Most of Your Friends Aren't

[xoxoxoBruce]

Most of us think that friendship is a two-way street — but that's true only half the time, according to research from Tel Aviv University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

Their new joint study says only half of your buddies would consider you their own friend. People have a very poor perception of friendship ties, and this limits their ability to influence their "friends," according to the research, published in PLoS One on March 22, 2016.

If researchers can understand this limitation, companies and social groups that depend on social influence for collective action, information dissemination and product promotion could improve their strategies and interventions.

Well ain't that a kick in the head. Or maybe what you suspected/feared all along. They were interviewing college students so maybe at that point kids use the term more loosely. Or the younger generation sucks.
link

[DanaC]

I suspect that being college students makes a diference. As a youngster you tend to have a crowd of people who are 'friends', to greater or lesser degrees.

I've generally had the opposite experience in my life - I've been surprised to find that people who I like also like me - or, rather that people have been pleased to see me or spend time with me, when I've not expected that.

It's always a pleasant surprise to me that someone values my company, because in general I haven't expected them to. Apart from those I am particularly close to obviously.

[Clodfobble]

I am always surprised to find that people like me, beyond basic "sure, whatever, she didn't spit on me or anything" levels. But I also have many people who seem to actively like me (or at least I think they do,) and I find them tedious at best. I've always assumed that's mostly a function of how I dislike extended social interaction to begin with, though, so I hang out with them as needed anyway.

Personally, though, I think it gets worse after college, not better. Yes, you have fewer random associates, but you're also more aware of the need for basic politeness in society, and less likely to be able to avoid the people in your life that you don't like. Don't like that guy in your biology class? Class is over in 4 months, just talk to one of the 100 other people at the party that one weekend you run into each other. Don't like one of your 7 main coworkers as an adult? Better get over that shit.

[DanaC]

Oh totally - but I think whne you're older you've probably a better idea of who is or isn't a friend. I think the idea of 'colleagues' becomes more of a thing.

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by DanaC

...[when] you're older you've probably a better idea of who is or isn't a friend.

That.

I have a very few 'friends'. These are people who will help you move, pick you up at the airport, or come get you when your car dies at 3am in BFE.

Then there 'acquaintances', and then there are 'people I know'.

[Gravdigr]

Cellar question:

Are you a better friend than your friends are?

I like to think I am. I try to be.

[Clodfobble]

I am better than most at coming through in those 3am moments. I am far worse at remembering to do the little things on my own. If you stop calling me, I will forget you exist for at least 6 months.

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

. If you stop calling me, I will forget you exist for at least 6 months.

heheh. This.

I think my friends are probably better at being friends than I am. I am too inclined to disappear into hermitage in my little house. And whilst i often think of lovely things todo - like send a card to a friend who is having a hard time - I am really shit at following through. If my friends could see inside my head they'd know I love them dearly.

[Griff]

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

Cellar question:

Are you a better friend than your friends are?

I like to think I am. I try to be.

Nope. I don't think so anyway. I'd rather show up for the airport run than show up at parties etc... Maybe I'm a different kind of friend.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Amen, Griff, that'd be me if I had friends.