn light bulbs into sexual toys and proceed to make jokes about it...like the guys who end up in the emergency room with shattered glass up their arse.

Kagen4o4 · 03-04-2007, 08:44 PM

4 to be stubborn and say that candles are just fine and continue to use them after the bulb has been changed

Aliantha · 03-04-2007, 08:46 PM

from the arsehole?

03-01-2007, 04:09 PM	#1
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	How Many Cellurites Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb? > 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. > > > > 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the lightbulb could have been changed differently. > > > > 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. > > > > 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. > > > > 13 to flame the spell checkers. > > > > 18 to correct spelling/grammar flames. > > > > 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb". > > > > 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive. > > > > 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp". > > > > 5 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that"light bulb" is perfectly correct. > > > > 6 to email the participant' s ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy". > > > > 4 to post that this mailing list is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb mailing list. > > > > 11 to defend the posting to this mailing list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mailing list. > > > > 1 to show everyone how he didn't have to change the bulb but fixed it up with duct tape & balin' wire and wants to know if he's now qualified for "Redneck Status". > > > > 3 willing to let him have honorary status. > > > > 15 saying he is disqualified because his fix actually worked and continues to function and besides nobody was hurt during the repair. > > > > 3 to claim that since they have superior visual skills they don't need those "damn bulbs". > > > > 27 to say the new energy saving bulbs will never replace the oldstandards and speculate which models will be discontinued in 5-10 years. > > > > 1 to ask, "can you kill an elk with a light bulb?". > > > > Another one to say, "Yeah, but a heavy bulb penetrates better and is more likely to make up for poor placement.". > > > > 8 will insist that the light trajectory from a fixture featuring multiple 60-watt bulbs is flatter than the trajectory of a single big-bore bulb of the same total wattage. > > > > 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty. > > > > 27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs. > > > > 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's. > > > > 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group. > > > > 33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too". > > > > 12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy. > > > > 19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "what he said". > > > > 4 to say that, "BY GOD lightbulbs are for sissies!" and that in their day they had to use coal oil lanterns and home made candles. > > > > 8 to post rolling eyes....Here we go again!! > > > > 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" > > > > 14 to say "do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs". > > > > 20 to wonder why some of these people don't read their owner's manual instead of asking the whole world where the light bulb is, what type it is, and how to change it. But they don't want to post such a question. > > > > 8 to say that flourescent is far superior to incandescent. > > > > 12 to refute that it makes no difference whether one uses incandescent or flourescent. > > > > 3 to state that they "know someone" who was blinded by the use of incandescents and only an inexperienced person or outright fool would > choose anything other than flourescent. > > > > 3 to state that they have tried reading upside down using incandescents and can still see absolutely no difference between the two. > > > > 1 to put his incandescent light bulbs (lamps/lightbulbs) in nothing but fiberglass swirly colored light fixtures. > > > > 6 to condem anyone using grid power, obvious from their reference over which type to use and demand that everyone switch to eco-friendly candles. > > > > 6 to push for the further development of LED clusters. > > > > and finally, 1 mailing list "lurker" to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

03-01-2007, 04:15 PM	#2
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb? . . . . . . . None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

03-01-2007, 06:31 PM	#4
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	1 to point out that the proper spelling for cellarites is not cellurites. Of course, I will assume this responsibility. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

03-01-2007, 11:37 PM	#6
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Shit, I've got a Word Document with 73 pages, single spaced, of these things....don't get me started. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-02-2007, 03:28 AM	#8
Kagen4o4 The Sheriff of Nothingland Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Melbourne, Aus Posts: 1,794	6 (yeah you guys) (well seven including me) to try and add more numbers to the light-bulb/globe changing situation. 1 messed up bong smoking hippie to point out that its wrong to try and change a light bulb and it has the right to go out whenever it wants, but still try and protect other bulbs from going out saying that humans are just using bulbs for their own reason and if we keep doing it the bulb will become extinct and we should use mother earth friendly light sources like love and freedom. __________________ something we both can enjoy??

03-01-2007, 05:03 PM	#3
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	I have a great joke about this, but it would make no sense to type it, given that it involves Tourette's.

03-01-2007, 10:54 PM	#5
Kingswood Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Melbourne, Vic Posts: 316	11 posts that mention light globes rather than light bulbs. 2 people asking what light globes are.

03-02-2007, 03:11 AM	#7
NoBoxes Guest Posts: n/a	Cellarites wouldn't try to change the light bulbs: they seek to change the dim bulbs.

03-02-2007, 05:11 AM	#9
bluecuracao in a mood, not cupcake Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Philadelphia Posts: 3,034	This time of the morning--2 or 3 to peer in and notice the lightbulb needs changing, then leave expecting that the one it takes will change it at a more appropriate hour.

03-04-2007, 11:34 AM	#10
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Regular Cellarites don't change the bulbs...they email Undertoad and point out to him that the bulb is out. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

03-04-2007, 01:34 PM	#11
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	I wonder if light bulbs are tasty? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

03-04-2007, 02:20 PM	#12
Kagen4o4 The Sheriff of Nothingland Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Melbourne, Aus Posts: 1,794	1 to eat the light bulb and get rushed to hospital, letting everyone else know not to eat the light bulb __________________ something we both can enjoy??

03-04-2007, 05:04 PM	#13
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	and don't forget the 3 people who will turn light bulbs into sexual toys and proceed to make jokes about it...like the guys who end up in the emergency room with shattered glass up their arse. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

03-04-2007, 08:44 PM	#14
Kagen4o4 The Sheriff of Nothingland Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Melbourne, Aus Posts: 1,794	4 to be stubborn and say that candles are just fine and continue to use them after the bulb has been changed __________________ something we both can enjoy??

03-04-2007, 08:46 PM	#15
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	from the arsehole? __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

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