Private People

freshnesschronic · 05-02-2010, 04:26 PM

Hey guys. Wow it's been a while. Quick update for those who remember me when I started here my freshmen year of college at the University of Illinois, I'm about to graduate! In two weeks! Very, very excited for that.

But I've been reflecting, on you know my four years here. And I learned that I am a very private person. I don't let an ordinary friend close to me at all. And I value years of friendship very much. My junior high friends I still consider my closest, because i've known them so long and we go back that far. In college I feel like the friends I've made, I still don't let them as close as my high school friends and I still prefer going home and hanging out with my boys from my childhood days. I'm saying I really feel much more comfortable with who I am around friends from home, compared to collegiate friends. I like my college friends, but I love my high school ones.

What do you guys think about being a private person? In some ways these new friends do deserve me to open up to them, but I just don't. It's like a defense mechanism, and for my future I want to TRY to open up a little to people. I feel it will be important in the real world. College is over, and I'm about to see what people I'm really going to stick close to me in times of need.

morethanpretty · 05-02-2010, 05:34 PM

Nope, be a private person, its a good thing, especially in the job force. Plus women love a closed off man, they like the challenge of trying to get him to open up to her because she's special to him. (I'm kidding, that's not really a healthy mentality on the woman's part.)
Why do your friends deserve you to open up to them? I don't see how you could possibly owe them emotional vulnerability. Be comfortable in who you are and the actions you take, there is no reason to feel guilty for being an introvert, although our society often seems to make it seem like a bad thing.
I don't really judge people based on if they stick by me in times of need, then again I'm used to flaky friends and being the only reliable one, so I tend to be very forgiving. If you want a friend who you can truly rely on to stick by you in times of need, get a dog. (Sorry cat lovers, they're awesome but also flaky.)

If I seem harsh or like a misanthrope, that's kinda how I am. I fully accept this about myself.

xoxoxoBruce · 05-02-2010, 06:01 PM

If you bide your time, you have a chance to observe how people you know, treat people who have opened up to them. Are they trustworthy? Are they critical of divulged foibles? Do they repeat shared confidences?

skysidhe · 05-02-2010, 06:56 PM

I am a very private person too.

I think those school time friends will always hold a special place but I have never tried to change my basic nature and when those special few happen they make it all the more special.

I think having a lot of acquaintances are good. I know tons of people but there are just a few who are really close and that's good by me.

I do admire those people who are social butterfly's. Oddly, my best friends are those social butterflies! The really nice great people kind anyway.

I would take Bruce's advice if expanding is what you want.

jinx · 05-02-2010, 07:00 PM

I've never had friends like the ones I had in/from high school.
I think as you get older it just gets harder, so much more stuff going on, so much less time.

monster · 05-02-2010, 07:30 PM

I have the opposite experience -with a couple of exceptions. I have made my closest friends since I came to America nearly 10 years ago. Maybe having to make the effort helped.

piercehawkeye45 · 05-02-2010, 11:15 PM

First of all, congratulations on graduating.

Second, I would say there is nothing wrong with being a private person unless it is obviously affecting your ability to make and hold onto friends. It is perfectly possible that you just relate better with your high school friends and therefore you trust them more. I myself can be very private with people I am not comfortable with too. But it is fine assuming that you could open up to people in the future.

But, from the way you worded it, it seems that you are having trouble opening up to anyone that you have not opened up to before. Maybe you got hurt by someone you thought you could trust and now you only feel comfortable opening up to people you know won't hurt you? Either way, its not a huge issue, but if it is bothering you I would try to do some self-reflection and attempt to figure out why you have trouble opening up to people you have never opened up to before.

Remember, situations and people can change pretty quickly. Now is about the time where more and more of your friends will get time consuming careers and into serious relationships and maybe even get married and eventually have kids. While I know people who are still good friends with their now married high school friends, there are also others that have lost contact as well. If it makes you happy, stay closest to your high school friends, there is nothing wrong with that, but I would recommend not being dependent on them as the only people you can ever open up too.

TheMercenary · 05-04-2010, 08:22 PM

Stay private. Trust no one.

