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   Undertoad  Saturday Mar 31 11:30 AM

March 31, 2007: Panda porn



Axlrosen sent the full story and 20minutos.es daily gallery has the shot of this, Chuang Chuang the panda, who has been watching panda porn on a big screen television for days and days. Tapes of pandas getting it on. Because Chuang himself isn't taking to the concept, and they hope he'll figure it out by watching.

Quote:
"Chuang Chuang seems indifferent to the videos; he has no reaction to what he's seeing on TV," Kanika said. "But we're continuing to show him videos and hoping they will leave an impression."
Maybe he's gay, and they're showing him the wrong tapes. More likely pandas take in information differently than people, and the images he sees are so obviously NOT pandas that the whole thing doesn't matter to him.

We see television images as representations and can make that extra step to understand that what we're seeing is a moving image of something else, but that's a pretty complicated process. The animals I've known have not been able to process non-moving pictures, never mind moving ones. My dog doesn't care what's on TV, until the audio is meaningful - something barks - which is a more realistic representation of another dog, to her.

Our brains are set up to recognize patterns and to associate them with the abstract concept of what we are looking at; instead of saying this is a picture of UT, you might just say this is UT and the complicated process that got you from one notion to the other is so quick you don't consider it.

This obviously leads to Magritte's "This is not a pipe", actually titled "The Treachery of Images". But I don't want to digress too much further.


elSicomoro  Saturday Mar 31 11:37 AM

I've heard of "typical male" pandas before. Maybe some of them really are gay. Or incredibly fucking lazy.



Sheldonrs  Saturday Mar 31 11:41 AM

Maybe he's just not attracted to the ladies they bring him.

Maybe he's into roll playing. Try dressing the lady panda as a kangaroo and see if it helps.

Then again, maybe he just prefers to Panda-handle things himself.



Karenv  Saturday Mar 31 01:15 PM

The media isn't the message

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undertoad View Post


More likely pandas take in information differently than people, and the images he sees are so obviously NOT pandas that the whole thing doesn't matter to him.

We see television images as representations and can make that extra step to understand that what we're seeing is a moving image of something else, but that's a pretty complicated process. The animals I've known have not been able to process non-moving pictures, never mind moving ones. My dog doesn't care what's on TV, until the audio is meaningful - something barks - which is a more realistic representation of another dog, to him.
Maybe he just needs a live demonstration.


elSicomoro  Saturday Mar 31 01:17 PM

Maybe he just wants his woman to use Dynadouche.



Spexxvet  Saturday Mar 31 03:16 PM

That panda is obviously gay. I'm getting horny myself just seeing the picture of panda porn. He should be sporting wood by now, what with him bein' a panda 'n' all.



elSicomoro  Saturday Mar 31 03:57 PM

Excuse me while I go change my pants...



Sheldonrs  Saturday Mar 31 07:33 PM

I'm betting he likes it in the bamboo chute.



Guess  Sunday Apr 1 02:23 PM

maybe the reason he's not gettin' it on is because he's locked up in a cage. i bet if he was out in the wild, he'd be doin' it with all the lady pandas.



xoxoxoBruce  Sunday Apr 1 02:49 PM

It seems the Chinese have breeding farms where they're artificially inseminating Pandas because they are so slow on the uptake.



piercehawkeye45  Sunday Apr 1 02:57 PM

Couldn't you just make some panda test tube babies?



Megamiyumi  Sunday Apr 1 04:34 PM

Maybe they should try hdtv!!!
More realistic images might do the thing :P



rfoxx  Sunday Apr 1 05:19 PM

The fact is, female pandas are bitchy and cantankerous 51 weeks out of the year. They're in heat for one week. So, what's a poor male panda to make of that? Sound like any other species? They need to take him to a bar and get him drunk.



Trilby  Sunday Apr 1 06:18 PM

Hi, megami--very funny post!

rfoxx--not gettin' any, huh?



King  Sunday Apr 1 06:40 PM

Evolutionarily speaking, it makes no sense that pandas are so unwilling/incapable of breeding. I can't get my head around how this would come about. I should ask one of my biology teachers after Easter. Damn pandas making me doubt my understanding of evolutionary theory.



Pie  Sunday Apr 1 07:11 PM

As an economics professor told me, the companies that survive don't necessarily have to be the best, they just have to be better than break-even.
Apparently, pandas were able to keep the birthrate > deathrate, at least for the last 18 million years or so. Many animals in captivity experience decreased sex drive. Would you be able to perform in front of a room of zoologists? Okay, not you, Spexxvet.



