R.I.P. momwolf

wolf · 10-27-2009, 08:15 AM

It's over. momwolf passed away yesterday evening. She was "sleeping" (which is a euphemism for was just barely semi-conscious). It was peaceful, if you don't count the last two weeks.

siswolf did not arrive until several hours after "it" happened, which is probably for the better. I waited until after siswolf had gotten her to make the phone call to the Hospice on-call service. The nurse they sent out was a complete ditz, no apparent compassion, kept complaining about how late it was, and hit us with a very perfunctory "sorry about your loss" before going straight on to "do you have any of the narcotics left over, I have to destroy them."

Everybody else had been lovely. This will go on the comment card.

One of the duties of the hospice people is to contact the funeral home. siswolf had found one that's just down the street, and used her online time constructively (I was playing games and posting here to distract myself). They had a fairly nice website, and more importantly, a full-disclosure price list. After checking a couple other morticians around here, I found out that this is very unusual.

The ditzy nurse made the call, but was unable to provide most of the information, and that asking me questions and relaying the answers really wasn't working out all that well, so she handed me her cell phone so I could do her job for her.

Eventually two very nice guys in suits showed up at the house, apologizing for how long it had taken them due to the lateness of the hour (it really hadn't seemed all that long, but it does take guys a while to put on suits in the evening). He reassured me that he was a cousin of one of the names on their sign, and that he would take very good care of momwolf. I think there must be

siswolf wasn't able to tolerate the whole thing, so she hid out on the balcony. I joined her after I found out that they couldn't get the litter to make the turn into my mom's bedroom (unlike ambulance litters you can't make these things sit up to go around corners, people in rigor can't be repositioned, I suppose) and that they would be carrying her out.

After they left, I went into momwolf's room to take care of a few things ... mainly to strip the bed and throw everything in the wash, only to discover that they had taken the fitted and flat sheets along with her. I suspect this is done as a kindness to the grieving family because of the things that happen as part of what the hospice brochure called "the death process." If I had watched Six Feet Under I would probably know these things already.

If taking good care of momwolf includes not quite dropping her back in my front door because the other guy didn't engage the locks on the legs of the litter, well, okay, that stuff happens, I know it. And it could have been momwolf's last attempt to say "I don't want to go." And the guy was probably hoping I didn't notice that part.

The dude who talked (as opposed to the one who came along to help with the lifting) had that very typical calm and deep voice. They all have that. And they use it all the time (I had done a pre-commitment interview with someone in the funerary industry a couple of years back and he had that same calming tone.

Shawnee123 · 10-27-2009, 08:17 AM

Oh dear wolf. My heart goes out to you and your family. You were (are) such a great daughter, and person. momwolf did well in raising you.

You're in my thoughts.

TheMercenary · 10-27-2009, 08:18 AM

Sorry to hear about that wolf. Good thoughts your way. The suffering is over.

Sheldonrs · 10-27-2009, 08:22 AM

You and your family are in my thoughts.

Hugs.

Shel

Pie · 10-27-2009, 08:29 AM

You did your best for your mom, Wolf. Take care of yourself now.

limey · 10-27-2009, 08:49 AM

Wolf, my dear. Peace to you, your sis, your family and your mum at last. Grieve, be kind to yourself and each other, remember the good times.
You've been in my thoughts a lot, as you know, and will continue to be.

Nirvana · 10-27-2009, 08:50 AM

No one ever really dies where there is love. They live forever in your heart. I hope you and your family find peace in your happy memories of momwolf.

dar512 · 10-27-2009, 08:56 AM

Virtual hugs and pats on the back. Peace be with you.

Cloud · 10-27-2009, 08:57 AM

losing a mom is always the hardest; I don't care how sick she was, or what the relationship was. I'm sorry.

so, uh . . . jazz for the funeral?

skysidhe · 10-27-2009, 09:03 AM

*hugs to you* I am so sorry for your loss. It's like we know her too.

lumberjim · 10-27-2009, 09:48 AM

sorry about your mom, wolf....

xoxoxoBruce · 10-27-2009, 10:06 AM

Sorry for you and siswolf, knowing it's coming doesn't seem to help any. I am glad, however, Momwolf isn't suffering anymore.

jinx · 10-27-2009, 10:25 AM

I'm sooo sorry for your loss wolf. Hugs.