05-02-2010, 04:26 PM	#1
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Private People Hey guys. Wow it's been a while. Quick update for those who remember me when I started here my freshmen year of college at the University of Illinois, I'm about to graduate! In two weeks! Very, very excited for that. But I've been reflecting, on you know my four years here. And I learned that I am a very private person. I don't let an ordinary friend close to me at all. And I value years of friendship very much. My junior high friends I still consider my closest, because i've known them so long and we go back that far. In college I feel like the friends I've made, I still don't let them as close as my high school friends and I still prefer going home and hanging out with my boys from my childhood days. I'm saying I really feel much more comfortable with who I am around friends from home, compared to collegiate friends. I like my college friends, but I love my high school ones. What do you guys think about being a private person? In some ways these new friends do deserve me to open up to them, but I just don't. It's like a defense mechanism, and for my future I want to TRY to open up a little to people. I feel it will be important in the real world. College is over, and I'm about to see what people I'm really going to stick close to me in times of need.

05-02-2010, 05:34 PM	#2
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	Nope, be a private person, its a good thing, especially in the job force. Plus women love a closed off man, they like the challenge of trying to get him to open up to her because she's special to him. (I'm kidding, that's not really a healthy mentality on the woman's part.) Why do your friends deserve you to open up to them? I don't see how you could possibly owe them emotional vulnerability. Be comfortable in who you are and the actions you take, there is no reason to feel guilty for being an introvert, although our society often seems to make it seem like a bad thing. I don't really judge people based on if they stick by me in times of need, then again I'm used to flaky friends and being the only reliable one, so I tend to be very forgiving. If you want a friend who you can truly rely on to stick by you in times of need, get a dog. (Sorry cat lovers, they're awesome but also flaky.) If I seem harsh or like a misanthrope, that's kinda how I am. I fully accept this about myself. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

05-02-2010, 06:01 PM	#3
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	If you bide your time, you have a chance to observe how people you know, treat people who have opened up to them. Are they trustworthy? Are they critical of divulged foibles? Do they repeat shared confidences? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

05-02-2010, 07:00 PM	#5
jinx Come on, cat. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area Posts: 7,013	I've never had friends like the ones I had in/from high school. I think as you get older it just gets harder, so much more stuff going on, so much less time. __________________ Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good.

05-02-2010, 07:30 PM	#6
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	I have the opposite experience -with a couple of exceptions. I have made my closest friends since I came to America nearly 10 years ago. Maybe having to make the effort helped. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-02-2010, 06:56 PM	#4
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	I am a very private person too. I think those school time friends will always hold a special place but I have never tried to change my basic nature and when those special few happen they make it all the more special. I think having a lot of acquaintances are good. I know tons of people but there are just a few who are really close and that's good by me. I do admire those people who are social butterfly's. Oddly, my best friends are those social butterflies! The really nice great people kind anyway. I would take Bruce's advice if expanding is what you want.

05-02-2010, 11:15 PM	#7
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	First of all, congratulations on graduating. Second, I would say there is nothing wrong with being a private person unless it is obviously affecting your ability to make and hold onto friends. It is perfectly possible that you just relate better with your high school friends and therefore you trust them more. I myself can be very private with people I am not comfortable with too. But it is fine assuming that you could open up to people in the future. But, from the way you worded it, it seems that you are having trouble opening up to anyone that you have not opened up to before. Maybe you got hurt by someone you thought you could trust and now you only feel comfortable opening up to people you know won't hurt you? Either way, its not a huge issue, but if it is bothering you I would try to do some self-reflection and attempt to figure out why you have trouble opening up to people you have never opened up to before. Remember, situations and people can change pretty quickly. Now is about the time where more and more of your friends will get time consuming careers and into serious relationships and maybe even get married and eventually have kids. While I know people who are still good friends with their now married high school friends, there are also others that have lost contact as well. If it makes you happy, stay closest to your high school friends, there is nothing wrong with that, but I would recommend not being dependent on them as the only people you can ever open up too. __________________ I like my perspectives like I like my baseball caps: one size fits all.

05-04-2010, 08:22 PM	#8
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Stay private. Trust no one.

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