You would not notice those qualities in me, if you did not possess them yourself, to some small degree.:lol2:

Please face me when we’re speaking. You’re so shallow, you disappear when you stand in profile.

Your parents must have been shocked when you showed up. They were told that conception by anal sex was impossible.

Don’t feel too terribly bad. I think your low self-image is FULLY justified.

You must be the Second Coming. Only God could have been tough enough to fuck your Mama.

You wrinkled old bastard. Your face looks like Estelle Getty’s butt. (Bernard to Don Imus).

Ripley’s doesn’t believe you.

Your mother’s milk is donkey piss. (The Haj, Leon Uris)

You were a wasted fuck. Your old man should have rolled over and shot you on the wall.

Just how long ago DID you flatline?

I'm terribly sorry you’re so heartbroken, but you must understand that even the National Enquirer has standards.

You’re the reason most brothers and sisters don’t have sex.

You’re the only person I know that goes to a dentist for a pedicure.

I love that one.

Thou rank dismal-dreaming coxcomb!

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S Cobb

Can you give me your parent's phone number? I want to scream "Do Over!" at them.

I've seen better heads on lettuce.

Say, do you comb your hair with bacon grease?

You should have been a blowjob.

If your penis is so small you must belittle others to prove your self-worth then I feel great relief knowing you will never reproduce.

Usually it takes the recipient a lengthy amount of time to comprehend what has been said... priceless.

Now what might we do with one-word coinings and resurrections of some moldy oldies?

Nithing is one of the deepest-insulting one-worders I know.

Stumblefuck has more of a military flavor.

I've only read two pages of this thread, so apologies if these have already been quoted:

"I would [despise you], if I gave you any thought." -- Rick, Casablanca

"In the 19th century, a British politician by the name of Benjamin Disraeli was being verbally attacked by a fellow statesman who said, 'You will either die of the gallows or of the plague.' His response was, 'Sir, that depends on whether I embrace your morals or your mistress.'" -- quoted in a Laffer speech

If your mother were Anna-Nicole Smith and your father George W. Bush, you'd probably be less fucked up.

For women,

If a man yells across the steet, "Hey baby, come sit on my face"

Response, "Why, is your nose bigger than your dick?"

:p ;) :D :D

Good one !!!!

I know. ;) And very effective too. :)

You really don't need to fill out that DNR form. They'll take one look at you and INSTANTLY know to pull the plug.