The Midlife Crisis

[Juniper]

I'm 40, so I guess the timing is right. I am just wondering what is "normal" (as if there is such a thing) and what form other folks' midlife crises have taken -- how you feel/felt, if you changed anything in your life, etc. Was your reaction reasonable and mature?

What do you think compels otherwise responsible, logical adults to do stupid things once they hit that age? Or do you think that those who leave their spouses, buy sports cars and take sabbaticals, that sort of thing...weren't quite right in the head in the first place?

I'm not contemplating anything drastic, not going to ditch the hubby or cheat. The restlessness I feel isn't that...it's just sort of a general regret for the road not taken. In my 20's I was focused on earning a living, getting all set up and financially secure, then in my 30's it was all about motherhood. I don't regret any of that, necessarily. I guess I just wanted MORE, if that makes any sense at all.

That probably sounds like the typical language of a midlife crisis.

I'm solving this dilemma, I hope, by going back to college. I know what I want to do, at least for the main goal, but I'm planning to enjoy the journey too. I get the joy of being around young people (well, sometimes it's a joy...), being nudged to think about stuff I wouldn't otherwise contemplate, having to push myself to do work I wasn't sure I could do, and Yippee! getting honest, timely feedback. Maybe I'll even make some friends.

I think that my hubby is worried, though. I started back to school spring quarter and I'm taking some summer classes, but this fall I throw myself into it full time on campus. I'm changing, and in a good way - I feel like I'm becoming who I'm supposed to be, not the person I just fell into being...more confident, more likely to stand up and argue instead of avoiding confrontation. It's not like he hasn't changed over the years too, also in a good way; he's taken classes too, changed careers, and is so settled and comfy now that I'm worried, too. Either his big crisis is forthcoming, or one of these days we'll get fed up with each other for having grown too far apart. Or maybe not. Maybe he'll be my sail, and I'll be the wind.

Well, this is kind of a personal thing. Just thought it was an interesting topic and wanted to know how others have dealt with it.

[classicman]

I'm in the middle of it now - changing jobs, reflecting upon the past, looking at the future and adjusting accordingly. I am determined now to do more of what I want, of what is best for ME. I am becoming more selfish, but in a good way. I gave the last 25 years to others and sacrificed above & beyond most for them. Now it is time for me ,to better me, to be more of the person I want to become and do the things I want to do.

[glatt]

I decided that I was going to take better care of my body and exercise more. So last summer I did the early bird swim three times a week. It felt great to be doing that all summer, but the summer ended and I never got around to doing it again this summer.

My wife is going through her mid life crisis this summer. It's consisted of going back to her high school reunion and touching base with a couple of old flames there, taking a Pilates class, and starting jogging. Fortunately, the old flames at the reunion all had mostly lost their luster. And now she is in the best shape she's ever been in since I met her. Her abs are amazing.

I still think I should exercise more, and I hope I will.

Mostly the mid-life crisis has been positive for us.

Edit: Oh, I forgot, I changed my hairstyle a year or two ago and use product now. I think it looks better than my old hairstyle.

[Griff]

I've been focusing on the small stuff, trying to be fully engaged when interacting with the other humans, hearing and seeing my surroundings, doing work that is interesting and helps, leaving the cap on the bottle, and exercising for the mind-body connection.

[Sundae]

I'm in the fail part of my usual Try and Fail cycle.
Lord knows what will happen when I hit 40 - I already have a past littered with life-changing decisions.

I'm slowly and quietly making changes again, but I think I need a medication review first. I think I'm below the bottom end of the correct dosage for me to be a productive member of society and I really mustn't slip any further. One of the important things I need to try to get is counselling. Once I get some motivation again.

I'll be interested in your experience of being around teens. It's been the main reason I havebn't gone back into education. Dana seems to do okay, but I know Brianna has had some issues. Personally, I could bear it - but part of that is because of my experience of going back to college at 18, two years olderr than the other students. Perhaps at that age, two years is more significant than twenty...

