Why oh why?

DanaC · 11-29-2006, 05:11 PM

why does nobody ever ask me out? Okay....I shall amend that....Why oh why does nobody who isnt thirty years my senior and three bottles of wine drunker than I am ever ask me out?

It's not something that was bothering me particularly, until my ex (Judah) brought it up tonight.

He ws visiting his bro in London a few weeks ago, and his bro (John) asked after me (me and John were quite close when Judah and I were together.... kind of considered being unfaithful with him, but never went through with it).

He wanted to know if I'd had anyone else since me and Judah split up....and the answer was no. He asked Judah why not?

So.....Judah and I got together to watch some sci-fi he'd downloaded as we do maybe twice or three times a week and he relays his conversattion with John, to me.

Judah and I lived together for about 12 years or so....since we split up 4 or 5 years ago, he's had one serious girlfriend and two not so serious girlfriends....me? no one. Not that I am looking for anyone, but frankly nobody has asked.

I consider myself to be relatively pretty. I certainly don't consider myself to be ugly. Five years ago, I couldn't walk down the street without some guy making a comment or looking back over his shoulder when he'd passed me by.....now....I think it's probably three or four years since a guy even noticed me walking by. The only time I am noticed is when I am interracting with very troubled, older men in a professional capacity, and I think that's just basic transference.

Now....don't get me wrong, I am not looking for love....I am happy as I am and if it crosses my path then so be it....but I have to wonder, since the question has been asked of me....why ? Why in nearly half a decade of being single has nobody actually propositioned me or asked me out?
All of a sudden I am wondering, if I have been wrong all these years in assuming I'm quite pretty. Am I really so unattractive that no guy is interested? Why, when I had a relationship was I fighting off offers? Was it just that I was so much younger then?

Anyway. It doesn't really matter much, but it's something to tax my mind whilst quietly drunk. I suspect I will, in thirty years, be a single, dotty, dog owning history professor.....and that's ok.....but I'd quite like, just once in a while to be asked...ya know? Maybe I have just reached that 'invisible age'.

Aliantha · 11-29-2006, 05:15 PM

Maybe it's time to actively participate in your lack of dates? Have you asked anyone out?

DanaC · 11-29-2006, 05:33 PM

heheh Nope. Like I said, I am not actually looking for anything. It was just the realisation that, whereas a few years ago, I wasn't looking but guys were trying......now I am not looking and nobody is asking:P

Pure vanity.

Aliantha · 11-29-2006, 05:51 PM

lol...well there you have it then.

DanaC · 11-29-2006, 05:54 PM

*grins*

busterb · 11-29-2006, 06:51 PM

Well the first few lines go me.

DanaC · 11-29-2006, 07:00 PM

Okay.....I was very drunk and in a 'bleak' mood when I wrote that. I don't know how accurate it was really. There have been one or two guys who've shown interest, thinking about it, that I haven't really responded to. I think the whole 'being a mature student, surrounded by 18yr olds' is starting to get to me a little :P

Aliantha · 11-29-2006, 07:09 PM

I think you really do want to find someone to snuggle with Dana. And I'm entirely serious about that.

DanaC · 11-29-2006, 07:10 PM

I have moments where snuggling sounds nice......most of the time I'm too busy :P I think 95% of the time, I am content.....it's just that pesky 5%.

Aliantha · 11-29-2006, 07:14 PM

Well...I guess maybe if you try putting yourself out there, you might find someone who fits in with that 5% of the time. You might even find someone who fits into a bit more of your time...or maybe you just need to find yourself a fark buddy.

DanaC · 11-29-2006, 07:21 PM

LoL a fark buddy sounds kind of nice:P

I think I just had a bit of a crisis of confidence lookswise, brought on by too much drink and stupidly listening to Judah and his bro.:P

Aliantha · 11-29-2006, 07:25 PM

Well I think you're hot.

Hoof Hearted · 11-29-2006, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

Why, when I had a relationship was I fighting off offers?

My Hubby and I discussed this some time ago...
I drive a Corvette and get a lot of attention because of the car, not because I am pretty. I think I look okay, but I don't go out of my way to 'pretty-up' at all when in public; eyeliner, mascara and clothes that fit. Full makeup is reserved for xmas parties w/ hubby's work.

I will talk to anyone about Corvettes, that wants to talk to me. I manage to surprise many men with my knowledge about Corvettes in general, the third generation 'vette in particular AND I have a fabulous working knowledge of engine and accessory parts and their uses and problems encountered with them.
I have been propositioned (respectfully) several times. I invite them all to visit the Corvette site I moderate at and refuse any/all personal advances.

I also tell my Hubby about these encounters.
Here is what he said:
The men are attracted to my confidence within myself.
Here is what I replied:
My confidence is derived from the stability I feel within our marriage.

