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   Undertoad  Monday Nov 17 02:43 PM

11/17/2003: Fijian apology rites

In 1867, British missionary Rev. Thomas Baker set foot on Fiji, intent on teaching the natives a bit of the old-time religion. The natives set upon him and, perhaps confused over that whole "body of Christ" thing, ate him and his whole team.

Sadly, since then the community is wracked with guilt, and they really wonder whether it was a bad idea to eat the guy, and maybe they should have just told him they were not interested and maybe he could try the island next door.

In fact, many believe that their community is still cursed. And so they developed this huge elaborate apology ceremony, in which guys like the above carry traditional war axes and look real fierce but will not eat you under any circumstances.

I mean, you think 7 years of bad luck for breaking a mirror is bad. It's been 136 years and so far even the children's children's children's children are affected.

Well, hopefully the apology will work this time and this little village can get on with its life.

I'll bet they're vegans.

DNK  Monday Nov 17 02:50 PM

Re: 11/17/2003: Fijian apology rites

Originally posted by Undertoad
[I'll bet they're vegans.

Stupid vegans.

Beletseri  Monday Nov 17 02:59 PM

This is only the third apology and it sounds like it might work this time.

Jacque Strapp  Monday Nov 17 03:29 PM

Boy, those British missionary spirits sure are vengeful! 136 years of bad luck for a few cannibalizations seems awfully steep on the retribution scale.

Elspode  Monday Nov 17 03:33 PM

Jehovah is not keen on anyone else carrying out atrocities besides He and His chosen minions.

What I read about this didn't indicate that the islanders were performing the ceremony out of a sense of guilt, but rather that they were hoping to lift the apparent "curse" which has kept progress from coming to their village.

wolf  Monday Nov 17 11:43 PM

Mebbe they should just let Walmart build, and take up a collection and get cable for the community longhouse (or whatever the Fijians have).

Oh, and trying teeshirts and jeans instead of using grass for clothing tends to enhance progress.

You can't get much in the way of innovation going while running around stark naked. You could get something sensitive caught in the gears and cogs of progress.

xoxoxoBruce  Tuesday Nov 18 12:27 AM

I read the axe pictured being used in the ceremony is *the* axe that whacked the Rev.

Stonan  Tuesday Nov 18 11:46 AM

Considering the atrocities carried out 'in the name of Christ' (eg. Spanish Inquisition, Crusades, etc) this was the correct response. These people should consider themselves 'blessed' that progress hasn't 'raped their land and enslaved their people'

russotto  Tuesday Nov 18 01:40 PM

If they still have 'The' axe, they should stop this apologizing crap and sell it on eBay. That will get them enough seed capital to make progress on their own.

Rose  Wednesday Dec 17 03:48 PM

if that is *the* axe, then it sure has held up nicely over time.

quzah  Wednesday Dec 17 07:25 PM

I wonder if you can hire those people. Envision if you will...

A nice little house, with a picket fence, flowers on each side of the walk. The sun is shining. The birds are singing. It's the perfect day for a bike ride. Brother Jon and Brother Mark hop off their bicycles and open the white washed gate. They proceed up the nicely swept walk as it snakes its way through the perfectly kept lawn.

Oddly, Brother Mark notices a small grass hut off to the left about ten paces. Curious, he steps off the walk for a closer look. That's when Brother Jon spies the sign.

It's not like the ordinary signs they're used to; "Beware of dog", "Keep off grass", "No Soliciting", that sort of thing. This one hints of something sinister, which causes Brother Jon to pause.

"Do not thump your bible on my door. You will be killed and eaten."


wolf  Thursday Dec 18 02:39 AM

Originally posted by quzah
"Do not thump your bible on my door. You will be killed and eaten."
I may actually have to get one of those made for my door.

JeepNGeorge  Thursday Dec 18 03:45 AM

Originally posted by quzah

"Do not thump your bible on my door. You will be killed and eaten."

I sense a money making deal! What if I can get our machine shop to turn out some nice metal signs with that phrase on it. How much of the cut will you want?

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