A Saudi couple, Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding meet with their Mullah for counselling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

Ahmed asks, "We realize it's tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together."

"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately."

"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"

"No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam."

Well, okay," says Ahmed, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"

"Of course!," replies the Mullah, "Allah Akbar! (GOD is great)

Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!"

"What about different positions?" asks the man.

"Allah Akbar! Mafi Mushkila (no problem)," says the Mullah.

"Woman on top?" Ahmed asks.

"Sure," says the Mullah. "Allah Akbar. Go for it!"

"Doggy style?"

"Sure! Allah Akbar!"

"On the kitchen table?"

"Yes, yes! Allah Akbar!"

"Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil and a porno video?"

"You may indeed. Allah Akbar!"

"Can we do it standing up?"

"No, absolutely not!" says the Mullah."

"Buy why not?" asks the man.

"Because that could lead to dancing."

More proof that jokes get recycled.

I heard this version 35 years ago:

Why are Baptists against pre-marital sex?



It leads to dancing.

A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."

Jews don't recognize jesus as the messiah.
Protestants don't recognize the pope as emmissary of god.
Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

Hey LJ, thanks for the ONLY laff I've gotten from this lame thread. Course, I could qualify for an assist since after laughing out loud and re-reading the joke, I noticed that the doctor actually pulled the pen out of his shiRt. Oh well, still funny!

This American businessman decides to go to Japan to see about buying some goods. As he arrives too late to meet the Japanese people that he would be dealing with, he arranges to meet one of them for a round of golf the next day, then hits the bar.

He is well-buzzed when this gorgeous Japanese woman sits down, and sure enough, the two hit off and after several more drinks, they head up to his room.

Soon enough the two of them are screwing like crazy, with the booze they both drank fuelling the fire. After several minutes of them fucking like crazy, he tells her to turn over and goes at her equally passionately doggie-style. Suddenly she starts jumping all over and yelling "mookee wannee, mookee wannneeee". He thinks to himself, "boy, am I giving her the drilling of a lifetime!!!". They finish and she soon pulls on her clothes and leaves.

The next morning he meets his Japanese partner and head for the golf course. After doing so-so for the first three holes, he sinks a long 40-foot putt. Waving his putter, he remembers the woman from the night before and yells "mookee wannee! Mookee Wannie!!"

The Japanese guy looks at him quizzically and says, "what do you mean, 'wrong hole'??"

Q: What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?

A: An erection.




i'm so so sorry.

I know this is an old post...but I came across it and just had to add to it lol

What do you do when you catch your wife watching TV?
Shorten the chain in the kitchen!

What do you call a bunch of black people in a field?
Antique farm equipment

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Little Boy Blue
Little boy blue who?
Little boy blue michael jackson!

Guy is going down on a hooker... really having great time and suddenly he stops, pops-up looking confused and takes a kernel of corn out of his mouth.

He goes back to it with gusto, good for him, getting his money's worth... he kinda' swirls around a bit hesitantly though for a second and pop-back-up again and looks at her while she turns the page and pulls out a hair and then a piece of carrot. He looks at it inquisitively but is not deterred. He is havin' a good time tonight goddamn-it, he earned it and what-the-hell... back at it...

Ok.. this is the last damn straw, as he spits out the pea... "lady are you sick or sum-in?'

Turning the page...."No, but the guy before you was".


How does a redneck mom know that her daughter has begun menstruating?

Her son's dick tastes different.

Q: What do you call two lesbians on their period?
A: Fingerpainting


Q: How do you get a gay guy, to fuck a chick?
A: Shit in her cunt.

If a man sucks one cock and then builds one hundred bridges what is he?

A cock sucker.

What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus?


I'm not sure, but that fucker sure can pick lettuce!

I was surprised when JFK, Jr.'s plane went down.
I thought the Kennedys drown their whores one at a time...

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2.
The problem is getting them in the bulb.

The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room.
"I could let you sleep with my daughter," the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her."
The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side.
The next morning he asked for his bill.
"It'll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed," the farmer said.
"Your daughter was very cold," the salesman said.
"Yes, I know," said the farmer. "We're going to bury her today."