Blind date from hell?
 

In the beginning...(isn't that how it always begins?)

Once upon a time there was a girl whose mother thought it was time to take it into her own hands and "get" her daughter a date. :eek: The daughter feels that although she gets enough action, and her heart is still with someone else. The mother would never know that, because the daughter doesn't fill the mother in on this sort of thing. So the daughter unwillingly decides it is ok for her mother to give this guy her phone number. For one thing, it will get her mother off her back, and for another, one just never knows. It could be a good thing?

It is logical for one to expect that her mother would know her well enough to not hook her up with someone she wouldn't like. :rolleyes: At least the daughter thought so.

We'll call the guy Ninja, and the daughter the "unwitting woman", UW for short.



And so it begins...

One evening Ninja gives the UW a call. She doesn't answer; she's not exactly into the idea in the first place. He calls her back 45 minutes later, again, same thing. He tries again 2 days later; she actually picks up this time. They talk off and on for the next week. Ninja asks UW if she is interested in going to dinner, after she talks to him a couple more times she decides, why the hell not, right? I mean, ya never know unless you give it a shot.



Ninja calls UW the next night, and although UW doesn't answer, he leaves a message just to say "goodnight". :weird: ? Sort of. Nice? Maybe. Too early for that kind of call? Definitely. At least in the mind of UW.



UW doesn't return that phone call, and they don't talk for a couple of days. Ninja calls UW the day of their date and asks UW, "if she is still willing to go on the date"? Evidently UW was still in the positive realm of this type of hook up, even though it was a blind date and they had only talked a few times, and agreed to the date later that evening.



Ninja picks UW up at her place. She picks up her coat to put it on, he takes the coat from her. UW questions, "oh, you're going to help me put it on"? Ninja responds, "yes, i'm going to take care of you". :eyebrow: Ninja then proceeds to help UW put on her coat. He is nice and pulls her hair out of the back of her coat for her, but then takes it one step further, and continues to touch her hair as if he is petting it. :crazy:



Ninja and UW proceed on their "date". As they are driving Ninja starts rubbing his hands together, blowing on them to warm them up and talking about how cold it is outside. UW shrugs, "it's not that bad. I'm usually pretty warm". Ninja responds by saying "oh, that's a good thing, you can warm me up." He takes UW's hand and interlocks his fingers with hers. UW wasn't comfortable with that, and was even less comfortable when Ninja turns to her and asks "do you like that? does that feel good?" :3_eyes: UW not very comfortable at this point removes her hand from his. UW makes some snide comment about not being use to holding hands to which Ninja responds "we'll get you use to it".



UW decides to let those first little things go and try and have a good time during dinner. They enter the restaurant Ninja talks a lot, about things of little interest to UW. At some point during the conversation UW notices that she sort of stopped paying attention to the words that he was saying and looked at him to try and catch up. When UW looked at Ninja she noticed that he was staring at her, with an awkward smile upon his face. :mg: UW literally lifted an :eyebrow: at Ninja, to which he responded with a :D . UW caught this look from him not once or twice, but multiple times. Along with that look, as UW made eye contact with him throughout the night, he looked at her, longingly, like a man would look at his wife. :(



After dinner they take a drive through a park looking at Christmas lights. Not much was said, other than Ninja occasionally remarking about the beauty of the Christmas lights, and another incident of hand holding weirdness. This time, Ninja grabbed UW's hand, and shortly after laid his other hand on top of her hand and started stroking her hand. Tracing his fingers along hers, rubbing the top of her hand, and commenting about the rings on her fingers as well as how soft and gentle her hands feel. :help:



Afer a 15 minute search of another place to view Christmas lights UW decides that 3 hours of feeling uncomfortable was enough and claimed that she was getting tired, and :sick: (literally) and that she needed to go home. Ninja dropped her off, walked her to the door and asked "if he could come in, and start a fire or something"? UW replied, "no, I don't invite people in on a first date". Ninja hugged UW, very tightly, for a very long and uncomfortable time. UW very gently let go and tried to step back. He proceeded to pull her back, tightly into her. :headshake: The hug broke; UW very quickly entered her place of residence, sighed a huge sigh of relief and called a friend to talk.

While UW was talking to her friend Ninja called. UW clicked over and found out that he had left something in her car. She went out to her opened it for him so that he could retrieve whatever it was that he had left behind. Ninja walked UW to her door again, and did a repeat of the afore mentioned goodbye hug, only this time he was more friendly with his hands, while making some sort of strange moaning noises at the same time. :vomitblu: UW thought he may have smelled her hair or something equally as weird. :worried: She pulled away from this hug as he removed his glasses because they were all fogged up. UW quickly entered her apartment and locked the door.

This is the end of that story. What I’m wondering is, was the guy creepy or is UW a cold heartless bitch?

Jeez... Well I would say he is very creepy. He might just be an overly friendly person, or he might be moving too fast for UW. Regardless she needs to speak up to him that she is very uncomfortable with his physicial closeness and he needs to back off. I would also say that if he doesn't back off at this point then it might be time to tell him that the two just don't click.

