Hmm..

JBKlyde · 10-25-2012, 02:30 AM

I'm attempting to up grade from creative expression to real entertainment please critique me...

Monkey On my Back,
I'm a Suicide Jack,
If your soul is black,
That's The c-o-m-b-i-n-a-tion,
Of every generation,
Look in to my eyes,
I'm saying my good byes,
But every time I leave,
People start to grieve,
So tell me what you need,
Every body bleeds,
We're all the same color,
Underneath the knife,
So if you promise not to chop,
I'll make you my wife,
And when I finally find the one,
I'll be walking on the sun,
ANd then we will be warm forever,
Just rhyming for fun,
The devils eyes are like,
That of a wolf,
Mine are like the pages of a book,
Can you read my heart or,
Is it too broke,
If you think I'm a looser,
Then tell another joke,
I made this far,
And I don't even own a car,
Feelings are a way of expressing,
Who we ARe,
So tell me how you feel,
and this just got real,
ling cheating and stealing,
Just ain't the deal.

JBKlyde · 10-27-2012, 04:46 PM

disclaimer: what I am reffering to in this statement...

"If your soul is black,
That's The c-o-m-b-i-n-a-tion,
Of every generation,"

is the "funk of 47 thousand years"

that's one funkin filthy soul..

Trilby · 10-28-2012, 12:42 PM

Being a poetaster myself, I cannot gauge your own talent.

A poet only to myself, to men useless.

or some such rot.

if you like it, who cares?

JBKlyde · 10-29-2012, 12:55 AM

Well I want my poetry to be "user friendly" and entertaining If I were not concerned with what people thought I would post it under creative expression. The
only way to learn what people want and get better is to have it critiqued.. and that's why I posted it here..

Trilby · 10-29-2012, 07:30 AM

true enough. Just be sure you can handle what people say.

JBKlyde · 10-29-2012, 05:53 PM

And if I had one question to ask the pope.. cause with entertainment comes fame.. Do you forigive me or are you just going to start setting nuts on fire.. and for the rest of you perves I found A really good way to keep the liars out.. if your ever think that someone is lying just say "liar liar nuts on fire". It's a myth.

Trilby · 10-30-2012, 07:25 AM

Hoooo=kay,

My work is done here.

JBKlyde · 10-30-2012, 10:49 AM

It's the Tennesse Honey...

Trilby · 10-30-2012, 02:14 PM

It's Tupelo honey.

JBKlyde · 11-04-2012, 09:09 PM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tupelo

interesting...

10-25-2012, 02:30 AM	#1
JBKlyde Banned Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall Posts: 1,722	Hmm.. I'm attempting to up grade from creative expression to real entertainment please critique me... Monkey On my Back, I'm a Suicide Jack, If your soul is black, That's The c-o-m-b-i-n-a-tion, Of every generation, Look in to my eyes, I'm saying my good byes, But every time I leave, People start to grieve, So tell me what you need, Every body bleeds, We're all the same color, Underneath the knife, So if you promise not to chop, I'll make you my wife, And when I finally find the one, I'll be walking on the sun, ANd then we will be warm forever, Just rhyming for fun, The devils eyes are like, That of a wolf, Mine are like the pages of a book, Can you read my heart or, Is it too broke, If you think I'm a looser, Then tell another joke, I made this far, And I don't even own a car, Feelings are a way of expressing, Who we ARe, So tell me how you feel, and this just got real, ling cheating and stealing, Just ain't the deal. Last edited by JBKlyde; 10-25-2012 at 02:45 AM.

10-28-2012, 12:42 PM	#3
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Being a poetaster myself, I cannot gauge your own talent. A poet only to myself, to men useless. or some such rot. if you like it, who cares? __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

10-29-2012, 07:30 AM	#5
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	true enough. Just be sure you can handle what people say. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

10-29-2012, 05:53 PM	#6
JBKlyde Banned Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall Posts: 1,722	And if I had one question to ask the pope.. cause with entertainment comes fame.. Do you forigive me or are you just going to start setting nuts on fire.. and for the rest of you perves I found A really good way to keep the liars out.. if your ever think that someone is lying just say "liar liar nuts on fire". It's a myth. Last edited by JBKlyde; 10-29-2012 at 07:03 PM.

10-30-2012, 07:25 AM	#7
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Hoooo=kay, My work is done here. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

10-27-2012, 04:46 PM	#2
JBKlyde Banned Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall Posts: 1,722	disclaimer: what I am reffering to in this statement... "If your soul is black, That's The c-o-m-b-i-n-a-tion, Of every generation," is the "funk of 47 thousand years" that's one funkin filthy soul..

10-29-2012, 12:55 AM	#4
JBKlyde Banned Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall Posts: 1,722	Well I want my poetry to be "user friendly" and entertaining If I were not concerned with what people thought I would post it under creative expression. The only way to learn what people want and get better is to have it critiqued.. and that's why I posted it here..

10-30-2012, 10:49 AM	#8
JBKlyde Banned Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall Posts: 1,722	It's the Tennesse Honey...

10-30-2012, 02:14 PM	#9
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	It's Tupelo honey. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

11-04-2012, 09:09 PM	#10
JBKlyde Banned Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall Posts: 1,722	http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tupelo interesting...

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