04/24/03: Negative Impulses

juju · 04-24-2003, 01:49 AM

I guess everyone thinks of doing crazy shit now and then. Sometimes, when I'm standing out on my balcony, I feel compelled to jump. I think of the feeling of what it would be like to free fall, and the immense fear I would experience on the way down. The immediacy of the desire to do it scares me, and as a result rarely go out on my balcony. The crazy thing is, though, that I don't want to jump. I don't want to die, because I love my life. The only thing that keeps me from jumping is logic and fear of consequences. So why even have the thought in the first place?

I think Jim Carrey described this desire best in one of his stand-up acts. He said:

It seems like we're always trying to fend off these negative impulses. It's like, you're with a friend, it could be your best friend in the whole world, and he's standing about two feet away, talking to you. And you're thinking, "My goodness.. I could just fire out and hit him right now. He would never expect it! He's my friend!" You see, insanity is never that far away. It's as close as saying "yes" to the wrong impulse. The people who stay sane are the people who can make those quick decisions.

I heard him tell a story once about how he used to go up on stage with the express purpose of making the audience hate him. Just absolutely loathe him. And he would get up there and clear the place out. Just think about the balls it would take to do something like that. I mean, hell, doing good stand-up is supposed to scare the hell out of people. Can you imagine intentionally bombing? There are just some things you don't do.

And this is sort of what I'm talking about. Those things that you don't do, just because. It's like, there's this mental barrier inside people's minds that prevents them from doing things they're not supposed to do. Somehow, I've lost this barrier. I still don't do bad things, but my safety net now consists only of logic and fear of consequences. This is a very strange feeling, because before, there was just this mental block that prevented me from even considering a negative impulse. I knew before that there were just some things I could never do. Now, I realize that I can do anything I want. Only my mind was stopping me. I can't really describe it, but it's a very freeing sensation.

I should point out that I would never jump to my death. I have no reason to. That was just an example of one of the negative impulses that I think we all get from time to time. It could be anything, that was just one example. And like Jim Carrey said, what separates the sane from the insane is the ability to make those quick decisions.

Me -- "Should I slap this guy hard in the face? Man, that would be great!"
Inner voice -- "No! He would get pissed, attack you, and then never speak to you again!"
Me -- "Right."

I talked to Wolf and Whit about this last night in a chat room, and they described it as "Growing up". Something about realizing that I'm no longer under the thumb of my parents, and the realization that I can do whatever I damn well please. It's losing the "Because I said so" mentality. Like maybe I had no reason for not doing certain things as a kid. There were just some things you didn't do, "Just because".

It's an interesting theory.

And I have yet to do anything crazy. So I think I'm still sane.

04-24-2003, 05:12 AM

That jumping thing, that's called "fear of heights". I have it too.

Whenever I'm up on something high, there is this extremely overpowering urge to jump. Sometimes it's all I can do to not do it, which is why I don't like being up on a high roof, for example, or "sightseeing" over a large cliff, even when there's a "safety rail" that comes up to my hips and is therefore super easy to go over. I also don't want to die, by my head is fucking with me in these instances.

It's not sanity or insane. There are truly insane people out there that need help, and it's entirely different than losing impulse control.

juju · 04-24-2003, 11:32 AM

Really? Hmm.. that's interesting. I thought fear of heights was simply being afraid whenever you're high up? I'm not afraid every single time I'm high up. I just get the sensation to jump every once in a while. I'm not even sure I would even classify it as fear. More like a "Wow, that was pretty freaky/What am I doing to myself" kind of thing.

perth · 04-24-2003, 11:56 AM

i feel the same thing as dave. in my case, i would definitely classify it as fear, or maybe panic. i know i dont want to do it, but i feel compelled to, and maybe im more scared of that than the height per se.

~james

04-24-2003, 12:08 PM

I had a psychologist explain that exact phenomenon to me as the fear of heights, so that's what I call it. Consciously, I do not want to jump. But there is something willing me toward the edge, and I am afraid of it, because what if some time it gets the best of me? I don't even want to chance it.

Actually being afraid of being up high is silly. I think they have other names for the various feelings, however, i.e., fear of being in planes, fear of being in high buildings, etc.

Incidentally, I don't like going near windows in big buildings either, 'cause I feel compelled to break through 'em. Like that lawyer in Toronto. :)

juju · 04-24-2003, 12:49 PM

Neat! I never imagined it would be a common phenomenon. I just thought I was a freak.

wolf · 04-24-2003, 01:44 PM

I came to a realization some time ago that I don't fear heights.

I do, however, fear falling.

A lot.

Like, I have a hard time with footstools and ladders ... BP goes up, respirations and pulse become rapid ... as well as extremely high places that one might conventionally think of as places to be afraid of.

I've been up the CN Tower in Toronto, for example. I was a headcase in the exterior glass elevator, but once I got onto the observation deck and realized that there was no way in hell that I was going to be dropping off the thing like Dar Robinson ... I really enjoyed the experience.

