Dear Sundae Girl

[monster]

The current situation with your parents/mum sucks. Ridiculously unimportant/non-existant things are being blown out of all proportion and twisted in ways even pipe-cleaners won't bend. Horrible. I bet you feel that, as adults, you all ought to be able to handle upsets and disagreements better, and this makes it feel worse.

I bet that if any one of the rest of us was living with their parents or adult children, we'd all be experiencing pretty much the same sort of crap. Or a different sort of crap to a similar level of pain. Thankfully, most of us aren't. That doesn't make it easier for you, but I don't think your mum hates you or is particularly nasty. You're just both stuck in a situation that isn't necessarily what you'd choose in an ideal world.

I suspect that living with your parents as an adult -especially after living independently- would not be easy for anyone. I suspect that the idea that it gets easier with maturity is a load of bullcrap and almost all the factors that drove you nuts when you did it as a teenager are still there and are exacerbated by the knowledge that you should no longer have to answer to your parents. I suspect that's also a two-way street and parents whose adult children come back home feel suddenly re-restricted, no longer able to fart at will or sit in the front room stark nekkid with their tits rested on their knees etc. Resentment brews on both sides, no matter how much you love each other.

Furthermore, we almost all have plenty of unbearable relative experiences over this holiday time of year, spending just a few days or even hours with relatives who are perfectly pleasant and tolerable from a distance and in small doses. Almost all families reach some sort of bizarre boliling point when forced together and expected to have a good time. I can't even imagine stacking that sort of scenario on top of the adult child living with parents one...... especially because you can't grit your teeth and count the minutes until it's over.

The fact that you are still here and still able to post about it speaks volumes about your current capacity to cope with shit and general resiliance. I think that the worst of your recent "bad period" is way behind you and this ugliness is the crysalis starting to crack. Hang in there, it's perfectly "normal" -if extremely unpleasant- but there's certainly a change for the better in view. Keep on swimming, keep on swimming......

Come January, you will be back at work, the pressure will be released, and the plan to get your life as an independent adult will be back on track, full steam ahead. and your mother will start moaning about you abandoning her again, or the colour of your underwear, or how you wear your earrings....

In short, yes, it's crazy and nasty now. But it's not surprising given the circumstances, and the circumstances really are about to change.

Count the minutes until the panto, and when you get back, it's a whole new start. Hang in there, you'll be fine, and in the meanwhile, try not to sweat the petty stuff. And definitely don't pet the sweaty stuff. Unless it's JB.

- - - -

I swore I'd never do this sort of thing again, but apparently I'm a liar, and I truly care. I've been resisting for days and then mentally composing it while doing other things. If any part of this comes across as bitchy, please disregard that, just my bad writing.

Why didn't I PM? I don't know. Because I suspect other people agree? Because it means more if it's "said aloud"? Because maybe it isn't quite right but nearly there and others can add to it?