Something to share

Mockingbird · 11-10-2007, 09:09 PM

Well. I got stoned and wrote a little script that I thought would be funny and submitted it to McSweeney's. It may not ever get published so I'm going to post it here so you folks can enjoy it.

Pac-Man: The Movie

-

Pac-Man slowly ‘wakka wakkas’ on to the screen, a little left of center, stops.

Three ghosts enter from the right.

Ghosts look away, Pac-Man sprouts eyebrows, they lower.

Pac-Man: Oh, okay, hi to you too. I guess this is what it’s going to be like from now on.

Blinky: Don’t get confrontational, please. That’s what started this whole mess.

Pac-Man: Oh, oh, oh. Okay. Now I started it. That’s brilliant. I was walking along minding my own business…

Other ghost: You weren’t walking, as I recall. You were rudely marching in our home like you owned the place and opening that … mouth, that hideous thing and eating all of our dots.

Pac-Man: Hey, look. That’s what I do when I walk. My dad did it and now I do it. It’s genetic.

Third ghost: I thought you did that because you were a bigger dot. I heard all of you guys did that.

Pac-Man: That’s so… look. I didn’t come here to be insulted. I guess if you guys think all dots are the same that’s your business, but…

Blinky: We are not like that, and you know it. I used to be a dot. Now I’m a ghost. It’s because I died. Don’t play that card, I swear to god…

Pac-Man: Just shut up! We’re not going in circles again, we’re always doing that! I was walking the other day and you started chasing me. I wasn’t even doing anything!

Blinky: No, no, NO! You were in here, looking to score like you always are and then you started eating all of our dots, man.

Other ghost: We eat dots too, you swine!

Third ghost: That is an asshole thing. You are just a bad person.

Pac-Man: I DO this WHEN I WALK. I was teased in school about it, and I’m done with it. Can we please not bring it up anymore?

Blinky: And then, you ate the bigger dots and you went crazy! You went around eating us, and we can’t die because we’re GHOSTS, so we just pop back up and then your crazy ass sweeps up and does it again. Jesus Christ man, you need to go to the doctor.

Pac-Man: The doctor? Why in the hell do I have to go to the doctor?

Other ghost: Those big dots, bro! That’s where we put our coke! You ate like 30 kilos!

Pac-Man: I… Oh, damn it, damn it. How am I not dead? Should I lay down? I need to lay down. I’m laying down.

Blinky: You broke into our house, started eating our dots, overdosed on coke and then started eating us. Seriously, we’re done.

Pac-Man: Wait, hold on…

Third ghost: We’ve heard this before, really, we have. We just… we just can’t trust anymore, Pac-Man. There’s this line. And we’ve been patient, but we’ve done everything we could. You just crossed it and that’s it, it’s over.

Pac-Man: I have done EVERYTHING for you people!

Blinky: It’s not 1980 anymore. We’re moving on.

Pac-Man: I can’t believe this is happening.

Other ghost: And we know about Ms Pac-Man, too.

Pac-Man: Oh, fuck!

Blinky: I mean, we kind of get it, she looks just like you. God knows, if you could make out with yourself you would.

Pac-Man opens and closes mouth, makes wakka noises slowly for a bit.

Pac-Man: I mean, I really don’t know what else to say.

Slowly, a power pellet slides across the screen.

Blinky’s eyes widen.

Blinky: Guys, get it. Get that thing.

Other ghost: With what? I’M TRANSPARENT. JUST LIKE YOU.

Fourth ghost, silent up until this time screams from the back.

Forth ghost: STOP YELLING!

Pac-Man rushes over and eats the power pellet. The ghost yell and pacman wakka wakka’s all the ghosts into his mouth while running around.

Pac-Man stops reflectively once all the ghosts are gone.

Pac-Man: Mm. I wonder what Donkey Kong is doing.

-

Aliantha · 11-10-2007, 09:36 PM

Mmmmmm...OOoooookay...

ZenGum · 11-11-2007, 02:32 AM

Mocks, there is supposed to be a writers' strike on. Are you hoping that some desperate exec will use your script?

Scab.

DanaC · 11-11-2007, 07:25 AM

hahah

Quote:

Blinky: You broke into our house, started eating our dots, overdosed on coke and then started eating us. Seriously, we’re done.

very funny.

slang · 11-11-2007, 07:40 AM

Serious question here. Did you see that movie running in your mind and just wrote it all down or did you see the set and then played around with making it funny?

If only that stone stuff wasn't so illegal, I'd make a habit of having some every so often. It sounds like a great creative/self entertainment aid.

Mockingbird · 11-11-2007, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slang

Serious question here. Did you see that movie running in your mind and just wrote it all down or did you see the set and then played around with making it funny?

If only that stone stuff wasn't so illegal, I'd make a habit of having some every so often. It sounds like a great creative/self entertainment aid.

It was just like any other writing endeavor, but the voice that says 'That's a dumb idea' is mute when you're stoned. I've been writing little cartoon skits like this for awhile, I'm collecting them to animate my own 10 minute show. I have about 5 episodes already, pretty soon I'll probably create them in flash and leak them on youtube or something.

Edit: Furthermore, weed tends to make any creative work a little more fun. I can't keep any of the paintings i do when I'm stoned, they sell too quick. :p

Sundae · 11-11-2007, 08:32 AM

Made me laugh, thank you.

ViennaWaits · 11-11-2007, 04:19 PM

Quote:

I'm collecting them to animate my own 10 minute show.

Yay! Maybe you can get on [adult swim] so they'll get rid of that Tim and Eric crap.

Quote:

Blinky: No, no, NO! You were in here, looking to score like you always are and then you started eating all of our dots, man.

Mockingbird · 11-11-2007, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ViennaWaits

Yay! Maybe you can get on [adult swim] so they'll get rid of that Tim and Eric crap.