Same thing for you...in a relationship I think women put off a 'vibe' of self-confidence that attracts men.

I must clarify that all through growing up, I was a nerdy-bookworm...happiest with my books and riding my horse. I grew up 15 miles out of town and had no close friends. I feel my social skills were retarded in development and I was painfully shy. Had a bad long-term relationship out of HS/college who did nothing for my self confidence other than beat it down. It wasn't until meeting/marrying Hubby that I feel I blossomed into the self-confident person I am today. I will talk to anyone, anywhere and about anything.

glatt · 11-29-2006, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hoof Hearted

in a relationship I think women put off a 'vibe' of self-confidence that attracts men.

There's the answer, right there.

monster · 11-29-2006, 10:40 PM

agreed, and to expand, I think women not in a relationship but still happy may give out an "I don't need you" vibe (hate that word) ((

))

11-29-2006, 05:11 PM	#1
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Why oh why? why does nobody ever ask me out? Okay....I shall amend that....Why oh why does nobody who isnt thirty years my senior and three bottles of wine drunker than I am ever ask me out? It's not something that was bothering me particularly, until my ex (Judah) brought it up tonight. He ws visiting his bro in London a few weeks ago, and his bro (John) asked after me (me and John were quite close when Judah and I were together.... kind of considered being unfaithful with him, but never went through with it). He wanted to know if I'd had anyone else since me and Judah split up....and the answer was no. He asked Judah why not? So.....Judah and I got together to watch some sci-fi he'd downloaded as we do maybe twice or three times a week and he relays his conversattion with John, to me. Judah and I lived together for about 12 years or so....since we split up 4 or 5 years ago, he's had one serious girlfriend and two not so serious girlfriends....me? no one. Not that I am looking for anyone, but frankly nobody has asked. I consider myself to be relatively pretty. I certainly don't consider myself to be ugly. Five years ago, I couldn't walk down the street without some guy making a comment or looking back over his shoulder when he'd passed me by.....now....I think it's probably three or four years since a guy even noticed me walking by. The only time I am noticed is when I am interracting with very troubled, older men in a professional capacity, and I think that's just basic transference. Now....don't get me wrong, I am not looking for love....I am happy as I am and if it crosses my path then so be it....but I have to wonder, since the question has been asked of me....why ? Why in nearly half a decade of being single has nobody actually propositioned me or asked me out? All of a sudden I am wondering, if I have been wrong all these years in assuming I'm quite pretty. Am I really so unattractive that no guy is interested? Why, when I had a relationship was I fighting off offers? Was it just that I was so much younger then? Anyway. It doesn't really matter much, but it's something to tax my mind whilst quietly drunk. I suspect I will, in thirty years, be a single, dotty, dog owning history professor.....and that's ok.....but I'd quite like, just once in a while to be asked...ya know? Maybe I have just reached that 'invisible age'.

11-29-2006, 05:15 PM	#2
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Maybe it's time to actively participate in your lack of dates? Have you asked anyone out? __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-29-2006, 05:51 PM	#4
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	lol...well there you have it then. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-29-2006, 06:51 PM	#6
busterb NSABFD Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: MS. usa Posts: 3,908	Well the first few lines go me. __________________ I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch.

11-29-2006, 07:09 PM	#8
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I think you really do want to find someone to snuggle with Dana. And I'm entirely serious about that. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-29-2006, 05:33 PM	#3
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	heheh Nope. Like I said, I am not actually looking for anything. It was just the realisation that, whereas a few years ago, I wasn't looking but guys were trying......now I am not looking and nobody is asking:P Pure vanity.

11-29-2006, 05:54 PM	#5
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	grins

11-29-2006, 07:00 PM	#7
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Okay.....I was very drunk and in a 'bleak' mood when I wrote that. I don't know how accurate it was really. There have been one or two guys who've shown interest, thinking about it, that I haven't really responded to. I think the whole 'being a mature student, surrounded by 18yr olds' is starting to get to me a little :P

11-29-2006, 07:10 PM	#9
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	I have moments where snuggling sounds nice......most of the time I'm too busy :P I think 95% of the time, I am content.....it's just that pesky 5%.

11-29-2006, 07:14 PM	#10
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Well...I guess maybe if you try putting yourself out there, you might find someone who fits in with that 5% of the time. You might even find someone who fits into a bit more of your time...or maybe you just need to find yourself a fark buddy. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-29-2006, 07:21 PM	#11
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	LoL a fark buddy sounds kind of nice:P I think I just had a bit of a crisis of confidence lookswise, brought on by too much drink and stupidly listening to Judah and his bro.:P

11-29-2006, 07:25 PM	#12
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Well I think you're hot. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-29-2006, 10:40 PM	#15
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	agreed, and to expand, I think women not in a relationship but still happy may give out an "I don't need you" vibe (hate that word) (( )) __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

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