The Cellar

The Cellar (http://cellar.org/index.php)
-   Creative Expression (http://cellar.org/forumdisplay.php?f=35)
-   -   Poem (untitled as yet) (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=28763)

DanaC 03-12-2013 05:14 AM

Poem (untitled as yet)
 
Set your direction,
Choose your way.
Foot falling,
Heel to toe, heel to toe.

Your shadow leaps,
ahead of you.
Holds the ground,
Signposting indigo

Moving forward,
Through the trees.
Foot rising,
Impressions in the snow, heel to toe

Raindrops spatter,
Boreholes in the snow.
Where the snowbees build,
Their hives of ice and coal.

A sudden flurry,
Brittle wings.
Feathered fallings,
Crumple to the ground below.

The winding path,
in front of you.
Foot falling,
Heel to toe, heel to toe.

infinite monkey 03-12-2013 09:38 AM

That's really good. You're talented!

DanaC 03-12-2013 10:46 AM

Thankyou! :)

I've been trying to think of a title. Shel suggested 'Forward'. I quite like that.

I was also thinking maybe Woods Walking, or Winter Walk.

Chocolatl 03-12-2013 11:40 AM

Lovely, Dana. I like the rhythm of the "heel to toe" refrain. I kind of wish there was a new stanza, to go between the coal and the flurry, that had the refrain in it so that it'd appear in every other stanza instead of the 1st, 3rd, and 6th.

But that's just me and my need for symmetry.

DanaC 03-12-2013 12:35 PM

ha! Yes, I know what you mean.

JBKlyde 03-12-2013 01:34 PM

me likes you should call it something like.. "walking on air" or "pranceing through the sweet nothings"

Nirvana 03-12-2013 08:06 PM

Reminds me of Carl Sandberg very relaxing.

xoxoxoBruce 03-12-2013 11:32 PM

It should come with a warning not to read while operating heavy machinery. ;)

BigV 03-13-2013 12:35 PM

"The Slog"


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:27 PM.

Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.