[Undertoad]

Oh... jogging and doing your hair is no midlife crisis glatt. you'll see soon when the real crisis hits. Sorry.

As for me, it started at about 38 and I'm still in it at 44. When act 2 ended, I had: divorce, business failure, political readjustment, financial near-ruin, and a period of lethargy, confusion and weight gain. Act 3 begins with a fiancee, a job that kinda no longer suits me, and playing out in bands.

I have lost my certainty at how the world operates, and gained a kind of humility. I have realized how mortality operates (I am going to fuckin DIE and every day that point gets CLOSER!) and how you systematically ignore it in your 20s and 30s. I am at once more comfortable with myself, and less.

[Shawnee123]

This right here is my peer group!

I'm making slow changes, but there is so much more I need to figure out. I'm at the point where I think there must be so much more, but then I'm quite content, then I'm downright sad.

That dying thing: sometimes I get so freaked out about people who've been dead for hundreds of years and I think someday I will have been dead for hundreds of years. I had to quit playing my sherlock holmes game for a while because he kept referring to these artist from the 16th, 17th century and I think "they once had a life, they once questioned and cared and loved and hurt, and now they're not even meals for worms anymore." Morbid, I know.

I love this thread and glad you started it, Juniper. Can I call you Junie? That sounds really cute!

[Juniper]

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

I'll be interested in your experience of being around teens. It's been the main reason I havebn't gone back into education. Dana seems to do okay, but I know Brianna has had some issues. Personally, I could bear it - but part of that is because of my experience of going back to college at 18, two years olderr than the other students. Perhaps at that age, two years is more significant than twenty...

Here, most students enter college at 18. I'm in the upper part of that educational journey, so mostly would be with those aged 20 and up. That does indeed make a difference. But I'm still old enough to be their mama.

[Sundae]

Bet you end up wanting to kick one of them in the cunt.

[Juniper]

Yeah, but I had sort of a revelation about that last spring, during the last part of the quarter. I watched their snotty "I'm young and sexy" struts, felt jealous because I'm old and dumpy. But then I realized...they've got all the hard work ahead of them, and I'm past that. They still have to find someone worth marrying, pop out a few babies, spend mind-numbing days watching babies toddle around and sit with other moms at the playgroup comparing stretch marks and labor stories, lamenting how they've lost their groove...and I'm done with all that. My kids are now old enough to make their own breakfasts and even stay home for an hour while mom goes to run errands...and they go to school all day, so I can too!

Like that scene in Fried Green Tomatoes where the young'uns in the little car beat the middle-aged lady to the parking space..."haha, we're younger and faster!" So she crunches into them and pushes them out of the way?! "I'm older, and I've got better insurance!"

[classicman]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

I have lost my certainty at how the world operates, and gained a kind of humility. I have realized how mortality operates (I am going to fuckin DIE and every day that point gets CLOSER!) and how you systematically ignore it in your 20s and 30s. I am at once more comfortable with myself, and less.

That was really well put. The certainty that I had in my youth slowly slips away. It seems the more I know, the more I don't know... and never will.

The mortality issue has begun to weigh more heavily upon me as well. Perhaps thats why I am doing more now - I wanna do this or that or whatever. If I don't start doing stuff now, I never will.

[Tink]

I feel that as I turned 40, I am more comfortable with myself as a woman. Can't really explain it though. I feel good about myself more and more as I have really cranked up the workout regime and am completely obsessed with it now. The results are showing more and that's a good thing for my self esteem.

Mid-life Crisis. Certainly in mid-life and in crisis most of the time unfortunately.

[Shawnee123]

I love that movie, juniper, and that part is classic!

[Sundae]

I love that book

[Shawnee123]

I read the book, too. I read most of Fannie's books.

Oh, speaking of books, I got Cider House Rules out of the library the other day because so many people here were talking about Irving. I had read Garp but not CHR...haven't started yet as I'm reading some others I got, but will post thoughts in the book thread when I do.