05/21/03: The Waiting Rooms.

[juju]

Kathy and I were in the doctor's waiting room today, waiting to have her pregnancy evaluated. Most of the time we're there is spent waiting. Usually, it's about an 80/20 ratio. Today, we were there for an hour and saw the doctor for ten minutes. It's pretty boring. I usually sit there and wonder whether or not they're going to manipulate her vagina in front of me again. This time Kathy said it wouldn't happen, thankfully for me. It would just be a routine check-up and we would listen to the heartbeat again.

We've actually discovered that there are three different "levels" of waiting rooms before you actually get to see a real doctor. It's sort of like the layers of hell, only boring instead of hellatious, and fewer in number. First there's the waiting room where people first come in. We sit there for a while and wait for them to call Kathy's name. Then, a nurse comes out and says, "Katherine Morton?" It's at this point that we use all our pent-up excitement to jump up and run after the nurse. The nurse takes Kathy's blood pressure, weighs her, and then deposits us in a completely new waiting room. Great, more waiting! All we can do now is examine the god-awful wallpaper. We're happy to have progressed, but now we've let all this anticipation turn into excited energy, but all we can do with our tweaked-out selves is sit there and do nothing. It's very anti-climactic, but it still feels like graduation in a way.

Then, after about 20 minutes, a different nurse will come and take us to a completely different room. It's in this third waiting room that we will eventually get to see the doctor, but not before wating for another 20 minutes.

While we were waiting in the first room, Kathy was going on and on about which babies in her family looked like which parent, and trying to figure out which parental resemblance was more likely for a given baby based on her data.

"Well, so-and-so looks SO much like so-and-so, but then baby foo-foo looks like blad-diddy-blah. But then.."

Quite frankly, the conversation didn't really interest me. In fact, I was really only half-listening (is this a skill husbands learn?). Usually, when this happens, I try to come up with some really off-the-wall shit to say. I'll state something that she knows I hold the exact opposite opinion of, and then try to defend it to to the death. My goal is then to be as utterly convincing as possible, to try to convince her that I really do believe something that's completely insane, that I've stated the exact opposite of on numerous occasions. It's really fun, especially because of the looks I get.

"That's a myth.", I matter-of-factly stated. "Babies don't look like their parents, it's just a myth. Because really, people just see what they want to see. You can see similarities in anything if you look hard enough. It's just a human condition. Like UFO's or the Bible -- people see what they want to see."

I went on and on, but she wasn't buying it this time. She just looked at me (heh heh). But as I'm going off on my point, acting like a complete idiot, the nurse comes out and calls Kathy's name. So I jump up to follow them, and as I turn, I see this lady with too much make-up on, staring at me in utter horror and confusion. She'd been sitting right behind us the whole time, and I didn't know. In that split second, I realized that she'd just heard everything I had just said. But without knowing who I was, she probably just believed that someone was really stupid enough to think that babies don't look like their parents.

Heh.. that look on her face was priceless. I've never seen horror and confusion mixed together in such strong doses before. It was the highlight of my day!

[xoxoxoBruce]

Just think of the things you COULD have said, not knowing she was there. For that matter the things you COULD have said if you knew she was there. Bwahahahahaha!!

[juju]

Yeah, but if I knew she was there I probably would have tried to act normal. Yeah, yeah, boring, I know. So it's a good thing I didn't see her, I suppose. I'm a very different person around people I know, as opposed to people I only casually know. It takes me a while to open up.

Today, I saw this guy, who was rather large, and his wedding ring was embedded so deeply into his fat fingers that I don't know how the hell he'd ever get it off. In fact, I couldn't really figure out how he even got it on, unless he put it on 2 or 3 years ago and then never took it off. I wanted to say something, like, "How in the HELL did you get that ring on your finger?" But alas, I can't be rude. :)

[wolf]

Sure you can Juju ...

Oh, and you might eventually notice ALL the women in the waiting room staring at you with horror and confusion.

You, at that point, may be the lone representative of the reasons for their current discomfort and distress.