Undertoad · 10-27-2009, 10:32 AM

So sorry Wolf. Your compassion these many months has been beautiful. I agree with Pie, now is time to take care of yourself.

lookout123 · 10-27-2009, 10:54 AM

*hugs*

10-27-2009, 08:15 AM	#1
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	R.I.P. momwolf It's over. momwolf passed away yesterday evening. She was "sleeping" (which is a euphemism for was just barely semi-conscious). It was peaceful, if you don't count the last two weeks. siswolf did not arrive until several hours after "it" happened, which is probably for the better. I waited until after siswolf had gotten her to make the phone call to the Hospice on-call service. The nurse they sent out was a complete ditz, no apparent compassion, kept complaining about how late it was, and hit us with a very perfunctory "sorry about your loss" before going straight on to "do you have any of the narcotics left over, I have to destroy them." Everybody else had been lovely. This will go on the comment card. One of the duties of the hospice people is to contact the funeral home. siswolf had found one that's just down the street, and used her online time constructively (I was playing games and posting here to distract myself). They had a fairly nice website, and more importantly, a full-disclosure price list. After checking a couple other morticians around here, I found out that this is very unusual. The ditzy nurse made the call, but was unable to provide most of the information, and that asking me questions and relaying the answers really wasn't working out all that well, so she handed me her cell phone so I could do her job for her. Eventually two very nice guys in suits showed up at the house, apologizing for how long it had taken them due to the lateness of the hour (it really hadn't seemed all that long, but it does take guys a while to put on suits in the evening). He reassured me that he was a cousin of one of the names on their sign, and that he would take very good care of momwolf. I think there must be siswolf wasn't able to tolerate the whole thing, so she hid out on the balcony. I joined her after I found out that they couldn't get the litter to make the turn into my mom's bedroom (unlike ambulance litters you can't make these things sit up to go around corners, people in rigor can't be repositioned, I suppose) and that they would be carrying her out. After they left, I went into momwolf's room to take care of a few things ... mainly to strip the bed and throw everything in the wash, only to discover that they had taken the fitted and flat sheets along with her. I suspect this is done as a kindness to the grieving family because of the things that happen as part of what the hospice brochure called "the death process." If I had watched Six Feet Under I would probably know these things already. If taking good care of momwolf includes not quite dropping her back in my front door because the other guy didn't engage the locks on the legs of the litter, well, okay, that stuff happens, I know it. And it could have been momwolf's last attempt to say "I don't want to go." And the guy was probably hoping I didn't notice that part. The dude who talked (as opposed to the one who came along to help with the lifting) had that very typical calm and deep voice. They all have that. And they use it all the time (I had done a pre-commitment interview with someone in the funerary industry a couple of years back and he had that same calming tone. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-27-2009, 08:17 AM	#2
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Oh dear wolf. My heart goes out to you and your family. You were (are) such a great daughter, and person. momwolf did well in raising you. You're in my thoughts. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

10-27-2009, 08:18 AM	#3
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Sorry to hear about that wolf. Good thoughts your way. The suffering is over. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

10-27-2009, 08:22 AM	#4
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	You and your family are in my thoughts. Hugs. Shel __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

10-27-2009, 08:29 AM	#5
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	You did your best for your mom, Wolf. Take care of yourself now. __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

10-27-2009, 08:49 AM	#6
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Wolf, my dear. Peace to you, your sis, your family and your mum at last. Grieve, be kind to yourself and each other, remember the good times. You've been in my thoughts a lot, as you know, and will continue to be. __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

10-27-2009, 08:50 AM	#7
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	No one ever really dies where there is love. They live forever in your heart. I hope you and your family find peace in your happy memories of momwolf. __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

10-27-2009, 08:56 AM	#8
dar512 dar512 is now Pete Zicato Join Date: May 2003 Location: Chicago suburb Posts: 4,968	Virtual hugs and pats on the back. Peace be with you. __________________ "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller

10-27-2009, 08:57 AM	#9
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	losing a mom is always the hardest; I don't care how sick she was, or what the relationship was. I'm sorry. so, uh . . . jazz for the funeral? __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

10-27-2009, 09:03 AM	#10
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	hugs to you I am so sorry for your loss. It's like we know her too.

10-27-2009, 09:48 AM	#11
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	sorry about your mom, wolf.... __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

10-27-2009, 10:06 AM	#12
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Sorry for you and siswolf, knowing it's coming doesn't seem to help any. I am glad, however, Momwolf isn't suffering anymore. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-27-2009, 10:25 AM	#13
jinx Come on, cat. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area Posts: 7,013	I'm sooo sorry for your loss wolf. Hugs. __________________ Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good.

10-27-2009, 10:32 AM	#14
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	So sorry Wolf. Your compassion these many months has been beautiful. I agree with Pie, now is time to take care of yourself.

10-27-2009, 10:54 AM	#15
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	hugs __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

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