07/12/02: Talking about people behind thier back

[juju]

Yesterday I heard a short rant from my friend David's wife, Jill, about how she hates another one of my friends, Curtis.

Curtis recently got married, and has a kid on the way.

Jill also related to me that Curtis's wife had told her several months ago that she was going to get pregnant so that Curtis would marry her. But I was told that David and Jill never bothered to tell Curtis this because, "You just don't do that sort of thing".

This kind of offended me. I think that you DO do that sort of thing, especially if you know beforehand. If true, think of all the hardships and headaches they could have saved Curtis by simply telling him about the ruse.

On the other hand, since Jill has some sort of irrational hatred for Curtis, I think it quite likely that she was pulling it out of her ass. I don't see why she would make things up, but then again I don't know either wife very well. I suppose people do have their reasons.

What do you folks think? I want to tell Curtis what they said, but I don't really want to offend him by insulting his new wife (whom i've never met). Then again, I don't talk to Curtis very much anymore, so I don't really have very much to lose if he gets pissed. Still, I do consider him a friend, even if we're distant friends. I sort of feel obligated to tell him.

[Tobiasly]

Originally posted by juju
Then again, I don't talk to Curtis very much anymore, so I don't really have very much to lose if he gets pissed.

You don't have much to lose if he gets pissed, but what do you have to gain by telling him anything? Simply "you feel like he should know" isn't good enough.

Now, if you heard before his wife was pregnant that she might be trying to pull a stunt like that, then there might have been some good come of the situation: you would have prevented an unwanted kid from entering the world (or a wanted kid from entering into a doomed relationship).

But what do you have to gain at this point? What does he? If he's marrying this girl simply because she's pregnant, then yes, that's a problem. If you feel obligated to him, you may be needing to give him some advice in the future on that front. But even then, I'd only do so if he asked for it.

Simply spreading gossip, which you basically admit your information is at this point ("I think it quite likely that she was pulling it out of her ass"), isn't gonna help anyone.

[juju]

Hmm, I suppose you're right. I don't want to go around spreading gossip. I guess I just figured friends should tell each other what people are saying about them.