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   Undertoad  Sunday Feb 16 12:55 PM

2/16/2003: Vegetable orchestra



These are just a few of the instruments used by the First Vienna Vegetable Orchestra. Aside from foods, the orchestra allows itself the use of kitchen implements, but that's it.

Are they serious? Of course! Here's the Yahoo News link:

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/030214/80/dt8gh.html

And here's the group's site:

http://www.gemueseorchester.org

According to the story, after the concert the "used" instruments are tossed into a big ol' pot and cooked up into a soup that is enjoyed by the audience.

That's the only part of the story I'm not down with. It's just not hygenic. I don't see any spit valves on this stuff.

If only the EU allowed genetically engineered food, they could really fill out the orchestra nicely.

And another thing: I don't see any beans here, and everyone knows they are the musical fruit. The more you eat, the more you toot.



wolf  Sunday Feb 16 04:15 PM

The spit adds to the flavor ...

Hopefully the cooking temperature of the soup/stew is sufficient to kill anything nasty.



tokenidiot  Sunday Feb 16 06:23 PM

The first one especially gave arousing performance.



adrian hassall  Sunday Feb 16 11:56 PM

any ideas on the *instrument * on the lower left ?



wolf  Monday Feb 17 12:04 AM

I believe those are leeks.

I can envision two possible uses for the tissue-paper like leaves.

One the comb-and-tissue paper ... there may be some kitchen implement that you could wrap the leaves around ...

The other would be to use it as a vibrating reed in the "grass stem between the thumbs whistle".



elSicomoro  Monday Feb 17 12:22 AM

I gotta agree with UT here...no way on eating it. That's mono waiting to happen. While Wolf might be right on the temp deal, that's just...yuck.



Drydock  Monday Feb 17 12:39 AM

Technical questions.

What kind of AMP do you plug an electric leek into?(get your eyes off my dangling participle) i don't imagine you could crank the gain too high without getting weed n' feedback.

"Oh yeah, the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time." Grandpa



wolf  Monday Feb 17 12:41 AM

Hell, I'm not eating it either ... are you KIDDING??

Ick.

Not only are they USED vegetables, they're, well, VEGETABLES ... (blech, ptooey, greenstuff, etc.)

I know one thing ... they wouldn't get away with this in a civilized country like America ... nosiree ... we have food safety standards in this country, buddy ... only time we get spit in OUR food here is when we insult the waiter or send our food back to the kitchen for any reason.



xoxoxoBruce  Monday Feb 17 10:26 AM

Veggies are not food. Veggies are what food eats. (stolen from somewhere)



And  Monday Feb 17 11:32 AM

Oh my god... letscho74.mp3 sounds like they are using all their vegetable instruments to flog a cow to death. Maybe some people can find that stuff entertaining, but not me. And personally I would not want the drool of 8 strangers in my soup, no matter how hot it was cooked.



SteveDallas  Tuesday Feb 18 01:17 PM

Oh this would be hilarious to see.. tho I bet it might get old re-carving new instruments each time.



wolf  Tuesday Feb 18 02:02 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SteveDallas
Oh this would be hilarious to see.. tho I bet it might get old re-carving new instruments each time.
But better than playing a moldy squash.


Elspode  Tuesday Feb 18 08:41 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SteveDallas
Oh this would be hilarious to see.. tho I bet it might get old re-carving new instruments each time.
I think you underestimate just how bored these people have to be to want to carve vegetable instruments *in the first place*.

Each new carving is probably an orgasmic experience for these folks...


wolf  Tuesday Feb 18 09:54 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Elspode
Each new carving is probably an orgasmic experience for these folks...
DAMMIT! And all this time I've just been using plain OLD vegetables ... carving them, that's BRILLIANT!!! Oh thank you Elspode! You've made me a happier woman.


Elspode  Tuesday Feb 18 10:51 PM

Yes, just keep repeating this mantra while carving...

"Ribbed for her pleasure...Ribbed for her pleasure...Ribbed for her pleasure"

A moderate washboard pattern should do the trick.:p



jeni  Wednesday Feb 19 07:30 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by tokenidiot
The first one especially gave arousing performance.


this post needs more love.


MaggieL  Wednesday Feb 19 11:15 PM

"Like thousands of tiny fingers, urging a woman to let go" was the slogan in the 1970's...

Of course we've all seen the advantages list, carved or un:

