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08-30-2008, 12:25 PM | #1 |
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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Ode To A Road
Usual caveats apply: this is still in its early stages. I have been throwing the idea around my head on and off for a couple of days but penned most of it this morning. I need to leave it be and come back to it with fresh eyes to know whether or not it needs more work.
So, as per usual, comments and suggestions most welcome The Road The air smells autumnal, the rainfall is dismal, the road's getting busy and traffic is building... and nobody wants to be on this road, hunched over their wheels, they want to be home. It's just a route from A to C, an unimaginative way of missing out B. Nobody dreams of it, nobody runs from it, no-one returns there in triumph. Nobody looks to it, nobody visits it, no-one thinks of it with kindness It's not some shiny avenue, with gravel drives and picture views. No cosy terraced back-to-backs no bungalows, no high-rise flats. A nondescript B road, without any houses, a bus-stop, stood lonely and masked by the bushes, and nobody wants to be on this road, sunk into their coats, they want to be home. It's just a route from A to C, an unimaginative way of missing out B. Last edited by DanaC; 08-30-2008 at 12:34 PM. |
08-30-2008, 04:02 PM | #2 |
Back in 10
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 3,684
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I like that it evokes a feeling even if its not a cheerful feeling. That means it has life.
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08-30-2008, 04:21 PM | #3 |
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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When I first started playing with the idea I intended to anthropomorphize the road somewhat more than I did in the end.
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08-30-2008, 04:40 PM | #4 |
Slattern of the Swail
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
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I love it. Do you have any local poetry contests you can enter into? It's a goal of mine to give it a try this Feb. in our local newspaper. I think you should be showing this stuff to someone who knows from poetry. I think it's very, very good, but I'm a wannabe.
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum |
08-31-2008, 02:30 AM | #5 |
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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Thanks for the positive feedback I'm going to play with the verse order and layout. If I decide to change it I'll post here:P
Bri: yeah, there are the odd ones, but mostly they tend to be themed. I don't do poetry to order hehe, I'm not that disciplined, I have to write as and when it strikes and the subject matter tends to be quite random. I did consider going to the poetry open-mike nights over at the Stubbing Wharf. Some of the stuff I do is really meant to be read aloud (like the Manchester Dreaming one and Asylum) other stuff I think works better with the reader's own voice. I've only ever done one proper poetry reading. It was hellishly nerve wracking and I doubt I did the poem justice lol. |
08-31-2008, 09:54 AM | #6 |
Slattern of the Swail
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
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"Stubbing Wharfe" - Ted Hughes
One of my favorite poems! Too long to reprint here and I can't find it on google to cut and paste, but WOW! You can recite your poetry at a famous poetry landmark! Kewl! Do you like Hughes? His Birthday Letters and Crow are brilliant. I can't believe you live up there. Hebden Bridge?
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum |
08-31-2008, 11:27 AM | #7 |
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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I live in a town nearby. We all come under the same administrative borough. My friends the two J's live in Hebden, I go there quite often. Lovely place. Quite arty and bohemian.
I'll take some photos next time I'm over there if you like? On Hughes....I like his poetry, but I know very little about him as a person. He isn't my favourite, but I enjoyed studying his work at college. Thing is....I hadn't recalled Stubbing Wharf .... I was unaware of the connection lol. That adds a particular piquancy to their open-mike poetry nights. I could take some photos of hebden if you like? It's a very, very picturesque place. Reeks of history and the early textile explosion. Nestled into the Pennines, straddling the River Calder. Beautiful. [eta] I have mentioned Hebden before, you may have missed the reference. Hebden Bridge has an unusually large gay population and is known particularly as a place that attracts lesbians. The slang in this part of Yorkshire for trying out lesbianism is "taking a bus to Hebden". I go there by train. Last edited by DanaC; 08-31-2008 at 11:33 AM. |
08-31-2008, 11:37 AM | #8 | |
Slattern of the Swail
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
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Quote:
Yes, I knew it had a certain "reputation" and there is the whole Sappho thing, but, hell----it's a poetry mecca to me! Please, yes, I'd LOVE some pictures! LOVE IT! Thanks!
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum |
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09-01-2008, 06:29 AM | #9 |
polaroid of perfection
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
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I really liked it Dana.
I like the way the long vowels predominate, giving the stretch and the wait of the traffic. That's the only minor criticism I'd have; you're not addressing the road - it's not the road's fault, it's the people's! Blame the commuters. Although I understand the appeal of the title. And yes. Photos of Hebden Bridge please. I'm as fascinated as the Merkins about this Lesbos in the North. Especially the unusually large gays. |
09-01-2008, 06:39 AM | #10 | ||
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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Quote:
Does that make sense? Quote:
[eta] I just read that back and I have explained myself badly :P When I refer to the road's sense of being unwanted, I don't mean I was treating the road as an overt character, with direct sensation and thought. More that it was implied, that somehow this road is a kind of embarrassing poor relative of the shiny avenues. The road's 'self' was implied rather than directly referenced. Last edited by DanaC; 09-01-2008 at 06:50 AM. |
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09-25-2008, 08:26 AM | #11 |
Beware of potatoes
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Upstate NY, USA
Posts: 2,078
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Dana, the poem got the message across to me. I think I've traveled that road. Many times.
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"I believe that being despised by the despicable is as good as being admired by the admirable." |
09-25-2008, 10:55 AM | #12 |
I can hear my ears
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
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you should write song lyrics, D
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan |
09-25-2008, 11:34 AM | #13 |
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
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I'll second that. Very nice allegory.
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09-26-2008, 05:17 AM | #14 |
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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*smiles* Thankyou!
Most of these poems are to a tune in my head. I may try my hand at actually writing something as a straght up song. I've had a single line floating through my head just lately. The last two days. Just the one line. It'll eventually percolate through into something...I expect.. |
09-26-2008, 07:56 AM | #15 |
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
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That's IT! We need a Cellar band. With all the musical and writing talent here...can't miss!
Ahem, I'll be your warm-up commodian.
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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby |
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