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   Undertoad  Monday May 22 12:37 PM

5/22/2006: Coors Light townhouse



axlrosen suggests this bunch, which tell the story of a sad gentleman who consumed 70,000 Coors Light cans over 8 years and never threw any of the empties away.



That's 24 "silver bullets" a day average.



But you know, the most interesting part of the full story are these two details:

Quote:
To all outward appearances, the person who lived in the townhouse was the perfect tenant. He always paid on time and he never complained. He kept a low profile in the neighborhood.
Quote:
Property manager: "The man who lived there seems to be back on his feet. We spoke to him today and he says he's completely stopped drinking. He was welcomed back to his old job a few months ago, and his co-workers speak highly of him."



Ibby  Monday May 22 12:45 PM

Oh

My

Fucking

God.



glatt  Monday May 22 01:01 PM

This actually isn't that bad. You hear about hoarders with houses filled with crap. Takes weeks to clean them out, and the houses are trashed afterwards.

These really appear to just be cans. You could use a plastic snow shovel to shovel them outside and into a dumpster. Then recycle them. Would only take a day or two. Open the windows for a while and the smell would probably go away.

The amazing story here is that he drank a case a day and was able to function.



footfootfoot  Monday May 22 03:01 PM

it was coors light. 70,000x.05 = $3500.



Stormieweather  Monday May 22 03:33 PM

Heh...that looks eerily familiar.

I had a tenant family once that totally trashed the place they rented from me.

Free curbside garbage pickup and they stuffed all their bags into the carport shed instead of walk 10 feet to the curb. It was so full that they were barely able to get the door closed...all the way up to the ceiling. It took me a week and 107 lawn garbage bags to empty it out. Had to bribe the garbage man to haul it all away too. You really don't want details of what kind of crud was crawling in there.

They emptied their ashtrays into the broom closet instead of the trash can which resulted in a 3 feet deep pile of nasty butts.

They took beer bottle caps and pushed them into the ceiling tiles, creating a sort of trashy new look. The entire ceiling was covered in beer caps.

They took down the custom drapes and nailed them over the screens on the screened in porch.

I don't think they once cleaned the bathroom. I've seen cleaner ones in abandoned industrial buildings. (It had to be torn out and completely rebuilt).

They smashed the outside walls by driving a vehicle into them. Apparently while fighting, the wife tried to run down the husband and got the building instead...repeatedly.

When I had the sheriff evict them, they left a lot of stuff behind including closets full of things with the price tags still attached (stolen?).

Lovely family . Mother, father, teenager, a pre-teen and a toddler.

Never again will I be a landlord. Ever.

Stormie



mrnoodle  Monday May 22 03:35 PM

you said i could do the thing with the bottlecaps



Flint  Monday May 22 04:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by glatt
You hear about hoarders with houses filled with crap.
I read about this in Popular Science, or Discover, or Scientific American, can't remember which. It's a specific type of behavior, it doesn't respond to the medications prescribed for Obsessive/Compulsive behavior. It appears to be a product of the resource-hoarding instinct we have evolved to be programmed with. Just like a squirell hoarding nuts for the winter, only these people lack the ability to make a distinction between useful and non-useful objects. Something in the way their brains are wired inappropriately attaches value to these items.

Quote:
Originally Posted by glatt
You could use a plastic snow shovel to shovel them outside and into a dumpster. Then recycle them.
No! I want those cans! I want to make suits of armor out of them! (Once, while camping out and tubing on the Guadalupe River, I made a suit of armor out of the boxes from 8 18-packs)


capnhowdy  Monday May 22 04:12 PM

The beer cost him around 44,000 dollars. Wow



milkfish  Monday May 22 04:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by footfootfoot
it was coors light. 70,000x.05 = $3500.
And at 4.2% alcohol by volume, I calculate that that comes to 276 gallons of ethanol processed by one liver. That would have been an impressive collection of empties even if it had been in the form of fifths of vodka.


Happy Monkey  Monday May 22 04:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flint
Just like a squirell hoarding nuts for the winter, only these people lack the ability to make a distinction between useful and non-useful objects. Something in the way their brains are wired inappropriately attaches value to these items.
Hmmm. I may have a low level case of that. Not to a pathological extent, but just a tad.


Undertoad  Monday May 22 04:30 PM

Stormie, my momma had a tenant like that once. Problem was they also were one of those weird folks who decide to hoard *dogs*. Aside from the den of garbage, SPCA removed some large number of setters from the place, in terrible condition.

Now the bad news, the parts of the place that weren't ruined, we had to live in. It was our house that was temporarily rented out and we had to return to it.

It was my job to clean the dead rats up after our homemade rat poison+oats mixture did its job.