DanaC  Sunday Apr 1 07:16 PM

Quote:
The animals I've known have not been able to process non-moving pictures, never mind moving ones. My dog doesn't care what's on TV, until the audio is meaningful - something barks - which is a more realistic representation of another dog, to her.
My aunti had a collie dog who loved televised football. As soon as he heard the theme tune from Match of the Day, he's hurtle in from wherever he was in the house and plonk himself right in front of the telly. His head would move from side to side like he was watching the action and he'd growl like fuck at anyone who tried to change the channel.


DanaC  Sunday Apr 1 07:16 PM

Quote:
The animals I've known have not been able to process non-moving pictures, never mind moving ones. My dog doesn't care what's on TV, until the audio is meaningful - something barks - which is a more realistic representation of another dog, to her.
My auntie had a collie dog who loved televised football. As soon as he heard the theme tune from Match of the Day, he's hurtle in from wherever he was in the house and plonk himself right in front of the telly. His head would move from side to side like he was watching the action and he'd growl like fuck at anyone who tried to change the channel.


xoxoxoBruce  Sunday Apr 1 07:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Megamiyumi View Post
Maybe they should try hdtv!!!
More realistic images might do the thing :P
Welcome to the Cellar Megamiyumi.
You may be on to something since pandas have poor eyesight.


monster  Sunday Apr 1 09:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DanaC View Post
My auntie had a collie dog who loved televised football. As soon as he heard the theme tune from Match of the Day, he's hurtle in from wherever he was in the house and plonk himself right in front of the telly. His head would move from side to side like he was watching the action and he'd growl like fuck at anyone who tried to change the channel.
Did he go look for the ball round the back of the TV when the cameras weren't fast enough to follow the action?


Undertoad  Sunday Apr 1 10:17 PM

Border collies are the one dog that I would expect to watch TV and understand it, perhaps even write important criticism.

(Although in this case I suspect he was tracking Uncle's behavior, who might also run for the telly at the sound of the MotD theme, and growl at Auntie trying to change the channel)



Sundae  Monday Apr 2 06:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pie View Post
Apparently, pandas were able to keep the birthrate > deathrate, at least for the last 18 million years or so.
No they weren't. They arrived on the ark with the kangaroos.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DanaC View Post
My auntie had a collie dog who loved televised football.
My boys get interested in television when the camera is static and the images move from one side of the screen to the other. There was a sports trailer where a ball would bounce onto the screen and it caught their attention every time. I'm tempted to buy them a cat dvd.


Happy Monkey  Monday Apr 2 12:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by King View Post
Evolutionarily speaking, it makes no sense that pandas are so unwilling/incapable of breeding. I can't get my head around how this would come about.
Nobody knows why, or they would probably be able to correct for it, but I can think of a couple of possibilities.

1) Some sort of bamboo mold makes them horny, and it is not in most zoos, ans is dying out in the wild.

2) Their mating interest is related to their range, which is minimal in zoos and diminishing in the wild.

It's probably neither of these but there are certainly any number of ways that a species can be put in a precarious situation by evolution.


Undertoad  Tuesday Apr 3 08:41 AM

The porn failed.

Quote:
BANGKOK, Thailand - After panda porn failed to spark amour, Thai zoo authorities turned Monday to artificial insemination in the hope of impregnating their lone female giant panda.

Authorities at the Chiang Mai Zoo in northern Thailand inseminated Lin Hui with semen from her cage-mate, Chuang Chuang, on Monday morning and will repeat the procedure on Tuesday. The artificial insemination is a last ditch effort to get Lin Hui pregnant, after videos of pandas having sex failed to entice Chuang Chuang into mating with his partner.

"He just didn't want to mate. He was looking at her as a friend," said Sophon Dummui, director general of Thai Zoo Organization of Thailand which oversees the Chiang Mai Zoo.



Shawnee123  Tuesday Apr 3 09:11 AM

And yet, this darling bird fell in love with a big old boat.



xoxoxoBruce  Tuesday Apr 3 08:47 PM

Yeah, but they won't procreate either.



Aliantha  Tuesday Apr 3 09:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DanaC View Post
he'd growl like fuck at anyone who tried to change the channel.

How does f**k growl?


Kingswood  Wednesday Apr 4 10:47 PM

I think the panda porn would have been more effective if the reluctant panda was watching smellovision.



Bitman  Wednesday Apr 4 11:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undertoad
The porn failed.
Well, naturally. Who can get excited about a porno where everyone's wearing fur coats?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aliantha
How does f**k growl?
Role playing?


xoxoxoBruce  Thursday Apr 5 08:41 PM

Should have put another male in with the pair and let 'em duke it out. Maybe tie their left forepaws together.



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