Q: What's a nigger in the Mississipi ?
A: Pollution.




Q: What are all the niggers in the Mississipi ?
A: Solution



Did you say tasteless ? Yeah !

Q: What's the difference between a normal dog and a French dog ?




A: A normal dog has its asshole under the tail, the French dog has its asshole at the end of the leash.

George Bush, the Pope, Michael Jackson and three kids are on a plane.

The plane is crashing and their only three parachutes.

The Pope says "Save The Children!"

George Bush says "F*** The Children!"

And MIchael Jackson goes "Is There Time?"

Q: What animal has 4 legs and 1 arm ?







A: A pitbull in kindergarden.

Clean "Tomatoes" Joke

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

Mrs Mia Wallace

Yeah...I was going to post pulp fiction. lol

The whole world could be happy

Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans.

Bill: "Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy."

Hillary: "Well, why don't you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy."

Al: "Why don't you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy."

Tipper: "Why don't we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout the United States and world happy."

The guide to wife translations

The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want

The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want

The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious

The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later

The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain

The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don't want you to

The wife says: I'n not upset
The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron

The wife says: You're ... so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.

The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.

The wife says: Hang the picture there
The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!

The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.

The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.

The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.

The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.

The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.

The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.

The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]

The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No

The wife says: No
The wife means: No

The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No

The wife says: I'm sorry
The wife means: You'll be sorry

The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it

The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.

The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him

The wife says: I'm not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.

The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.

The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.

The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.
The wife means: I'm still building up steam.

Q: How can you make a dog sound like a cat?




A: Put the dog 24 hours in the freezer. Fire up a circular saw and ....

Mmmmmeeeeeoooooooow....

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

Soak it in gasoline, light a match and ...


Wooooooooooooof

Q: What's the difference between jam and jelly?








A: You can not "jelly" your girlfriend's ass!

:lol: you bad boys.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence....
















.....a life sentence.

Marriage quotes

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

A man walks into a sex shop and tells the woman behind the counter he's looking for a blow up doll.

The woman asks "Would you like a christian or muslim doll?"

Confused the man says "What's the difference?"

"Well," replies the woman, "the muslim one blows herself up!"

Mommy, Mommy, what happened to all your scabs?

Shut up, and eat your corn flakes.

Who were the world's fastest readers?






The World Trade Center employees.

Reason: They can go through dozens of stories in less than 10 seconds.

On one fine night, Charlie Chaplin went to fancy dress competition............He won seventh prize!!!:lol2:

Daddy, I need to poo.

NO

Daddy, I need to poo.

NO

Daddy, I need to poo.

OK, I'll take my dick out.

Well, it did say tasteless jokes.

That's why I posted it here.

And although it's tasteless, I dare say it leaves a shitty taste in the mouth.

:lol2:

I think you won the thread! :eek:

I'm happy to have brought you a bit of fun.

I'm usually a winner when it comes to tasteless jokes ;) even at my own expense

Daddy,Daddy,why is Mummy running right and left through the garden?


Shut the fuck up and give me another magazine!

A Chew Toy For The First Dog
Among those who will receive gifts from the Obamas this Christmas is Bo, the First Dog. The Obamas will give Bo a chew toy. Coincidentally, this is also the same present they will give Joe Biden.

Whats the difference between pink and purple? Your grip.

A young boy comes to his father:

"Daddy, I've just made love!"

"Oh! Really?! And when will you do it again?"

"Well, I don't really know, my asshole is very sore..."

Q: What do you do after shaking the hand of a leper?





A: You give it back

Gary Coleman's personalized coffin
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I laughed.

Then I felt bad.

Is this supposed to make us jump to the Suspended Animation thread ?


:3eye:

Q: What do you call an anorexic girl with an std?




A: A quarter pounder with cheese

Redneck Paw and Redneck Son sharing a bath
Redneck Son says " Paw this wanking is great fun"
"Yup" says Redneck Paw "And when you're older you get to use your own cock"

Q: How do you know if your girlfriend's too young for you?




A: You have to make aeroplane noises to get your dick in her mouth.

There's a visual for ya...

What's the difference between Obama and his aunt?

No seriously what's the difference.

Two Gynaecology Students were sitting in the canteen after morning classes having a coffee when one turned to the other and said" well you know it's funny we get to examine women of ages in their 20's to 40's amd from 50's to 60's but never any older say in their 70's and 80' an maybe even older,why is that"?
The other student looked at him in complete disbelief "My God man are you completely sick, fuck have you ever tried to open a cheese toastie"?


:eek:

ahahhahah

very funny and cool, thanks for post, any more?

Q: Why does every space agency send women in space?




A: They weigh less than a dishwasher.

lol

Is that from Jimmy Carr?

I don't know...

I got it in french and did the translation...

hahahaha I know this funny is the most for me! Thank for the post of yours!

snorting out loud, at work.

The top ten signs that someone is using your e-mail account

10. "Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?"

9. One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you.

8. Apparently, your flame war with DonCorleone@mafia.com is about to turn ugly.

7. When you log on, your computer says "You've got lawsuits!"

6. You're suddenly getting more Spam than the Hormel outlet store.

5. Sotheby's says the Rembrandt is yours and that you now owe them $71,000,000 and change.

4. You now have 130,000 ClubTop5 subscriptions and the list moderator is on the cover of Business Week.

3. Terse "Knock it off, Oedipus" e-mail from your Mom.

2. Your wife calls you at the office to report that Pogdi, your Pakistani mail-order bride, has arrived.

1. "The resistance welcomes your involvement. Your contact information has been forwarded to a local insurgent who will bring supplies and reinforcements to you immediately."

If it is true that you are what you eat then I am....





.... a pussy.

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a room?





A: One... If you throw it hard enough

Pick the odd one out: a woman, a washing machine, a toaster and the garden hose?






The toaster, the rest leak when they're fucked.

how did canada get its name?
You take a C eh, and an N eh, and you take a D eh

view from a black man in a well

Q: Why does the bride always wear white?




A: Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice

Q: Why do men have assholes?

A: So they won't be total pricks.

Q: What does Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common?














A: They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

... did.

That was awful - but it made me laugh!

I told my daughter, she's in the shower now and I can still hear her giggling.

How are Michael Phelps and Hitler different?


Phelps can finish a race.

There was a news report that
the flood in Pakistan was the act of a
Suicide Plumber