What is some background on this guy? Has he been married before? Is he older and possibly ready to settle down and UW isn't?

Or he might just be a hair fetishist.

I doubt it, since he was all feeling up her hands too.

Weirdo - way too much, way too soon. I missed something, though. When was Ninja in UW's car to leave something. I thought Ninja picked her up?

Very possibly Iggy, on all those things. He had been married before, at least from what my mom told me. He's 36 and may possibly be ready to settle down. Maybe if the creep factor wasn't so high he could achieve that goal again. Or maybe he needs to find a diffrent UW?
She did speak up by the way. UW told Ninja that she wasn't interested. After his 3 calls the next day, to which she didn't answer, there have been no other phone calls. :D

LOL SD, maybe so? I think his closet is chaulk full of freaky/creepy fetishes. That'd be cool, if UW was actually into him, and he didn't make her feel like she wanted to burn her skin off.

I guess Ninja didn't exactly "pick" her up bbro, sorry for the confusion. He drove to UW's place, although she decided to drive from there. I dunno, maybe I felt like I would have more control over the situation if I drove, or maybe I just didn't wanna ride in his work truck? Either way...UW drove, Ninja was in my car.

:lol2: Nice phase there.

Sounds like things are figured out then. Maybe he got the picture finally. At least you can tell your mom that you tried and it didn't work out. Maybe she won't try to set you up again. :fingerx:

Yikes. Does the name Norman Bates mean anything to you? Creepy extraordinaire!

Hmmm...I dunno if he seems that weird. Maybe a bit overzealous, but the way I read it, he started off being a bit flirtatious and when he got no response, just arced it up a notch.

I dunno if it's different over there, but holding hands on the first date is reasonably common here, if not almost taken for granted, even if it is a blind date.

On the other hand, I've been on dates with guys that just didn't do it for me, and so I've found their advances kinda creepy, while if a guy I was really into did the same thing, I'd be ok with it.

I think if you don't like the guy it makes a big difference in how you percieve their behaviour.

Sounds creepy. Very creepy. Like Ted Bundy creepy. And how could he see Christmas lights if he was your blind date?

lol blind date

THAT'S why she had to drive!:p

A guy who I've just met being all misty-eyed, longing, touchy-feely...uh uh. I would be very frightened, but I've seen that character trait in some stalker-types. :eyebrow:

I think KV should have a serious chat with her mother if he really was that creepy.

Right there is where the alarm bells became ear splitting.

That sounds like "forced bonding" you don't really have any say in the decision to be "we".

There is a very interesting book which I read several years ago called "The gift of fear" by Gavin DeBecker. Here's a link to an excerpt of his book.

I'd stay away from that guy and anyone else your mom sets you up with.

http://www.enotalone.com/article/4555.html

foot3 nailed it! Thats where I knew things were going very, very wrong.
Hope he stays away and find your own guy in your own way.

Excellent book footfootfoot. I often recommend it to posters at the abuse board I moderate.

One thing everyone really needs to do is to listen to their gut. Don't minimize the feelings you have about a situation. Honor them and make decisions accordingly because that is your intuition and instincts talking to you. Our emotional baggage and family of origin teachings often cause us to ignore or discount the red flags that our gut is trying to warn us about. Most abusers/dysfunctional individuals ignore our boundaries which indicates a lack of respect for us.

If the guy makes you uncomfortable then he is wrong for you. Period.

Red flags I see:

Calling to say goodnight - too fast, rushing into intimacy.
Comment about taking care of you - you're an invalid? incapable of taking care of yourself? Patronizing remark.
Forced holding hands - lack of respect for your wishes, telling you what you'll get used to (controlling)
Staring - impolite, caused uncomfortable feeling, intimidation
Another hand holding incident - ignored prior statement, intent on his own desires, lack of respect for yours
Hug after disengage - refusal to honor wishes, once again intent on getting his own needs met, disregard for your signals
Yet another hug with wandering hands - there is simply no excuse...he's crossing boundaries right and left, showing absolutely no regard for you as a person, ignoring good taste, not to mention basically assaulting you by not honoring your space.

Don't doubt your instincts or invalidate your feelings by wondering if you're a cold, heartless bitch. He's got issues that are showing up on the first date, don't stick around to find out how bad they will get if he starts feeling 'involved' with you.

Stormie

Yeah. I did tell my mom that. I called her afterward and was like “what in the crap is wrong with you?!? Why would you do that to me? Why would you set me up with some creepy guy? Why? Especially after what happened to me when I was a kid. Why would do that to me? Don’t you know that weird guys like that REALLY creep me out? You don’t understand how that could happen?" After I calmed down she said she was sorry. She had no idea he was like that, she just thought he was a really nice guy. My mom is very naïve. If I didn’t know that before, I definitely know that now…and I don’t think she would ever try and set me up again.

Wow! 3Foot thank you for that. I'm gonna make an investment in that book for my library, and make sure everyone I know knows about it.

