What's the only cloud in your otherwise blue skies today?

[BigV]

"Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."

Pretty wise words, in my estimation, and a permanent prohibition on stone throwing to boot.

"Those that matter don't care. Those that care don't matter."

Taken together, those young'uns will get by. As for the specific case of the niece and the stealing, honesty, should it come up, feels like the best policy. And I hope that doesn't lead to a conversation that starts with "I have untreated kleptomania." I think it could be overcome, but it will require some uncomfortable candor with an employer who has a more holistic and realistic worldview.

Do you know anyone who hasn't committed any crimes? We all know children who haven't matured to the point of such responsibility; I'm talking about more mature people. I don't. And yet there are people I know that I love, trust, and respect. Don't you think an employer that would disqualify your niece on that small amount of information might otherwise be too strict to thrive under? I don't know, it sounds kind of... unpleasantly narrow-minded.

[glatt]

Good post. But the part about the employer is tricky. There are different branches to an organization. Sometimes, HR is the gatekeeper, and a candidate won't even get past them to talk to the real boss if HR doesn't like seeing a check mark in a particular box.

[orthodoc]

I've had a new dilemma thrown at me tonight. My daughter, the sweetheart who dropped out of her junior year after $100K+ invested in her education, is looking for a new rental. I say hooray to that, because I signed an insane document a few years ago that makes me her co-signor as long as she cares to stay in her current apartment. She's defaulted on her rent twice in the past four months, so that the landlord was calling me at work and threatening to evict her and come after me in court for the rent. She did eventually come through, very late but did make the rent.

Now she's looking to rent a new place, a house with her bf and another person; but the landlord wants 2 co-signors. The other person has a co-signor. Her bf's parents, I learned tonight, are in bankruptcy. So, no co-signor there. She asked me to co-sign.

I swore I wouldn't do something like this. Unfortunately I have to give her an answer very soon and I can't put it off onto anyone else, even though her father volunteered to call her. But she called me and not him; she definitely thinks I'm the easier touch. I can't let him be the bad guy here.

This is bumming my stone big time. I guess it's time to put my money where my mouth is, but it's my little girl. So hard, so much guilt.

[BigV]

I once got a call from EldestSon asking for me to co-sign his lease with his roommates. The cost was super high and I told him no. He was standing IN THE LEASING OFFICE when he called me--no pressure, right? Anyhow, I felt terrible, but there was no way I could keep such a promise, so I didn't make that promise. He found another way to make it happen, obviously someone else co-signed for him.

I felt terrible denying him, cold, like that. But it worked out for everyone. Felt like shit, turned out ok.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Just. Say. No.

It's the right thing to do, for you, and for her.

[Griff]

From what you described she has no ability to pay. You wouldn't be doing anyone a favor here. *sorry*

[DanaC]

I think it'd be fair enough to point to her record in this. Not in a judgemental way, but just that right now, where she is in her life, she can't truly promise it won;t come back to bite you. At a time in your life where you need defences against sudden financial need. not a new way for your finances to potentially get fucked up. Unlike the last time you stood as guarantor, you really can't promise to be able to honour that now.


[eta] Is that a standard thing for them to need over there? Or is there wriggle room? I mean, if they continued looking could they find somewhere that doesn't require two guarantors? If they saved up some money and approached with an offer of a larger deposit instead maybe?

[Clodfobble]

Generally they require guarantors only when there is no provable income to substantiate how the renter is going to pay for it, or if there is a previous history of bad credit (or zero credit at all.) Though it's true that some neighborhoods near colleges are assumed to be high-risk renters and the landlords just won't deal with you without a parent cosigning.

[Pete Zicato]

If you love someone, you do what is best for that person. It may not make them happy.

You will only be aiding and abetting your daughter's current lifestyle if you agree to this.