Because I'm an Airhead

[Elspode]

Someone here, probably Barefoot Serpent, said I should have a Cellar Midwest gathering now that we were in the new place. Well, WTF?

It isn't strictly a Cellar gathering...it is, in fact, my 50th birthday, a birthday which I told my not-then-wife some ten years ago that I seriously did not ever expect to attain. Well, here I am...and barring a serious traffic accident or complete failure of the five year old heart bypass, I expect to be having a celebration coming up. Despite the probability that no one on this list will even remotely consider attending, I am providing to you all the same spam email which I just sent to a number of unsuspecting acquaintances about fifteen minutes ago. Peace and love, ya'll...and so much for Internet anonymity, huh?

Hello, my friends. Patrick here...I know that mass mailings are in bad form, but darn it, I might not ever get another chance to invite all of you to my 50th Birthday Celebration.

For those of you who aren't aware - possibly blissfully so - we have moved from our longtime Grandview home to new digs in Raytown, and we now have a backyard that not only lends itself to outdoor recreational activities, but virtually demands it. In order to help to satisfy its incessant nagging ("Come out and sit in the swing", "Shouldn't you be barbecuing?", "Hey, how about that moon?"), we will be gathering at approximately 3:30ish on Sunday, September 24th at our new domicile for the roasting of animal flesh, species as yet undetermined, consumption of refreshing adult and non-adult beverages (largely dependant upon what you bring with you, but some will undoubtedly be available for the more indecisive among you), cake and whatever comestibles you choose to bring along to contribute to the cause. This is all in the name of making a moderate, but not overly large, fuss over the fact that I've managed to survive for 50 years, and many of you are largely responsible - or, more to the point, to blame - for that rather remarkable turn of affairs.

For the more adventurous amongst you, the half-century birthday festivities will be preceded by an open Mabon Sabbat ritual, as is our annual custom, being practitioners of alternative spirituality as we are. Should you decide to indulge your curiosity and attend that part of the day's frolic, please arrive no later than 2:00 PM, and it would be really cool if you'd bring along a non-perishable food item, or items, to donate to a needy local family which we choose each year. We sort of figure that it is the least we can do to help out in these trying times, what with us being so amazingly blessed and all.

If any of this piques your interest, or if you're just bummed that the 24th is an unusually early bye week for the Chiefs, the following information might prove to be useful:

Patrick and Donna Chambers
11505 E 78th Terrace
Raytown, MO 64138
816-886-0809 (this is our new home phone number, but if you have my cell #, 913-915-4343, you could try that as well if you are lost and wandering)

The following link will take you to a map, which could prove useful to the more directionally challenged:

http://maps.google.com/maps?oi=map&q...e,+Raytown,+MO

If you are terminally unable to find your way, I again refer you to the phone numbers...

I hope to see any and all of you here on Sunday, September 24, 2006. There will be no spankings, and *NO GIFTS*...I've been bad, but not that bad. All I want is the company of my friends and the good natured insults that usually derive thereof. As my email and phone number information is hopelessly outdated, any of you who receive this and think you might know someone who would like to be a part of this, please feel free to invite them as well. We're easy.

Thanks for your indulgence, and I hope to see you all soon.

Patrick