Homer Jackson

[xoxoxoBruce]

I moved.:p

[dar512]

I can't believe that. Who in their right mind would voluntarily go through the work of packing up all that doodadage?

[wolf]

precisely. crazy.

Of course, he could have been spending all this time photographing doodads right before he puts them in the boxes ...

[limey]

Originally posted by dar512
I can't believe that. Who in their right mind would voluntarily go through the work of packing up all that doodadage?

Surely the word is doodadery ?

[xoxoxoBruce]

No Limey, the dictionary has DooDads, I have DoDads tm.

Good one today.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Is this an up day, Homer?

[homerjackson]

This last week was hard. She called and told me told me that she is going to start a relationship with this other guy. They guy that I figured was the cause of this. So to answer your question, no I didn't have that many up days.

So last night, I wrote her a big long letter explaining my feeling and letting go. I'm devistated by the fact that she betrayed me, the last person in the world I thought would. So now, I must let go and concentrate on me. I've changed my diet, I've started to workout six days a weeks and I'm going to get back into shape. Then when I have confidence in myself, I'm going to find my Queen. I'm not going to get in a hurry though. I'm going to live life to the fullest. I'm going to find me.

Now I have to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. I want to concentrate on my career goals and become successful in that part of my life.

I also want to try dating to see if I can do it. But I tried a couple of weeks ago and got shot down. So my confidence is real low right now.

Other than that, how you doing?

[lumberjim]

ouch!

so she left for another.

motherrrr fucker.


that's gonna leave a mark. how long was it going on between them? is it someone she works with? or someone you both know? or someone she just met?

i don;t know which is better. not that it matters.

fuckin a, homer, hang in there.

[xoxoxoBruce]

I wouldn't worry about finding a queen until you've auditioned all the ladies in waiting. Enlarge your circle of friends/aquaintances and the dates will come to you because if there's anything married women can't stand, it's a free range male. They'll be hooking you up.
Queen,...hmm...I've come to the conclusion that if you put them on a pedestal;
1- They get lonely.
2- They get used to looking down on you.
3- You cease to be any kind of challenge.
4- They see your bald spot before anyone, including you.
Now you don't have to keep them barefoot and pregnant, but it's best to treat them as an equal, even if you feel you're not worthy ...or vis versa.
Career goals aren't bad, but don't be obsessed with a single goal. For example, don't say I want to be President of the USA and be miserable because you only make it to Senator. Say, I want to be a politician and work toward President, and being happy with every step up.
Working out is good. If you get real hunky you might attract some nice guys and you can tell all the women to go to hell. Just kidding. If you get all chiseled and shit, she might regret leaving....naw, she'd probably take credit for motivating you.
Stay positive and keep us posted.

[DanaC]

When I was coping with the breakdown of a 12 year relationship I was temporarily bereft of my internet connection. I wish I had had my internet and a link to this site....

I discovered the depth of my sadness and was amazed to find myself at the other side of it...With a deep and abiding friendship still connecting my ex and me.

I hope your journey is as pain free as such a journey can be. Sounds like you guys are trying your damndest to be grownups and not be acrimonious. I wish you both well in this. Its hard, especially if one of you is moving at a different speed. (seeing someone else)

Sounds trite, but time really is your friend in this. Every day is another day closer to the time when you are comfortable with your situation. What feels downright bizarre right now (not being in the relationship) ) may feel perfectly natural in time.

Good luck.

[homerjackson]

To kind of answer all the replies.

She and I work at the same place, luckily not together and she works on a different shift. But yes, she met this guy at work. They work together. I have some dealings with the department she works in because I support that customer. In July of 2003, they started working together, in October he told her that he was in love with her. She loved it. She was flattered. I was pissed. We argued a lot about it because, yes I was jealous, and she spent so much time with him. 40 hours a week plus when she would get home at night they would play games on line. He got her into Everquest. I should have know then, that my marriage had ended. She claimes that nothing has happened yet, but she would like to persue it. I think she is lying. I know that she would not cheat on me, I think that she is pushing for this divorce and then she will start the relationship once it is final.

