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   monster  Monday Sep 26 07:29 PM

September 26th, 2016: Painful Erection Spider

The Brazilian Wandering Spider is one of the most venomous spiders in the world, although there is an effective antivenom available. But while you're waiting for that antivenom, you might suffer a stubborn and painful erection if you are unlucky enough to be male And one UK family reportedly just found one in their bananas

BBC story



monster  Monday Sep 26 07:30 PM

oops forgot to add year to title, sorry -Mods, cannest thous make it fix-ed? tia



footfootfoot  Monday Sep 26 07:48 PM

Quote:
...a bite from which can cause an "extremely painful" erection...
AKA the Brazilian Wanking spider.


xoxoxoBruce  Monday Sep 26 08:39 PM

Where can I find one?



lumberjim  Monday Sep 26 08:43 PM

Brazil?



monster  Monday Sep 26 08:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lumberjim View Post
Brazil?
that's nuts


Griff  Monday Sep 26 09:23 PM

A lot of nuts?



Clodfobble  Monday Sep 26 10:27 PM

That spider's face looks like a nutsack.



lumberjim  Monday Sep 26 11:37 PM

Of a dog that sat on a hot beach maybe.



footfootfoot  Tuesday Sep 27 08:55 AM

Who knows? Maybe Mr.CF is into rough trade.



Gravdigr  Tuesday Sep 27 02:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clodfobble View Post
That spider's face looks like a nutsack.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lumberjim View Post
Of a dog that sat on a hot beach maybe.
Nah, he's just been eatin' a hotdog...



...WITH KETCHUP ON IT!!!!


xoxoxoBruce  Tuesday Sep 27 04:57 PM

I told my Doctor about this today, He laughed.



Pamela  Tuesday Sep 27 09:26 PM

Don't tell the Chinese...it will crash the bear gall bladder and other Icky Things in their tea markets.



monster  Wednesday Sep 28 09:54 AM

But then it would be a Painful Election
Spider and might help us in November




footfootfoot  Wednesday Sep 28 09:59 AM

See your doctor if painful election lasts more than four years.



lumberjim  Wednesday Sep 28 10:13 PM

So solly about my wacist friends. They wacist long time.



blueboy56  Friday Sep 30 12:32 PM

Wait, wait, wait. Am I missing something here? Why would a guy that is too cheap to buy a prescription for Niagra go all the way to Brazil, insert his bald-headed mouse inside a banana bunch to get bitten, stand on his back legs for four hours to vote in an election then drop dead. All very confusing.



xoxoxoBruce  Friday Sep 30 12:41 PM

Desperate times call for desperate measures.



Gravdigr  Friday Sep 30 02:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by blueboy56 View Post
Wait, wait, wait. Am I missing something here? Why would a guy that is too cheap to buy a prescription for Niagra go all the way to Brazil, insert his bald-headed mouse inside a banana bunch to get bitten, stand on his back legs for four hours to vote in an election then drop dead. All very confusing.



Snakeadelic  Monday Oct 3 09:07 AM

As a lifelong arachnophobe, I gotta say...

WHY have we failed to even attempt to convince the Asiatic folk medicine market that because its face DOES look like a nutsack AND it causes dangerous levels of engorgement in males it MUST be good for libido and virility? Outgoing fruit & vegetable shipments would get checked WAY more closely if each spider was worth $20! They're not endangered...but they could be...



Snakeadelic  Monday Oct 3 09:11 AM

Oh, and racism aside, it turns out not every Asiatic folk medicine is bunk. There's a fungus that grows in grubs found in grass thatch/roots in the Himalayas that actually does act like a HUGE shot of caffeine without the side effects or withdrawal symptoms. Can't remember the word for it offhand, but in the language of the herders who started collecting it because they noticed eating it made their yaks all energetic and playful, its name means 'winter worm, summer grass'. The fungus hides out in the grubs all winter, then pokes a little grass-blade-lookin' spore-bearing structure up among the short grass blades when the pastures green up.



