What the fuck is wrong and do I really want to know?

[IamSam]

Me, I'm not too pleased this evening. I have been having a bewildering array of symptoms for a while now - every bone in my body began hurting sometime back, and now they're hurting even more. I give an involuntary yelp of pain if Wyn or one of the cats happens to jump on me. I'm exhausted often. My immune system seems to have gone south for the winter without me, and I've already had 3 bouts of colds/flu so far this winter. My digestive track has gotten in on the fun, too. I either have a case of the runs or else I haven't pooped in a week.

I finally went into my primary care, and he decided we should start with a clonoscopy screen. All that miserable golightly stuff (a gallon!) you have to drink the night before to get cleaned out, then being driven by a friend 50 miles to the nearest digestive health specialist and fifty back. Can't drive myself because they have to knock me out to peek up my butt.

I know something's wrong with me, but I can't get a real sense from my own body if it's major or minor. What if it's cancer? What if the colonoscopy doesn't show anything and I end up having to spend weeks taking a bunch more invasive diagnostic tests to find out - what?

What if it's fibromyalgia and I get to spend the rest of my days on an oxycontin high? I sure could use an oxy tonight, I'll tell you that. Then again, maybe my pancreas is finally doing a payback for all those years when I consumed massive amounts of booze.

I go in on Tuesday and I can't help but feel a tad apprehensive over what I may find out when I come round from the anesthetic.