That's when I made the fear of heights/fear of falling distinction in my own head.

But that doesn't make changing a lightbulb or the smoke detector batteries any easier for me.

xoxoxoBruce · 04-27-2003, 03:08 PM

I suppose it's the normal thing for people to constantly be saying "what if" in their heads. That's how we keep out of harms way. Occasionally "what if" will run into "why not" and cause us to make conscious decisions of what are usually subconscious ones.

wolf · 04-28-2003, 02:36 AM

Interesting.

Professionally I seem to meet a lot more of the "why not" people than the "what if's."

04-28-2003, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
I suppose it's the normal thing for people to constantly be saying "what if" in their heads. That's how we keep out of harms way. Occasionally "what if" will run into "why not" and cause us to make conscious decisions of what are usually subconscious ones.

Heh. You obviously don't have the problem then, because it's nothing like that. It's not at all thinking "hey, why not?" - it's almost like there's a force inside me that's willing me toward the edge, and my brain is going "no! no! that's stupid! no!" It's really a strange strange thing, because it's as if the brain has nothing to do with it. It's hard to describe, but the people that experience it know exactly what I'm talking about.

xoxoxoBruce · 04-28-2003, 04:33 PM

Well ruleing out "possession" the only things that can make your body move toward the edge are your conscious and subconscious mind, I think. You say the conscious mind is saying no. That leaves the subconscious with a death wish or curiosity. But like you say, I don't have this problem, so I don't know shit, but I am fascinated by it.

juju · 04-28-2003, 05:10 PM

I don't think the existence of the conscious and subconscious minds has been proven. I know that seems like a crazy thing to say, but it's true. Unless someone here proves me wrong, of course. I think the only thing we know for sure is what areas of the brain do certain things, and we only know that through electrical stimulation of said areas.

So I'd say it truly is a mystery.

04-28-2003, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
But like you say, I don't have this problem, so I don't know shit, but I am fascinated by it.

Heh, I didn't say that. I just said that you can't really understand it until you experience it. :) It's the weirdest damn thing, because obviously I don't want to jump. But there's something there...

Whit · 04-29-2003, 10:10 AM

Just to see if I'm on board here, is it kind of like an almost desperate need to feel or experience the fall? I've felt that. The image of falling playing in your head. Only the knowledge of impact, which the feeling seems to ignore keeps you back? Or is that something else?

juju · 04-29-2003, 10:25 AM

Not really. I don't feel any need to experience the fall at all (I'd rather not end up in the hospital, thanks). It's sort of like Dave said, there's like a force inside me willing me to jump.

It's sort of like you're losing control of your will.

04-24-2003, 01:49 AM	#1
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	04/24/03: Negative Impulses I guess everyone thinks of doing crazy shit now and then. Sometimes, when I'm standing out on my balcony, I feel compelled to jump. I think of the feeling of what it would be like to free fall, and the immense fear I would experience on the way down. The immediacy of the desire to do it scares me, and as a result rarely go out on my balcony. The crazy thing is, though, that I don't want to jump. I don't want to die, because I love my life. The only thing that keeps me from jumping is logic and fear of consequences. So why even have the thought in the first place? I think Jim Carrey described this desire best in one of his stand-up acts. He said: It seems like we're always trying to fend off these negative impulses. It's like, you're with a friend, it could be your best friend in the whole world, and he's standing about two feet away, talking to you. And you're thinking, "My goodness.. I could just fire out and hit him right now. He would never expect it! He's my friend!" You see, insanity is never that far away. It's as close as saying "yes" to the wrong impulse. The people who stay sane are the people who can make those quick decisions. I heard him tell a story once about how he used to go up on stage with the express purpose of making the audience hate him. Just absolutely loathe him. And he would get up there and clear the place out. Just think about the balls it would take to do something like that. I mean, hell, doing good stand-up is supposed to scare the hell out of people. Can you imagine intentionally bombing? There are just some things you don't do. And this is sort of what I'm talking about. Those things that you don't do, just because. It's like, there's this mental barrier inside people's minds that prevents them from doing things they're not supposed to do. Somehow, I've lost this barrier. I still don't do bad things, but my safety net now consists only of logic and fear of consequences. This is a very strange feeling, because before, there was just this mental block that prevented me from even considering a negative impulse. I knew before that there were just some things I could never do. Now, I realize that I can do anything I want. Only my mind was stopping me. I can't really describe it, but it's a very freeing sensation. I should point out that I would never jump to my death. I have no reason to. That was just an example of one of the negative impulses that I think we all get from time to time. It could be anything, that was just one example. And like Jim Carrey said, what separates the sane from the insane is the ability to make those quick decisions. Me -- "Should I slap this guy hard in the face? Man, that would be great!" Inner voice -- "No! He would get pissed, attack you, and then never speak to you again!" Me -- "Right." I talked to Wolf and Whit about this last night in a chat room, and they described it as "Growing up". Something about realizing that I'm no longer under the thumb of my parents, and the realization that I can do whatever I damn well please. It's losing the "Because I said so" mentality. Like maybe I had no reason for not doing certain things as a kid. There were just some things you didn't do, "Just because". It's an interesting theory. And I have yet to do anything crazy. So I think I'm still sane. Last edited by juju; 04-24-2003 at 01:56 AM.

