I posted my current issues in other threads, but the precis is that I rowed with HM (my fault - although as monster says good friends don't ascribe blame) and ran to my parents. Good people told me to call him, and I got the balls (note, didn't say grew the balls) tonight.

He was fine. More than fine he was decent. He understands far more than I give him credit for. He is not an "easy touch" - if he was I wouldn't be so worried about my behaviour. But he is a good friend, which makes it worth me worrying about. I promised we'd sit down and have a chat - my offer not his suggestion - and I am going to go back to poor long-suffering Dr B and ask for a review of medication. I describe Dr B as long-suffering because he didn't choose to know me - poor old HM choose this path ;)

So I can go back to my babbas (who I miss enormously) and to my home - yes it is a home and I missed it too. And back to my friend who makes it home and keeps me sane (ish). A terrible burden for a man not even getting my class A blowjobs, and if I really believed in karma I'd be really quite depressed right now. Oh...

Still, if I take karma on board HM must have been a real shit in a previous life to get saddled with me in this one.

Line dancing on Tuesday.

QUESTION ~ Why the fuck would HM, with a successful career and nice home, take you in, spend money and time, trying to straighten out your life?

ANSWER;
A~ He's getting great sex.

B~ He is truly a friend and concerned about you.

We all know the answer is B.

He is not a professional counselor, just a good friend trying his best to help in the best way he can. If you disagree with his assessments, of the cause and effect of your problems, please keep in mind he's doing the best he can.

Considering what he's doing for you, at least trying to do, cut him some slack if he seems to come on too strong. It's because he doesn't want you back sliding or avoiding what, you yourself know, you must do.

Tough love isn't called that for nothing.

Good points Bruce.

I'd like to expand on one of them:I'd just like to emphasise for Sundae, the fact that her friendship with HM is not one way. HM gives a lot to her, in terms of roof over her head, emotional support at a very difficult time, understanding when she is unable to cope effectively. But...he will also get something from her: her sparkling wit and conversation, a bunch of shared experiences and references across the years, a level of emotional trust that comes from solid friendship.

I say this, because Sundae has a tendency to paint herself in the worst possible light and I believe sees the friendship as an imbalanced one, whereby he is the one giving and she the one taking. It's never that simple. If he diodn't gain something from the friendship, then it would not have been a constant across the years and Sundae would not now be living in his house...unless he's the kind of guy who just invites anybody to live in his home, he is investing in a friendship that he values.

Hang in there SG
I agree with the 63 p. Maybe there's some kind of Karma or something, and right now you could use a bit of good luck. And even if there isn't karma, such a small expense is worth it f it makes you feel significantly better - there is someone worse off than me, I can help people, I am not always receiving help... etc
You've got the ball rolling. Be sure to keep it rolling.

Hear Hear.

Thanks Dana & Monster, I do sometimes need reminding I'm not quite the sad case I make myself out to be. Next week I'm putting Positive Things About SG all round my room, to help start changing my almost solely negative opinion of myself.

Bruce, you are right of course, and I do genuinely know I was in the wrong. I just find it very hard to control my emotions at the moment, and once they start spiralling my logic goes out of the window. Just being here (London) is helping, because I have to interact with HM and is is knocking the corners off me. Apart from that I am in counselling, where the level headed Maria makes me question my claims, and I am on the list for CBT (which Maria as a psychiatric nurse believes is the best step I can take).

Cooking lentil bhuna for HM tonight (I already had all the ingredients so I'm not spending any money) - going to decorate the table with the rose fairy lights from my room and tealights from the kitchen cupboard in little holders. With brown rice & garlic and coriander naan (that is shop bought, but in the freezer). We shall both stink tomorrow in yoga. It's an apology meal so am pulling out all the stops - at least the free ones anyway.

No sign of my replies from my creditors - the post strike has given me some breathing space. Maria said I have to prepare myself for when they arrive, so I don't use the emotional response as an excuse to have a drink. Damn, that's that plan out the window ;)

Keep on keepin' on, SG!

You'll be OK. I agree with Dana's assessment of you, but we all knew that... 'cept maybe you.
I too was trying to bring some balance to the picture.

The 63p isn't much, but I seem to remember you were giving something like 20 pounds each payday, to charity, while you were digging yourself into a financial mess. Charity begins at home.

SG, it's been awesome to read that you're so happy and getting sorted with work etc in all the other threads. But -because I care about you- I have been unable to ignore the niggle in the back of my mind that, financially, you are trying to run before you can walk.

It's great to dream and plan, and -despite what some may think- I really hate to be the bitch who does this, but please, please, please make a budget and don't end up back where you were at the start of this thread.

