Identity

Ibby · 07-31-2007, 08:26 AM

As I'm sure most of you've rather grasped by this point... I have some fairly major gender identity issues.

Got a problem with it, (coughmerccough) then you are welcome to not comment. This is little more than a vent anyway.

I dont know what my deal is. After reading (the first 14 of) this essay series, I've reflected a bit, stood back and thought for a second... And I'm almost certain that this isn't what I am. I'm not transexual. But yet, I'm not happy being a boy. Along with being bisexual, I think I've just, outright rejected the concept of binary gender. Maybe I'm just a whiney, hormonal teen. Maybe I'm just a

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMercenary

bi confused fag

who needs to

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMercenary

wipe cum off [my] lips

because I'm a

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMercenary

teen slut.

. Maybe I'm a brainwashed liberal hippy. I dont know what I am.
But I also don't know anyone else, anywhere, in the same position as I am. I have no support groups, I have no organizations. Even ignoring the fact that most straight AND gay people don't believe in bisexuality... I'd get chased out of any transgender support group for not being, well, transgender as such. There's no androgyne support organization, nothing. I'm on my own, and that's kind of a scary thought, especially for a teenager who's already something of a social outcast, being not only more mature than many of my peers (and modest, too) but also more political, more liberal, more hippy, and just plain old more weird than just about everyone I know.

Sorry, guys. Hate to pull the whole lame whiney emotional teen schtick on y'all. Just needed to get some of that out there.

Flint · 07-31-2007, 08:29 AM

That's how teenagers are supposed to feel.

Ibby · 07-31-2007, 08:39 AM

Hey, thanks Flint, that's exactly what I needed to hear, that I'm just like everyone else.

Uisge Beatha · 07-31-2007, 08:43 AM

Life isn't always easy; I'm sure glad I'm past dealing with the troubles of my teen years, and I didn't have half the problem you're faced with, Ibram. I haven't gotten to know you yet, but I certainly respect you as a person. So long as you are a decent person, nothing else really matters that much to me. We all need to vent at times, so don't feel bad about that. As to the rest, well, you certainly know that the Cellar has compassionate people with good advice to give; let me shut up and give them the chance to pass some along.

Spexxvet · 07-31-2007, 08:49 AM

Don't try to pigeon-hole yourself. You are what you are. Be happy and comfortable with you - you are not just your sexuality. All the non-assholes here like you and value you.

Ibby · 07-31-2007, 08:55 AM

See, spex, thats the thing - I am mostly happy with me, mostly comfortable with me, its just.... this bothers me, this whole gender thing. It's not my fault it's such a big deal to the rest of the world... but it's an EXTREME minority that agrees with me that gender is BS, so I need some way to rationalize my own stance, and to explain it/represent it to others.

Shawnee123 · 07-31-2007, 09:13 AM

Ibram, you'll figure it all out. It's what you believe in that counts for you.

I think I've mentioned it before, but you should read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. Though it is a work of fiction, it raises some very interesting gender identity issues.

Keep on keepin' on, Ib!

Perry Winkle · 07-31-2007, 09:31 AM

Some Native American peoples believe(d) in third and/or fourth genders.

Man inhabiting Woman, Woman inhabiting Man, and Neither. These people were fully respected in society. A manly woman hunted with the other men, a womanly man cooked and weaved, etc, with the women.

wolf · 07-31-2007, 09:42 AM

You are a beautiful and unique snowflake.

Or not.

Just be you, and don't worry about what it's called or where on some supposed curve you fall.

Figuring out how to be you is hard enough without having to do extensive research.

piercehawkeye45 · 07-31-2007, 10:03 AM

I can't really help you find the answer to your problem but hopefully I can help you not get deeper into a hole that I know all too well. It seems that you are feeling alone and betrayed by the world. Do not, repeat, do not, get into the mindset that it is you versus the world. This will only cause your problem to get worse and it can pull other areas in your life in a hole that is extremely hard to get out of.

piercehawkeye45 · 07-31-2007, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perry Winkle

Some Native American peoples believe(d) in third and/or fourth genders.

Man inhabiting Woman, Woman inhabiting Man, and Neither. These people were fully respected in society. A manly woman hunted with the other men, a womanly man cooked and weaved, etc, with the women.

I think the Greeks had that as well.