I just got done reading your link, F3. Excellent. There was a prof that worked in the lab next to ours when I was a grad student. He gave me the creeps. He never specifically did or said anything inappropriate to me, but I just didn't like him. Every female I talked to felt the same way about him! I don't know of anything that ever happened, but it was wierd that he creeped us all out.

Since I know you...all I can say is.....:doit:

"Let's get it on....."

Yeah well...did you just call me a bitch?

I don't even know what to say to you.

You guys should see her. She's laughing so hard she's falling all over the place.

She thinks she's funny.

And she wants to get it on with you? Video, please.

HAHAHAHA You KNOW you love me. So I can say whatever I want

:flipbird: BITCH!:finger:


Maybe if his :sadsperm: swims fast enough, you can catch up with me and Shay!!!

:jig: :lol2:

I know Spex huh? She wants me! She knows it.

LMAO..I didn't realize your last name was Jones. I aint tryin' to keep up with noboy. :) Thanks tho. I hate you.

BABY OH BABY!!!!!

Can I get some action please???? Matthew isn't givin it really. Gettin a little deprived over here!:hugnkiss:

Oh well you know you can always get it from me. You just have to ask in the right way. So you work on that, and get back to me. Ok?

:lol2: Of course.
Maybe it was his first post-divorce date, or learned to be suave from porn flicks or likely, just clueless. But, it really doesn't matter, if you don't click, you don't click. End of story.

In fairness to your Mom, he probably didn't view her as a prospective mate and probably was, really nice to her.

We get caught up in our fantasies sometimes, especially if there is a period of time between making the date and actually going. Too much time to worry, overthink, worry more and actually rehearse our lines. Once the lines, that sounded so good at home, have been rehearsed, we gotta use 'em. The more things look like they're going into the crapper, the less spontaneous we can be and have to use the lines.

Blind dates, if not avoided completely, should be limited to ball games, casinos and such, where there is plenty of entertainment. That way there can be as much or little conversation as desired, and distraction so you're not forced to stare at each other during those dreaded lulls.

:hugnkiss: What if I lace my fingers with your and gently stroke your fingers....flip your hair out of your coat and then maybe drool as I look deeply into your eyes....

would that work?!?!?

:fingerx:

I liked that link too. Follow your instincts. Don't dismiss your gut feelings. Sad but true...but I don't really think that any of us missed out on "Mr Right" by doing so; they just think they are Mr Right to just about any woman who gives them the time of day. Ewww.

Edited to add: I've seen women like that too, so sorry if I seemed gender bashing. I only meant that there are creeps out there, and we've all seen them at a time or two. Luckily, we're still here posting so we've escaped the wrath of crazy.

I am going to have nightmares.
I've had a few nutty chick dates like that.

I believe the term is bunny boiler.

There is socially awkward and there is disturbing. That guy = disturbing.

Without a doubt. A creep! A real creep!! This is the kind of guy that ends up marrying the shy, insecure lady because he feels he has the ability to do what he wants.

You'll see this dipshit on Primetime doing an interview with Chris Hanson someday. Frigging pervert. I can see it now...

Hanson: Mr. Pervert, what were you going to do with that 13 year old girl?
Pervert: I just wanted to touch her hair and feel her hands.
Hanson: That's not what you said in the chat room now is it?
Pervert: Well, ah, well no... er' yes. But I was only kidding.
Hanson: Did you know she was only 13?
Pervert: No. I thought it was my wife playing a joke on me.
Hanson: Your wife visits chat rooms with you?
Pervert: No. I don't let her do anything except feed all my desires of life.

Why couldn't he just be a gentleman without all the "touching?" You know, open car doors, talk about her interests, stuff like that.

funny, i used a similar tactic on my first date with my girl.
<<walking out of movie theatre to panera bread>>
Fresh: "oh man, my hands are cold... will you hold them for me?"
yeah cheesy, corny and very hammy but hey it worked and I got her!

^you asked... as far as we know, once, and not in that "violating" kinda' way.

Woke-up one morning, kinda cold, air was on too low, went to open the window to my room. Chick I dated once was standing there....
"Hi"
"Hi"
"What-cha', doin'?"
"Just wanted to make sure you were there... I missed you."
We had a talk the next day.

To me the truly strange thing is that the date that we had went really well.

I turn my head for two seconds and look what you two have done to the place! lol

Well Iggy, fortunately for me this time it was all her doing. She's sick and twisted...at least that's what she wants people to believe. I tried to hold her hand and she pushed me away. I must go cry now.

:hugnkiss: :comfort:

As always, there is the Clinton tactic, Mr. Smooth!
*whip it out and say* "wanna' kiss it"?
Just cut to the damn chase. Sure, perhaps buy her a drink first... perhaps, don't know why, but, what tha' hell?

Now, that's a date! Bow to the master guys, just not too closely.

lol RK, good call... i mean i coulda walked away from the date with stains on my dress and a bad taste in my mouth...

I'm tellin' ya' he has pared it down to pure Zen... just the barest essentials... The MASTER!