I don't get it though. She grew up very religious, me somewhat. I met her when I was 15. She asked me not to start drinking (everybody in my family does), so I didn't since I hadn't started anyways it was easy. She wanted a family but we both agreed that we should get our degrees before we started the family. This guy gets drunk every weekend and he has kids and can't have any more (there are other things that would also go against what she wants, but we'll leave it at this). Why would she be interested in him? He can't give her the things that she wants (or at least used to want). I don't get it. She stated at the beginning of this break up that she wasn't happy and she wanted to be alone and find herself. I think that she is partially telling the truth there. He will never make her happy and she's not seeing that yet. She will have to discover it on her own.

I love her (even though I would never take her back, I can) and I want her to be taken care of, but at the same time, I hope that she persues this relationship with him because I know that sooner or later she will get in too deep and realize the mistakes that she made and regret it. Is that bad of me to say?

Even though I care and worry about her, I have to stop. I have to worry about me. And Bruce your right, I will be careful about how I concentrate on items in my life, especailly my career goals. I think overall, my life goals wont change. Just because I made goals with her in mind doesn't mean that I still wont have a family later on. That is my ultimate goal. To have my family. I think it's a realistic goal. It may not be with Cindy Crawford (ha ha joke) but I will find my queen.

Queen: meaning that I want her to feel like I'm taking care of her and that she is the only one in my life. That she feels special. That she knows that I love her and she is happy. No, I'm not going to buy her everything in site, that's where I went wrong with my wife....she wants and wants and wants but it never makes her happy. I use the word Queen because I want her to feel like she is a Queen of my world and that I'm the King in hers. I don't know how else to describe it without sounding superficial. I guess I'm still a hopeless romantic.

Either way, She (my wife) keeps turning that knife in my back a little harder each time we speak and I hurt from it, but I'm amazed that I can bounce back like I have because before I would have probably killed myself.

You guys are great. And I hope that I haven't overstayed my welcome. It helps to get this out.

[wolf]

You don't sounds hopeless at all, Homer.

You sound like a guy who cares very deeply, isn't afraid to feel, and any woman who receives the kind of attention you describe should bask in it and cherish it.

*hugs* (just ask bruce. I do good hugs)

[xoxoxoBruce]

Either way, She (my wife) keeps turning that knife in my back a little harder each time we speak

It might be a good idea to try to limit contact with her until after may 5th.

Yeah, great hugs.

[homerjackson]

Your right about the contact, but it's not me contacting her. She contacted me. She only called to talk about divorce crap. I was stupid and asked the question. I guess I needed to know.

And yes, I'm glad I asked. I rather know. It hurt, but I have closure. Which is what I needed. Now I feel that I can move on. It was a release and even though it hurts, it feels good at the same time.

Thanks everybody for your care and support. The hugs are nice too. I'll keep you informed on the happenings.

[lumberjim]

I'll keep you informed on the happenings.

yes, do.

i'd like to know as much as you feel like telling us. THis is really a great place to share this kind of thing.

Now, you might feel a little hesitant to bare your true feelings and emotions on the internet where anyone can read them, but if you think about it, it makes sense.

Advice helps with things like this. Too much time alone thinking about it all can put you into a tailspin of depression and regret. But telling your friends or relatives carries repercussions, too. You feel like you should put on a brave face. You don;t want to make them feel obligated to feel sorry for you. It's an awkward thing.

In here, you'll get honest feedback from a wide base of experiences. while friends will be supportive, they will invariably color their advice or reactions to help cheer you up. They may not be honest about how they feel because they want you to feel better. You'll get the straight dope here. and some jokes.

and we'll take the benefit of your experiences with this into our own. I, personally, cannot really imagine going through this. My parents got divorced when I was 12, my sister got divorced a few years ago, but there again, I got the brave face from them. And I didnt really want to know the details.

so, if you would like, treat this thread like a log, and keep it updated frequently.