Shawnee123 · 07-31-2007, 10:11 AM

Middlesex deals with Greek ideologies, as well.

smurfalicious · 07-31-2007, 10:26 AM

In time you will come to know many, many more people who are reflections of you... you'll gain friendships, intimacy, confidence, and most importantly, you'll find yourself in those reflections.

I am nowhere near the person I was at your age, and I didn't even have gender identity issues. At age 30, I think I finally figured out who I am and what I'm about.

You're never alone. Sometimes, you just need to reach out.

Flint · 07-31-2007, 10:51 AM

...

yesman065 · 07-31-2007, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Maybe I am just a whiney, hormonal teen. - But I also don't know anyone else, anywhere, in the same position as I am.

#1) I would certainly hope so - you are suppose to be.
#2) Thank God or whomever everyday for that - your individuality is what sets you apart from the rest. Think how boring it would be to be just like everyone else. No seperation, no individuality, no originality no new thoughts - Hell we'd all still think the world was flat.
You and your unique perspective has the capability to offer the rest of us new and different perspectives.

Then again you are a teen and might just grow out of it and end up like the rest of it - what do I know???

07-31-2007, 08:39 AM	#3
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	Hey, thanks Flint, that's exactly what I needed to hear, that I'm just like everyone else. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

07-31-2007, 08:49 AM	#5
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	Don't try to pigeon-hole yourself. You are what you are. Be happy and comfortable with you - you are not just your sexuality. All the non-assholes here like you and value you. __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

07-31-2007, 08:55 AM	#6
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	See, spex, thats the thing - I am mostly happy with me, mostly comfortable with me, its just.... this bothers me, this whole gender thing. It's not my fault it's such a big deal to the rest of the world... but it's an EXTREME minority that agrees with me that gender is BS, so I need some way to rationalize my own stance, and to explain it/represent it to others. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

07-31-2007, 09:13 AM	#7
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Ibram, you'll figure it all out. It's what you believe in that counts for you. I think I've mentioned it before, but you should read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. Though it is a work of fiction, it raises some very interesting gender identity issues. Keep on keepin' on, Ib! __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

07-31-2007, 09:42 AM	#9
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	You are a beautiful and unique snowflake. Or not. Just be you, and don't worry about what it's called or where on some supposed curve you fall. Figuring out how to be you is hard enough without having to do extensive research. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

07-31-2007, 08:29 AM	#2
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	That's how teenagers are supposed to feel. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

07-31-2007, 08:43 AM	#4
Uisge Beatha Lecturer Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 945	Life isn't always easy; I'm sure glad I'm past dealing with the troubles of my teen years, and I didn't have half the problem you're faced with, Ibram. I haven't gotten to know you yet, but I certainly respect you as a person. So long as you are a decent person, nothing else really matters that much to me. We all need to vent at times, so don't feel bad about that. As to the rest, well, you certainly know that the Cellar has compassionate people with good advice to give; let me shut up and give them the chance to pass some along.

07-31-2007, 09:31 AM	#8
Perry Winkle Esnohplad Semaj Ton Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 2,259	Some Native American peoples believe(d) in third and/or fourth genders. Man inhabiting Woman, Woman inhabiting Man, and Neither. These people were fully respected in society. A manly woman hunted with the other men, a womanly man cooked and weaved, etc, with the women.

07-31-2007, 10:03 AM	#10
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	I can't really help you find the answer to your problem but hopefully I can help you not get deeper into a hole that I know all too well. It seems that you are feeling alone and betrayed by the world. Do not, repeat, do not, get into the mindset that it is you versus the world. This will only cause your problem to get worse and it can pull other areas in your life in a hole that is extremely hard to get out of.

07-31-2007, 10:11 AM	#12
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Middlesex deals with Greek ideologies, as well. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

07-31-2007, 10:26 AM	#13
smurfalicious Tool. Not the band - you are one. Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: 501 Northlake Blvd., North Palm Beach FL Posts: 329	In time you will come to know many, many more people who are reflections of you... you'll gain friendships, intimacy, confidence, and most importantly, you'll find yourself in those reflections. I am nowhere *near* the person I was at your age, and I didn't even have gender identity issues. At age 30, I think I finally figured out who I am and what I'm about. You're never alone. Sometimes, you just need to reach out. __________________

07-31-2007, 10:51 AM	#14
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	... Attached Images __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

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