04-24-2003, 01:44 PM	#7
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I came to a realization some time ago that I don't fear heights. I do, however, fear falling. A lot. Like, I have a hard time with footstools and ladders ... BP goes up, respirations and pulse become rapid ... as well as extremely high places that one might conventionally think of as places to be afraid of. I've been up the CN Tower in Toronto, for example. I was a headcase in the exterior glass elevator, but once I got onto the observation deck and realized that there was no way in hell that I was going to be dropping off the thing like Dar Robinson ... I really enjoyed the experience. That's when I made the fear of heights/fear of falling distinction in my own head. But that doesn't make changing a lightbulb or the smoke detector batteries any easier for me. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

04-27-2003, 03:08 PM	#8
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I suppose it's the normal thing for people to constantly be saying "what if" in their heads. That's how we keep out of harms way. Occasionally "what if" will run into "why not" and cause us to make conscious decisions of what are usually subconscious ones. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-28-2003, 02:36 AM	#9
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Interesting. Professionally I seem to meet a lot more of the "why not" people than the "what if's." __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

04-28-2003, 04:33 PM	#11
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Well ruleing out "possession" the only things that can make your body move toward the edge are your conscious and subconscious mind, I think. You say the conscious mind is saying no. That leaves the subconscious with a death wish or curiosity. But like you say, I don't have this problem, so I don't know shit, but I am fascinated by it. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-24-2003, 05:12 AM	#2
dave Guest Posts: n/a	That jumping thing, that's called "fear of heights". I have it too. Whenever I'm up on something high, there is this extremely overpowering urge to jump. Sometimes it's all I can do to not do it, which is why I don't like being up on a high roof, for example, or "sightseeing" over a large cliff, even when there's a "safety rail" that comes up to my hips and is therefore super easy to go over. I also don't want to die, by my head is fucking with me in these instances. It's not sanity or insane. There are truly insane people out there that need help, and it's entirely different than losing impulse control.

04-24-2003, 11:32 AM	#3
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	Really? Hmm.. that's interesting. I thought fear of heights was simply being afraid whenever you're high up? I'm not afraid every single time I'm high up. I just get the sensation to jump every once in a while. I'm not even sure I would even classify it as fear. More like a "Wow, that was pretty freaky/What am I doing to myself" kind of thing.

04-24-2003, 11:56 AM	#4
perth Strong Silent Type Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Fort Collins, CO Posts: 1,949	i feel the same thing as dave. in my case, i would definitely classify it as fear, or maybe panic. i know i dont want to do it, but i feel compelled to, and maybe im more scared of that than the height per se. ~james

04-24-2003, 12:08 PM	#5
dave Guest Posts: n/a	I had a psychologist explain that exact phenomenon to me as the fear of heights, so that's what I call it. Consciously, I do not want to jump. But there is something willing me toward the edge, and I am afraid of it, because what if some time it gets the best of me? I don't even want to chance it. Actually being afraid of being up high is silly. I think they have other names for the various feelings, however, i.e., fear of being in planes, fear of being in high buildings, etc. Incidentally, I don't like going near windows in big buildings either, 'cause I feel compelled to break through 'em. Like that lawyer in Toronto. :)

04-24-2003, 12:49 PM	#6
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	Neat! I never imagined it would be a common phenomenon. I just thought I was a freak.

04-28-2003, 05:10 PM	#12
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	I don't think the existence of the conscious and subconscious minds has been proven. I know that seems like a crazy thing to say, but it's true. Unless someone here proves me wrong, of course. I think the only thing we know for sure is what areas of the brain do certain things, and we only know that through electrical stimulation of said areas. So I'd say it truly is a mystery.

04-29-2003, 10:10 AM	#14
Whit Umm ... yeah. Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Arkansas, USA Posts: 949	Just to see if I'm on board here, is it kind of like an almost desperate need to feel or experience the fall? I've felt that. The image of falling playing in your head. Only the knowledge of impact, which the feeling seems to ignore keeps you back? Or is that something else? __________________ A friend will help you move. A true friend will help you move a body.

04-29-2003, 10:25 AM	#15
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	Not really. I don't feel any need to experience the fall at all (I'd rather not end up in the hospital, thanks). It's sort of like Dave said, there's like a force inside me willing me to jump. It's sort of like you're losing control of your will. Last edited by juju; 04-29-2003 at 10:28 AM.

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