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| Creative Expression Post your own works and chat about them |
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03-12-2013, 05:14 AM
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#1 | |
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We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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Poem (untitled as yet)
Set your direction,
Choose your way. Foot falling, Heel to toe, heel to toe. Your shadow leaps, ahead of you. Holds the ground, Signposting indigo Moving forward, Through the trees. Foot rising, Impressions in the snow, heel to toe Raindrops spatter, Boreholes in the snow. Where the snowbees build, Their hives of ice and coal. A sudden flurry, Brittle wings. Feathered fallings, Crumple to the ground below. The winding path, in front of you. Foot falling, Heel to toe, heel to toe.
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Last edited by DanaC; 03-12-2013 at 05:31 AM. |
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03-12-2013, 09:38 AM
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#2 |
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Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
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That's really good. You're talented!
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03-12-2013, 10:46 AM
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#3 | |
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We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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Thankyou!
 I've been trying to think of a title. Shel suggested 'Forward'. I quite like that. I was also thinking maybe Woods Walking, or Winter Walk.
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03-12-2013, 11:40 AM
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#4 |
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Glutton for Gluttony
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 1,409
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Lovely, Dana. I like the rhythm of the "heel to toe" refrain. I kind of wish there was a new stanza, to go between the coal and the flurry, that had the refrain in it so that it'd appear in every other stanza instead of the 1st, 3rd, and 6th.
But that's just me and my need for symmetry. |
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03-12-2013, 12:35 PM
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#5 | |
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We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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ha! Yes, I know what you mean.
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03-12-2013, 01:34 PM
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#6 |
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Banned
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall
Posts: 1,722
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me likes you should call it something like.. "walking on air" or "pranceing through the sweet nothings"
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03-12-2013, 08:06 PM
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#7 |
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Back in 10
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 3,684
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Reminds me of Carl Sandberg very relaxing.
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Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind. |
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03-12-2013, 11:32 PM
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#8 |
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The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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It should come with a warning not to read while operating heavy machinery.
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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03-13-2013, 12:35 PM
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#9 |
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Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
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"The Slog"
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
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