1. the average cucumber is at least seven inches long
2. cucumbers stay hard for a week
3. a cucumber won't tell you size doesn't count
4. cucumbers don't get too excited
5. a cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety
6. cucumbers are easy to pick up
7. you can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket
8. ... and you know how firm it is before you take it home
9. you only eat cucumbers when you feel like it
10. no matter how you slice it, you can always have your cuke and eat it too
11. cucumbers can get away any weekend
12. with a cucumber you can get a single room
13. ... and you won't have to check in as Mrs. Cucumber
14. a cucumber will always respect you in the morning
15. you can go to movie with a cucumber ... and see the movie
16. at a drive-in, you can stay in the front seat
17. a cucumber can alwsays wait until you get home
18. a cucumber won't eat all the popcorn or send you out to get Milk Duds
19. a cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival
20. a cucumber won't ask "Am I the first?"
21. cucumbers don't care if you are a virgin
22. cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin
23. cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin
24. with cucumbers, you don't have to be a virgin more than once
25. cucumbers won't write your name and number on the men's room wall
26. cucumbers don't have sex hangups
27. cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with your boots on
28. cucumbers aren't into leathers and chains, talking dirty, or swinging with fruits and nuts
29. you can have as many cucumbers as you can handle
30. cucumbers never need a round of applause
31. cucumbers won't ask:
Am I the best?
How was it?
Did you come?
How many times?
32. cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynecologist, ski/tennis instructors
33. a cucumber won't want to join your support group
34. a cucumber never wants to improve your mind
35. cucumbers aren't into meaningful conversations
36. cucumbers won't ask about your last lover or speculate about your next one
37. a cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator
38. a cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes over
39. no matter what age group you are in, you can always get a fresh cucumber
40. cucumbers can handle rejection
41. a cucumber won't pout if you have a headache
42. a cucumber won't care what time of the month it is
43. a cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet
44. with a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry
45. cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow
46. cucumbers won't give you a hickey
47. cucumbers can stay up all night, and you won't have to sleep in the wet spot
48. Afterwards, a cucumber won't: want to shake hands and be friends
say, "I'll call you a cab."
tell you he's not the marrying kind
tell you he is the marrying kind
call his mother, ex-wife, or therapist
take you to confesion
49. cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month
50. a cucumber won't make you go to the drugstore
51. cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for him
52. a cucumber a day keeps the ob-gyn away
53. a cucumber won't work your crossword with ink
54. a cucumber isn't allergic to your cat
55. with a cucumber, you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during the flu season
56. cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car
57. a cucumber won't consume all your food or liquors
58. a cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library
59. cucumbers won't go through your medicine chest
60. a cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray
61. cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor
62. cucumbers won't leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub



wolf  Thursday Feb 20 02:45 AM

Someone I once knew travelled to Japan on business.

She returned with a number of souveniers, but the one that got the most laughs was "Mr Happy Cucumber." (which was how the box was marked. We didn't just make this name up).

It was a plastic cucumber ... appeared to be like any other of plastic vegetable, unless you knew the trick.

A twist and a pull and you found out that the cucumber was merely a sheath ... for a rather conventional dildo.



Bitman  Monday Feb 24 10:12 PM

If anyone still cares about the original topic ...
Most of the instruments are percussion, and the music sounds like fairly standard electronic "experimental" music .. i.e. lots of random sounds, little melody. They claim to be serious musicians, but with instrument names like "radirimbafrigglegiggle", I can't take them seriously.

I guess that explains the segue.



Bitmap  Tuesday Feb 25 12:44 AM

<i>42. a cucumber won't care what time of the month it is </i>
<br>
<br>
I'm sorry thats just disgusting.<l>
You women should be ashamed of yourselves.



MaggieL  Wednesday Feb 26 12:16 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Bitmap
<i>42. a cucumber won't care what time of the month it is </i>
<br>
<br>
I'm sorry thats just disgusting.<l>
You women should be ashamed of yourselves.
A cucumber won't assume everything is about intercourse, either. :-)

Ther'e's too many men completely prepared to ascribe any behavior they consider to be an emotional display to hormonal weather.


russotto  Wednesday Feb 26 02:55 PM

It's not the most sophisticated algorithm, but it works 95% of the time :-) (and ducking)



MaggieL  Wednesday Feb 26 10:56 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by russotto
It's not the most sophisticated algorithm, but it works 95% of the time :-) (and ducking)
As long as you keep ducking, almost any algorythm will appear to work. :-)


wolf  Thursday Feb 27 01:25 AM

Actually, if he keeps ducking, the shot we were aiming at his genitals will hit center-of-mass ...



jeni  Thursday Feb 27 01:39 AM

Quote:
There's too many men completely prepared to ascribe any behavior they consider to be an emotional display to hormonal weather.
preach on, sista.


jeni  Thursday Feb 27 01:43 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Bitmap
<i>42. a cucumber won't care what time of the month it is </i>
<br>
<br>
I'm sorry thats just disgusting.<l>
You women should be ashamed of yourselves.
also, if i recall correctly, studies have shown that women who masturbate and orgasm during their menstrual cycles have a much lower chance of getting certain cervical and uterine diseases, because they push out more of the blood and uterine lining that would otherwise stay behind and could cause infections.

i'm sorry if that disgusts you, but at least you don't have to live with it every month. i don't personally masturbate or have sex while i'm menstruating, however i don't think that it is disgusting to do so.

you try going without sex for an entire week every month, and being told it's disgusting to please yourself when you have no other release.

at least you guys can do something about it while we're stuck bleeding.

edit: and besides, it's not really disgusting if you don't intend on eating the thing afterwards.


Bitmap  Thursday Feb 27 11:27 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by jeni

you try going without sex for an entire week every month, and being told it's disgusting to please yourself when you have no other release.

at least you guys can do something about it while we're stuck bleeding.

edit: and besides, it's not really disgusting if you don't intend on eating the thing afterwards.

Woman... (*exasperated, and depressed pause*) I've been going with out sex for much longer than a week... <br>
and saying that i have nothing against the fine art of manual pleasure male or female. For some guys it's actualy kind of nessesary unless you want to have to buy new sheets every once in a while.
As for cleaning you out; if it works; I couldn't think a more enjoyable way of doing it. enjoy
Eating it wouldn't be too bad of a thing as long as you washed it and boiled it first.


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