Gravdigr  Monday Oct 3 05:29 PM

Quote:
...causes dangerous levels of engorgement in males...
I knew a girl like that...


BigV  Monday Oct 3 09:28 PM

...right before I passed out.



SPUCK  Tuesday Oct 4 12:09 AM

A crazy spider jumped on my arm while I was eating lunch yesterday. It was about the size of a nickel out to its toesies. I swear it could see me looking at it! Which ever way I turned my arm to see it as soon as I could lay eyes on it it retreated back out of sight. Drove me nuts trying to get it off me onto the worthless tangelo tree on the porch (outside) because of the continued hidy-seek it was doing.



Samantha  Tuesday Oct 4 04:11 AM

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Sundae  Tuesday Oct 4 05:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gravdigr View Post
I knew a girl like that...
Thanks, hon


Snakeadelic  Tuesday Oct 4 08:37 AM

Spuck, you are way braver than I am! The only kind of spider that doesn't turn me into a whirling dervish of Kermit flails is the little zebra-striped jumping spiders. By 'little' I mean the biggest one I've seen was less than 1/2 inch (15 mm for the parts of the world that measure sensibly) and they totally crack me up. They 100% can see motion at a surprising distance. I can slowly wave a hand six or seven inches above one and it will clearly, obviously turn side to side, watching. If I get any closer, they're GONE. They're the only ones that will survive being caught indoors, too--I catch them and put them in the potted plants to keep the gnat populations down. We have these crazy stupid annoying late-summer and early-spring gnats that are small enough to climb through a screen on a window and decide to spend the rest of their lives bashing their heads in on my computer monitor. I don't approve of distractions while I'm computer-ing, and because of the several decades I've spent as a bird watcher training my eyes to be attracted to motion, those gnats are the WORST.



Snakeadelic  Tuesday Oct 4 08:47 AM

As for other spiders we have here at the edge of the Rockies (the Great Plains basin starts like 2 hours east of us and goes all the way to the Mississippi River if my memory serves), it's horrible. Hobo spiders, a ground-runner that likes to nest in the rock beds around here that everyone lets their toddlers play in. Hobo spiders of the sort we get aren't fatally venomous, but they are irritable, aggressive, and do deliver a highly painful bite.

And we have black widows. At the last place I lived, like 15 miles north of where I am now, one day the neighbor kids came to get me all freaked out about this giant spider that had webbed up one of their little sandbox buckets. I went to take a look and holy crap it was the biggest widow I've ever seen! The kids were about to totally flip until I told them I could show them a super-cool anti-spider trick if their mom had any hairspray. They loved it, but the spider did not--the hairspray plates their breathing apparatus, which is a set of tiny pores along the butt end, and that enormous beast of a spider was done for in about 17 seconds.

And NEVER believe anyone who says there are no brown recluses in Montana! All the pest controllers around here seem to think we don't, but every autumn I end up going 2 rounds bare-knuckle with one trying to sneak into my downstairs neighbor's apartment. Management always orders in the repellent sprayers (they use a citrus-based spray rather than poison, and it does work) when I tell them I've seen one. My neighbor is highly vulnerable to fiddleback venom, having nearly died after taking 2 bites in 1 night down in Arizona some years back, so we operate with extreme prejudice on brown recluses!

And then there's the "barn spider". Don't know the proper name, don't wanna. I was asleep on the couch in the old mobile home I used to live in some years back, waking up every time the wood stove started running out of fuel (it was inadequate but also our only source of heat). I woke up one time and the stove was fine...but out from under the edge of the hearth LUMBERED this spider about the size of a freakin' mouse! Headed right toward me, and it took 4 dead-on hits from my sweetie's size 10 hiking boot to kill. Just the memory makes me wanna Kermit flail.



Gravdigr  Tuesday Oct 4 03:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gravdigr View Post
I knew a girl like that...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundae View Post
Thanks, hon



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