How to not say the wrong thing.

[xoxoxoBruce]

This could have gone in Relationships or certainly in Health which is where were often slip up, but here it be.
Everyone has had that moment where you wish you could disappear when you realize what just came out of your mouth. Panically wondering why you said that, and whether an apology or hara-kiri is more appropriate.

Susan Silk and Barry Goldman at the LA Times have a solution. The beauty is it's simple and "works in all kinds of crises -- medical, legal, even existential." They call it "Ring Theory".

Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma. For Katie's aneurysm, that's Katie. Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma. In the case of Katie's aneurysm, that was Katie's husband, Pat.

Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parents and children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends in smaller rings, less intimate friends in larger ones. When you are done you have a Kvetching Order.

That's simple, now this is how it works.

The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, "Life is unfair" and "Why me?" That's the one payoff for being in the center ring.

Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.