What is black, pink, black, pink, black, pink, black, pink, black, pink, black, pink, white?





A black guy masturbating.

Save a tree : eat a beaver!

Done.

June Cleaver: Ward, I think you were a little hard on the beaver last night.

Dirtiest thing ever said on TV.

Remember the show 'Third Rock From The Sun'? They were always throwing little lines like that in the dialog. The main character was 'Dick'. It was usually something like "Here, taste this, Dick.", or, "Hold this, Dick.", or "Look at this, Dick."

"Family Guy" does the same thing with Peter. Just the other night I heard Lois say "Look at the size of this, Peter."

I loved Third Rock!

My favourite Third Rock episode was the special one they did with the dream sequences. Harry's dream in particular was awesome.

That's one show that isn't nearly syndicated enough. Imma look up the episode guides tomorrow, because I'm sure I will recognize that ep when I see it. I love John Lithgow and the whole cast was perfect!

Alas Harry's dream sequence on youtube isn't available in my location :(

The others are. Here's Dick's dream:




harry's was just fucking brilliant though. Done like a musical. And by the look of it a huge sequence was done in a single take like stage show. Awesome. And the best song.


As I recall they hadn't dreamt before then. It was a terrifying experience for them :p

Oh! Found a really crappy recording of it. Someone's filmed their telly :p


Harry's was the only one that ws a totally happy dream lol





I think it was some kind of anniversary special or something. I remember I had the vhs with that episode on. Watched the dream sequences lots :p [eta] it was the closing two-parter of the second season according to the eps list)

Y'know... I might just rewatch 3rd Rock.

That's awesome! thanks!

Yeah, that would be a fun show to rewatch from the beginning.

What's black and white and red all over?
A raped nun.
What's black and white an goes boing, boing, boing?
The priest who did it jumping from bed to bed.

better?

Remember when Harry was working at the video store, he saw (for the first time) it was snowing outside, screamed bloody murder and yelled

We could do a whole thread on 3rd Rock quotes...I just looked some up:

[Dick is whining about is job]
Harry Solomon: You know, Dick, when life gives you lemons, just shut up and eat the damn lemons.

This one is AWESOME (if you remember that remake):

Big Giant Head: It was a horrible flight! There was a man on the wing of the plane!
Dick Solomon: The same thing happened to me!

[Harry is looking for a job offer in the newspaper]
Harry Solomon: Here's a job that I can do. "Police are seeking third gunman." Tomorrow, I'm gonna march over to the police station and show them that I'm the man they're looking for.

Good to have it there for people who can watch it, but it's blocked for me :P

About miniskirts :

A mini skirt is like a good speech: short enogh to keep you interested, but long enough to cover the essential.

A miniskirt is like low tide: it uncovers the clam.

I'll not post it, but you can watch it here.

It's about equal parts funny and sad.

I'm not really proud to say it, but, I laughed my ass off for a minute.

I followed the link. Watched the vid. I still don't know what it is I just watched.

Wow. That shouldn't set things back more than fifty or a hundred years.

It did look very like a cake walk, didn't it?

Your brain cells dying.

Did you really watch the whole thing? :greenface

What do you call an African American man, with 2 PHDs, living in San Francisco, sitting on the board of 3 fortune 500 companies?




A ni@@er

I did.

S'nigga.
Man is a sassanach anyway. For all his primal display tactics he is still wearing something under his kilt.

You've really gotta hand it to short people...

...cause they often can't reach it.

I wondered where I should put this. In case you didn't notice, I put it here.

Not my work, I just copied and pasted.
************************************************

Never Shave Your Ass

It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my ass cheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt hair dwelling.

Eventually I would have to do two things:

Either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements."How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel.

Slowly, my twin cheeks and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless mounds of a newborn babe. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two ass cheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class.Eventually, thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit-molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch.

God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: It will be like this until the hair grows back.

Weeks Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair: Ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my ass cheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out he window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends- Don't shave your ass-hair!

smart dog... but gross. probably does that because he's too fat to lick his own a hole.

Ain't that why you do it? It's why I do it.

Well, that...and it's fun.

I'm embarrassed to say this did strike me funny...

It's in black and white. Very clever!

I actually saw one of them today during a track race. UGLY ass thing.

once you go black.....















....you're a single parent.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?


The ventillator

What's harder then nailing a dead baby to a tree?

My dick while doing it.

(Is there an award for the worst tasteless joke?/)

You have won the thread. Let's have a moderator lock it.

I think I can top it.

I think I'd rather you didn't. ;)

So, I heard bananas are good for a healthy colon.











...yeah... apparently you're supposed to EAT 'em.

:rolleyes:

:lol2:

That musta been one firm bunch o' bananas.

Bananas.
For all the good they'll do you, you might as well shove them up your arse.

What's easier to unload, a truck full of babies or a truck full of B-Bs?






A truck full of babies - you can use a pitchfork.

:lol2: @ cops at the car crash.

oh noooo
nooo nooo oh my god
and its a vw and everything
omgggggg
that should not be so goddamn... funny. agh.

uber-funny!

What's the difference between the VW in that ad and a dead hooker?

That VW isn't chopped up and buried in my yard.

Actually went out over the airwaves...

Attachment 44720

:headshake

And the FAA spokesperson was Wi So Sol Lee.

ATTN: Moderators/Undertoad

A heads up in case we might want to, oh, I don't know, not get sued.

ETA: Might want to take down that pic I posted. Or not. Either way.

Anyone can sue over anything, it's true. But I think it'd be a hard sell to any judge for Asiana to whine that, once the piece had been broadcast and was out there, people actually looked at it and reposted it. The TV station got pranked (and I bet those responsible didn't actually expect it to go that far). I doubt the suit against the station will succeed.

Funnier in video.

she says the NTSB HAS confirmed the names....

I saw a press release from the NTSB apologising for this and claiming it was the summer intern who went well beyond his authority.

Besides, that picture is on hundreds of websites.

I laughed so hard when I heard that the other drivers were looking at me funny.

"You've been Planked!" "Plunked?"