I'm in trouble...

itsjulie · 10-12-2005, 09:28 PM

I have class on Wednesday nights...the rule is no one goes out on this night...WELL, my 13 year old is just a flat out pain in the ass...always pushing his luck...BUT my daughter would always tell on him, so it was great.

They just figured it all out. I called on break to check on them (really the 13 year old) and my daughter tells me he is in the shower. I tell her to get in the bathroom and I better hear him in the background. After some prodding, he went down the street to get a bicycle part or something!

She tried to cover for him. It is them against me - OH NO!!!!!! I told her she gets punished for lying and he also is obviously punished.....

BigV · 10-13-2005, 07:04 PM

More free parenting advice coming up!

I agree that the lying should be punished. Your judgement is right on target here. One interesting (to me) approach I've used for a first time (this sounds like a first time situation, maybe not first lie, but first time you've all had this combination of factors) problems is to ask the child what they think is the appropriate punishment for their misdeed. The answers have ranged across the scale. Too light, which I read as playing me or truly innocent mistake, too heavy, which I read as overreaction, or my previous heavyhandedness, or a very guilty conscience over another subject. This is usually worthy of another investigation. Usually the answer is an appropriate response, and as a bonus, the child understands the reason, the connection between their actions and their consequences.

As to the "gotta stay home" issue--this sounds easy to measure. Have each kid understand that they individually are responsible for talking to you on the phone at any time during your absence. They should be ready to show their presence, and adherence to the house rule by speaking to you when you call. Can't talk? That's that child's problem. That takes the incentive away from the older to pressure the younger to cover for him. He's got to do his own talking.

As to being ganged up on...Oh yeah. Get used to it. Par for the course. Your best defense is to enlist the help of some mercenary surrogate parents--such as the crowd here in the cellar.

Good luck.

itsjulie · 10-13-2005, 08:30 PM

BigV - You are good!!

I did ask my daughter if she thought she should be punished and she said "no" while she was laughing...but I know she understands why....She learns lessons, my son does not.

Sounds like you may have raised a few yourself?

Mage · 10-13-2005, 08:55 PM

U got it good, my mom had 4 of us against her and my dad, Somehow we never managed to get away with anything tho....We learned eventually that it really wasnt worth it tho....

BigV · 10-14-2005, 10:51 AM

Thanks, itsjulie.

I've been raising children for a long time, true. Raising is the operative word, as they are still in the house, and, let's face it, even the oldest, out of the house at college now, still has plenty of learning to do. How do I know? I need look no further than myself. When I manage to subdue my ego, I find I can learn from my elders and betters. How can my kids be any different?

It is a labor of love, lots of labor, and lots of love. I wouldn't have it any other way.

10-12-2005, 09:28 PM	#1
itsjulie Vice-President of Resentment Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Connecticut Posts: 190	I'm in trouble... I have class on Wednesday nights...the rule is no one goes out on this night...WELL, my 13 year old is just a flat out pain in the ass...always pushing his luck...BUT my daughter would always tell on him, so it was great. They just figured it all out. I called on break to check on them (really the 13 year old) and my daughter tells me he is in the shower. I tell her to get in the bathroom and I better hear him in the background. After some prodding, he went down the street to get a bicycle part or something! She tried to cover for him. It is them against me - OH NO!!!!!! I told her she gets punished for lying and he also is obviously punished..... __________________ I like to know stuff!

10-13-2005, 07:04 PM	#2
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	More free parenting advice coming up! I agree that the lying should be punished. Your judgement is right on target here. One interesting (to me) approach I've used for a first time (this sounds like a first time situation, maybe not first lie, but first time you've all had this combination of factors) problems is to ask the child what they think is the appropriate punishment for their misdeed. The answers have ranged across the scale. Too light, which I read as playing me or truly innocent mistake, too heavy, which I read as overreaction, or my previous heavyhandedness, or a very guilty conscience over another subject. This is usually worthy of another investigation. Usually the answer is an appropriate response, and as a bonus, the child understands the reason, the connection between their actions and their consequences. As to the "gotta stay home" issue--this sounds easy to measure. Have each kid understand that they individually are responsible for talking to you on the phone at any time during your absence. They should be ready to show their presence, and adherence to the house rule by speaking to you when you call. Can't talk? That's that child's problem. That takes the incentive away from the older to pressure the younger to cover for him. He's got to do his own talking. As to being ganged up on...Oh yeah. Get used to it. Par for the course. Your best defense is to enlist the help of some mercenary surrogate parents--such as the crowd here in the cellar. Good luck. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

10-13-2005, 08:30 PM	#3
itsjulie Vice-President of Resentment Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Connecticut Posts: 190	BigV - You are good!! I did ask my daughter if she thought she should be punished and she said "no" while she was laughing...but I know she understands why....She learns lessons, my son does not. Sounds like you may have raised a few yourself? __________________ I like to know stuff!

10-13-2005, 08:55 PM	#4
Mage Bored Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 24	U got it good, my mom had 4 of us against her and my dad, Somehow we never managed to get away with anything tho....We learned eventually that it really wasnt worth it tho.... __________________ An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will

10-14-2005, 10:51 AM	#5
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Thanks, itsjulie. I've been raising children for a long time, true. Raising is the operative word, as they are still in the house, and, let's face it, even the oldest, out of the house at college now, still has plenty of learning to do. How do I know? I need look no further than myself. When I manage to subdue my ego, I find I can learn from my elders and betters. How can my kids be any different? It is a labor of love, lots of labor, and lots of love. I wouldn't have it any other way. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

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