(Ma, it has been an interesting life so far and I do believe I am far richer for having gone through all that stuff.)



glatt  Monday May 22 04:39 PM

That's my only beef with rat poison. I prefer traps. You know where the dead rat will be, and it won't show up in some unfortunate place where it will die.



Kagen4o4  Monday May 22 06:25 PM

see what happens when you drink american light beer



Perry Winkle  Monday May 22 06:34 PM

Man, now I don't feel so bad about the two minor paint scuffs/scratches I caused moving in/out of my last place....



Spexxvet  Monday May 22 06:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by glatt
That's my only beef with rat poison. I prefer traps. You know where the dead rat will be, and it won't show up in some unfortunate place where it will die.
And you can't eat them if you poison them.


capnhowdy  Monday May 22 06:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by glatt
That's my only beef with rat poison. I prefer traps. You know where the dead rat will be, and it won't show up in some unfortunate place where it will die.
Yep..... nothing like the old 'dead rat inside the wall cavity' horrorshow. Bad childhood memory.


lumberjim  Monday May 22 06:57 PM

sez you. you just gotta know how to cook em



Wombat  Monday May 22 07:12 PM

The amazing thing about this story is his choice of beer. Surely the first can would be enough to put anyone off that weak tasteless piss forever?



seakdivers  Monday May 22 07:30 PM

Can you imagine what that smelled like? The leftover swill at the bottom of each can, fermenting for years........ eeeeewww...



Katkeeper  Monday May 22 07:31 PM

(Ma, it has been an interesting life so far and I do believe I am far richer for having gone through all that stuff.)

But remember, I told you to wear gloves!



xoxoxoBruce  Monday May 22 08:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flint
snip~ Just like a squirell hoarding nuts for the winter, only these people lack the ability to make a distinction between useful and non-useful objects. Something in the way their brains are wired inappropriately attaches value to these items.~snip
The great thing now is you don't even have to go out to get it......ebay, baby.


squirell nutkin  Monday May 22 10:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flint
Just like a squirell hoarding nuts for the winter, only these people lack the ability to make a distinction between useful and non-useful objects.
Who's been diggin up my nuts?

10 points if you can guess the reference.


Happy Monkey  Tuesday May 23 07:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wombat
The amazing thing about this story is his choice of beer. Surely the first can would be enough to put anyone off that weak tasteless piss forever?
Maybe he'd discovedred a method for concentrating a case into a single can! It would explain a lot...


John  Tuesday May 23 09:23 AM

Quote:
And at 4.2% alcohol by volume,
Coors Light is *not* 4% beer. More like 3 and a bit.

So he's basically drinking 12 Keith's a day, which I wouldn't *want* to do (it would get expensive, fast) but I could and still function. Assume 8 hours sleeping, 8 hours drinking, 8 hours slightly hungover and doing the basic things to keep my in house, home, and beer... yeah, that works.

Depending on his tolerance, the dude might even be able to pull that off and keep his day job.


Trilby  Tuesday May 23 10:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by John
Assume 8 hours sleeping, 8 hours drinking, 8 hours slightly hungover
It's those 8 hours of 'slightly' hungover that'll kill ya.

Man, I hated hangovers. I always prayed for death.


Kagen4o4  Tuesday May 23 05:39 PM

8 beers over 8 hours is nothing. i wouldnt even feel it. i have that much in half the time and can still vacuum. (long story)
but yeah no need of a hang over.



footfootfoot  Tuesday May 23 08:32 PM

Yeah a beer an hour is standard for staying under .08, assuming it is not above 5. something



busterb  Tuesday May 23 08:49 PM

Well I would post my consumption rate on a good day, but I'm afraid it might be a bad influence on some of the younger members.



footfootfoot  Tuesday May 23 09:20 PM

I thought you were off the sauce buster? Or are you talking old times?



Ubergeek  Tuesday May 23 10:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by John
Coors Light is *not* 4% beer. More like 3 and a bit..
Hey! Not only is not 4%... it's not even fucking beer okay?!

It's a LIGHT AMERICAN beer... I've bought stuff from A & W that had more of a right to call itself beer than Coors, let alone Coors light. :p

Hell, tap water here in Canada has more bite to it

Acroyear


milkfish  Wednesday May 24 01:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by John
Coors Light is *not* 4% beer. More like 3 and a bit.
Did you look at the link? 4% by volume is 3.2% by weight which is I think what people generally talk about informally.

But yeah, I hate Coors too.


Undertoad  Monday May 29 01:52 PM

Snopes covers this today with larger images and one additional twist on the tale:

"THESE PICTURES DON'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO WHAT IT REALLY LOOKED LIKE. CENTURY 21 HAD ALREADY MOVED SOME OF THE CANS OUT AND HAD CAVED IN TUNNELS THAT HE HAD MADE TO GET TO THE BEDROOM, BATHROOM, AND KITCHEN."



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