Resentment of anyone with a penis sets in around the 6th month. (so I'm told. I have no practical experience here).

[darclauz]

i HATED preggo doctor visits. i had 27 ultrasounds..really...and a doc appt every week. i had the ob, the diabetic doc, the hospital docs, the ultrasound docs. i knew about 10 days into it that i was pregnant, and my daughter was 1 month early. so that was just about 37 weeks, 27 ultrasounds, once a week appts. next time..if there is a next time... i'm not telling the doc till 5 months along. they gave me insulin, which i can get, they gave me vitamins, which i can get...they stuck a wand into my sinus cavities via my womb.

nooooooooooooooooo thanks. i hated men, i hated doctors, i hated this freakin' quilt on the wall at the obgyn's .. it was perfectly symetrical except for one blue block down on the left hand corner. i think i hated that one blue block more than anything else..ever...even the waiting room nazis.

[juju]

That wand is amazing. I can't think of any other instance where it's okay for someone to stick a dildo up your vagina in a serious and professional manner.

[darclauz]

Originally posted by juju
That wand is amazing. I can't think of any other instance where it's okay for someone to stick a dildo up your vagina in a serious and professional manner.

and the way they roll that condom down on it...i mean, my lord! no music or candlelight or ANYTHING.

[SteveDallas]

I won't repeat my previous post on the subject but it's moderately appropriate.

[darclauz]

Originally posted by SteveDallas
Based on my experience, I suspect at least SOME of them derived SOME element of pleasure from the process.") This bit of restraint probably explains why I am here today typing to you, rather than having been bludgeoned to death with a speculum.

oh yeah............when i had that baby-making tryst, i had it on that very table, under those lights, with my feet in those stirrups and wearing that paper lingerie....and wasn't that guy in the white coat sitting in the corner?

no. tell me, do you get any pleasure from that trun-your-head-and-cough thing????????????

just curious..........

[SteveDallas]

All I can say is, lots of things pop into one's head unbidden that shouldn't be said. Part of maturity and good judgement (which I don't claim to have either of) is learning to stomp em out fast before they get said.

But, to answer your question... I consider it a somewhat uncomfortable medical procedure and I think it would be silly to refuse to do it because of the discomfort. When I think of things like having a cavity filled, or like being injected with dye and having my head immobilized so that a couple dozen photographs of my retina can be taken with a flash straight into my eyeball, I honestly have to say I'd take the prostate exam.

[juju]

Heheheh.. yeah, the thought of them getting pleasure from it is pretty funny. As a guy, it seems like they would, but like she said, women like to be wooed first. Hence the statement, "What? No music or candlelight?".

[juju]

The thing that freaks me out is that both my mother and mother-in-law are going to be present during my wife's delivery. Up until now, we've been able to pretend that I wasn't fucking my mother-in-law's daughter. Or at least, we've been able to dance around the subject. But there's nothing like shoving her pussy in the air and watching a huge baby squeeze out of it to shatter all those illusions.

And I'll be there for the whole thing, feeling guilty, because we all know that sex is bad. <g>

[darclauz]

Originally posted by juju
The thing that freaks me out is that both my mother and mother-in-law are going to be present during my wife's delivery. Up until now, we've been able to pretend that I wasn't fucking my mother-in-law's daughter. Or at least, we've been able to dance around the subject. But there's nothing like shoving her pussy in the air and watching a huge baby squeeze out of it to shatter all those illusions.

And I'll be there for the whole thing, feeling guilty, because we all know that sex is bad. <g>

believe me......the blood, the water, the mucus, the shit.... there's nothing there that will remind you of sex. you won't even remember.

in fact, all things considered...it's best not to associate the two.

[juju]

That's what Kathy said, too. I hope you're right!

[xoxoxoBruce]

And I'll be there for the whole thing, feeling guilty, because we all know that sex is bad.

Naw, sex isn't bad, YOU are bad. You rapist, you molester of moms sweet little girl. Shame on you..you..you MAN.
HAHAHA