Don't "Forget" to deal with this, even though it's not fun spending.....

This is not going to be cheap

That's 2.25 per meal ($4.50)! OK, it's not eating-out prices, but if you can't freeze them and you're buying 4 at a time, that's a reasonable chunk of money for someone with travelplans and debts to pay....

Have you actually had a paycheck yet? Is there any left? ;) Of course you deserve treats, and mostly I'm just being selfish because I want you to save up enough to get here next year so I can join you at a dwellar get together (if you're still speaking to me), but take it slowly. If you absolutely must, blow your first paycheck. But get a sound budget in place before the second one....

Excellent plan ....but another thing on this (becoming) huge list of things to do with the first paycheck.

if you can wait until your visit to the US, you'll be able to get it at half the price.

Good luck with it all, but please be careful. We love you and we don't want you to disappear from the cellar again, now you're back!

well, Cherry, i've got $100 here for you to help you continue on to your next stop. And we'll feed you and all that too.

...But monster's got a point too. We'll all(well....the cool ones, anyway) be here if it takes an extra year to get it together.

You're right, and I do need timely reminders - I am bad with money, and it's important for me to remember that.

But I honestly, genuinely, hand on heart think I'm okay.
I am on top of the debt. I have another appointment with the debt counsellors now that I'm earning again.

I have a year and a half to save to go to America. It won't be cheap, no. But it's great to have long term goals after all. And although I accept what you're saying re the laptop, I really don't want to wait until next year to buy one. I've never really had full internet access at home, and it's always been one of my dreams. Knowing I am coming home to the Cellar and to my friends via hotmail, and being able to write when and where I want to will be such a huge thing in my life. It will be far healthier than take-aways or alcohol or going out & buying something new to cheer myself up...

Re the Super Naturals - I did say I was buying far too many (meaning buying them too often). In fact I am on my way to the supermarket today and there will not be any ready meals in my basket. Back to fruit and making my own pulse based meals. It was really just a couple of weeks of food spree to make up for being so short of money for so long.

Re money - I did have an advance on my first paycheck (agreed when I was only temping), but I've been getting by on pub wages really. Half my advance went to HM to cover the half month rent that I wasn't eligible for benefits. I have £35 left in my purse. But I get another £20 tonight and I am due the last of my unemployment benefit within the next week (£118). Then I get my wages within the same timeframe, which even with the deduction come to over £800. So I'm pretty much set up for next month, bearing in mind I have no travel costs and can eat lunch at home every day.

My trip to the cinema was a treat (although please note, no nachos, no popcorn) but I would have gone anyway because one of the League was in it. After all I went to the Old Vic to see Mark Gatiss and that was almost double the price. Again, the benefit of getting a weekly wage is that things like this are covered.

I had to change my gym membership - or quit the gym. There was no point staying on a concessionary membership as it would be money for nothing - I could only go on Sundays and even that would be a rush. The rest of the time clashed completely with work times. Anyway, they require proof every 6 months so I'd have been found out at some point. I went and changed my membership today - it cost me just over £20. I can now go to the gym every night next week should I choose to, or Sunday mornings. Of all the things I'm doing/ have done I believe this is the easiest to defend. But if I admit to not going for longer than a week you are fully encouraged to smack me with it - this only works if I use it.

I am taking what you've posted totally in the spirit it was meant, and I do appreciate it. It's advice and what's more it's good advice. Thank you.

Thanks :)
You're right too of course. If it means waiting til 2010 to do it properly I will consider it. Sigh. But hey, I've waited this long, right?

I'm glad you don't hate me, I didn't mean to force you to write an essay about it all. 800 quid, eh? Can you sub me 'til next month? :lol:

I am truly happy to see you back and posting this often, I'm sure you have no idea just how much you brighten this place up :D

Now don't wear yourself into the ground with all those jobs :p

Oh, and there's always a bed for you here too, although it might be a bit out of your way...

It was good for me.
Actually I cut it down! I was about to tell you all the things I didn't buy from eBay and Matalan (cheap clothes shop, probably after your time).

Oh and the lipliner, and the Litter Quitter to teach the boys how to use the toilet, and the really cute kitty bed and the DVDs.... etc etc etc :blush:

I'll pencil you in on the schedule anyway
Whatever I save I expect to be time rich and cash poor, so if it means getting on a bus in order to see the States slide by the window and get a free night with a Dwellar it might be an option :luv:

When you get to LJ's call me. I'll drive up to meet you and we can get a cheesesteak!

Yay! Bring Shawnee too :)