I would like to land a job at Williams street, no doubt.

ViennaWaits · 11-11-2007, 04:42 PM

Quote:

I would like to land a job at Williams street, no doubt.

When you do, will you put me in a bump? I'll come up with something witty and unforgettable between now and then.

Mockingbird · 11-11-2007, 05:01 PM

You bet, if I get it. I'd really like to but I don't know if I'd make the cut. They have a small staff.

kerosene · 11-13-2007, 03:15 PM

That was quite hilarious, Mockingbird. Thank you for sharing. Can you make one for Arkanoid?

Shawnee123 · 11-13-2007, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZenGum

Mocks, there is supposed to be a writers' strike on. Are you hoping that some desperate exec will use your script?

Scab.

I loved it Mockingbird!

If you get in as a scab please ask them if they could use one more.

11-10-2007, 09:09 PM	#1
Mockingbird Master of hand to mouth living Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Tulsa, Okla Posts: 189	Something to share Well. I got stoned and wrote a little script that I thought would be funny and submitted it to McSweeney's. It may not ever get published so I'm going to post it here so you folks can enjoy it. Pac-Man: The Movie - Pac-Man slowly ‘wakka wakkas’ on to the screen, a little left of center, stops. Three ghosts enter from the right. Ghosts look away, Pac-Man sprouts eyebrows, they lower. Pac-Man: Oh, okay, hi to you too. I guess this is what it’s going to be like from now on. Blinky: Don’t get confrontational, please. That’s what started this whole mess. Pac-Man: Oh, oh, oh. Okay. Now I started it. That’s brilliant. I was walking along minding my own business… Other ghost: You weren’t walking, as I recall. You were rudely marching in our home like you owned the place and opening that … mouth, that hideous thing and eating all of our dots. Pac-Man: Hey, look. That’s what I do when I walk. My dad did it and now I do it. It’s genetic. Third ghost: I thought you did that because you were a bigger dot. I heard all of you guys did that. Pac-Man: That’s so… look. I didn’t come here to be insulted. I guess if you guys think all dots are the same that’s your business, but… Blinky: We are not like that, and you know it. I used to be a dot. Now I’m a ghost. It’s because I died. Don’t play that card, I swear to god… Pac-Man: Just shut up! We’re not going in circles again, we’re always doing that! I was walking the other day and you started chasing me. I wasn’t even doing anything! Blinky: No, no, NO! You were in here, looking to score like you always are and then you started eating all of our dots, man. Other ghost: We eat dots too, you swine! Third ghost: That is an asshole thing. You are just a bad person. Pac-Man: I DO this WHEN I WALK. I was teased in school about it, and I’m done with it. Can we please not bring it up anymore? Blinky: And then, you ate the bigger dots and you went crazy! You went around eating us, and we can’t die because we’re GHOSTS, so we just pop back up and then your crazy ass sweeps up and does it again. Jesus Christ man, you need to go to the doctor. Pac-Man: The doctor? Why in the hell do I have to go to the doctor? Other ghost: Those big dots, bro! That’s where we put our coke! You ate like 30 kilos! Pac-Man: I… Oh, damn it, damn it. How am I not dead? Should I lay down? I need to lay down. I’m laying down. Blinky: You broke into our house, started eating our dots, overdosed on coke and then started eating us. Seriously, we’re done. Pac-Man: Wait, hold on… Third ghost: We’ve heard this before, really, we have. We just… we just can’t trust anymore, Pac-Man. There’s this line. And we’ve been patient, but we’ve done everything we could. You just crossed it and that’s it, it’s over. Pac-Man: I have done EVERYTHING for you people! Blinky: It’s not 1980 anymore. We’re moving on. Pac-Man: I can’t believe this is happening. Other ghost: And we know about Ms Pac-Man, too. Pac-Man: Oh, fuck! Blinky: I mean, we kind of get it, she looks just like you. God knows, if you could make out with yourself you would. Pac-Man opens and closes mouth, makes wakka noises slowly for a bit. Pac-Man: I mean, I really don’t know what else to say. Slowly, a power pellet slides across the screen. Blinky’s eyes widen. Blinky: Guys, get it. Get that thing. Other ghost: With what? I’M TRANSPARENT. JUST LIKE YOU. Fourth ghost, silent up until this time screams from the back. Forth ghost: STOP YELLING! Pac-Man rushes over and eats the power pellet. The ghost yell and pacman wakka wakka’s all the ghosts into his mouth while running around. Pac-Man stops reflectively once all the ghosts are gone. Pac-Man: Mm. I wonder what Donkey Kong is doing. - __________________ When you're low it's either wave that flag or stand there empty-handed. -- Achewood

11-10-2007, 09:36 PM	#2
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Mmmmmm...OOoooookay... __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-11-2007, 02:32 AM	#3
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Mocks, there is supposed to be a writers' strike on. Are you hoping that some desperate exec will use your script? Scab. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

11-11-2007, 08:32 AM	#7
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Made me laugh, thank you. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

11-11-2007, 05:01 PM	#11
Mockingbird Master of hand to mouth living Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Tulsa, Okla Posts: 189	You bet, if I get it. I'd really like to but I don't know if I'd make the cut. They have a small staff. __________________ When you're low it's either wave that flag or stand there empty-handed. -- Achewood

11-11-2007, 07:40 AM	#5
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	Serious question here. Did you see that movie running in your mind and just wrote it all down or did you see the set and then played around with making it funny? If only that stone stuff wasn't so illegal, I'd make a habit of having some every so often. It sounds like a great creative/self entertainment aid.

11-13-2007, 03:15 PM	#12
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	That was quite hilarious, Mockingbird. Thank you for sharing. Can you make one for Arkanoid?

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