If your town was a person

warch · 12-07-2003, 07:12 PM

I saw this great thread over at the lonely planet chat area Thorn Tree city thread

They cover a lot of ground, but there are more places to ponder:

Minneapolis is a twenty something white guy who likes to appear cosmopolitan, but has really never left town. He likes the discovery channel but he really doesnt care for the taste of cilantro. He states his love of diversity, but really doesnt know anyone of color. He has never taken the bus. He drives fast and is a bad drunk. He is the youngest in his family. He's only been to St Paul on a few occasions and always gets lost.

Saint Paul is a gray haired grandmother with a big laugh. She's God fearing, and loves to play cards and have a drink. She lives alone in a modest house with vinyl siding and lawn ornaments. She gets up by 5 AM, and goes to bed early. She uses rose scented hand cream from Avon. She's always curious about her neighbors, and will offer a hotdish for a chance to go over and get the scoop. She loves the radio. She has learned to say "hello" in Hmong.

any other ideas?

elSicomoro · 12-07-2003, 07:18 PM

Philadelphia would be Angelo Cataldi.

Undertoad · 12-07-2003, 08:21 PM

I.e., a fifty-something sportswriter turned sports morning show broadcaster. Loud, italian as possible, unapologetically a homer; not really all that bright; sometimes just putting on a big show for the show of it; but with a common touch, a blue-collar touch that respects the everyman; and a deep down sincerity that can't be faked.

Yeah, I agree; that's Philadelphia.

elSicomoro · 12-07-2003, 08:30 PM

Damn UT...that was good. Try this one...

St. Louis would be John Street.

Undertoad · 12-07-2003, 08:33 PM

I also get to do Harrisburg, PA: the late 30's civil service worker. She's never married, just enough ambition to get an associate's degree, and then got stuck in a government job where she processes forms all day. She's union, so her job is pretty much secure for life, but there's not much promise in it either. Her two hobbies are really her life. One, she collects beer cans; two, she grows rare and beautiful orchids.

Undertoad · 12-07-2003, 08:41 PM

(John Street I can't describe, nor St L)

Reading, PA is Uncle Jim, of unknown age. He works at the hardware store and somehow puts in enough worth to stick around and collect a paycheck. Trouble is, he's a functional alcoholic, and while he still seems to get by every day, everyone knows it's just a matter of time before the whole thing doesn't work. He's pleasant enough to be around, but smells a little, and most people are happy he lives just far enough down the road not to be seen.

wolf · 12-07-2003, 10:09 PM

Norristown, PA is the quintessential crazy guy. Smells to high heaven, rambles, has bizarre movements and tics, occasional random shouts of curse words. And drooling. Especially the drooling. Oh, and if you think way, way back ... you kind of remember, he might have had a job once, as a lawyer.

Skunks · 12-08-2003, 02:47 AM

"If Eugene is Cinderella, Springfield is the ugly stepsister." -- Ann Rule

I go to school in the former, and live in the latter. "Ugly stepsister" is certainly fitting, but I'm not sure about the Cinderella bit.

warch · 12-08-2003, 10:23 AM

Harrisburg. I nod in recognition. I remember her.

Happy Monkey · 12-08-2003, 10:26 AM

DC is Eddie Murphy. Used to be pretty cool, occasionally acts like a "Distinguished Gentleman", but pretty much just does crap these days.

lumberjim · 12-08-2003, 10:41 AM

35 yr old yuppie with his baseball cap on, his L.L. Bean jacket, and cords. He drives a jeep, wife has the minivan and the 2.4 kids. He goes to starbucks every moring to get his decaf latte, is overpaid and self important. he's saving his money to buy that sports car or boat, so he pinches the ears off of every penny. oh, and he can't get it up all of the time either. but he's a real nice guy. maybe just a little too pretty.

lumberjim · 12-08-2003, 10:53 AM

He stands there on the corner with his coveralls on, and a greasy ball cap. unshaven. he eyes you suspiciously as you drive by. He's lived there all of his life, and just doesn't trust outsiders. He'll smile and wave only if you do first. he's seen a lot of change recently, and it's all for the worse. he knows his days are numbered and the new folk are taking over the town, he just doesn't really care all that much about it so he won't to try to stop it. Maybe he'll just sell his little house and move further out into the sticks. He spits and goes back up onto his porch to sit in his rocker.

wolf · 12-08-2003, 12:21 PM

Wow. Chadds Ford has certainly changed since the developers took over. Used to be an old-money gentleman farmer type in jodphurs and hunting pinks (which is actually crimson, but what the hell) clutching a stirrup cup.

lumberjim · 12-08-2003, 12:25 PM

YEAH
he sold his farm to the developer that built my guy's $400k house on a 1/4 acre

Dagney · 12-08-2003, 12:39 PM

She's a bitter woman sitting on her porch wondering what happened to her neighborhood. She yells at the kids walking down her street, and doesn't hesitate to call the police when she thinks someone is doing something she doesn't like. She's kind to your face, but when you really get to know her, you'll find that she hates the black people down the street, the Dominicans on the next block, and those loose women who date men who aren't 'their kind'. She'd move if she could afford to, but since she can't, she puts her pink flamingo proudly in her front yard and keeps to herself in her own little world.

(added as an afterthought - I am not a racist person by any stretch of the imagination. I lived in the City of York for a number of years, and this paints a fairly accurate portrait of the majority of the people left in my old neighborhood)

12-07-2003, 07:12 PM	#1
warch lurkin old school Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,796	If your town was a person I saw this great thread over at the lonely planet chat area Thorn Tree city thread They cover a lot of ground, but there are more places to ponder: Minneapolis is a twenty something white guy who likes to appear cosmopolitan, but has really never left town. He likes the discovery channel but he really doesnt care for the taste of cilantro. He states his love of diversity, but really doesnt know anyone of color. He has never taken the bus. He drives fast and is a bad drunk. He is the youngest in his family. He's only been to St Paul on a few occasions and always gets lost. Saint Paul is a gray haired grandmother with a big laugh. She's God fearing, and loves to play cards and have a drink. She lives alone in a modest house with vinyl siding and lawn ornaments. She gets up by 5 AM, and goes to bed early. She uses rose scented hand cream from Avon. She's always curious about her neighbors, and will offer a hotdish for a chance to go over and get the scoop. She loves the radio. She has learned to say "hello" in Hmong. any other ideas?

12-07-2003, 10:09 PM	#7
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Norristown, PA is the quintessential crazy guy. Smells to high heaven, rambles, has bizarre movements and tics, occasional random shouts of curse words. And drooling. Especially the drooling. Oh, and if you think way, way back ... you kind of remember, he might have had a job once, as a lawyer. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

12-08-2003, 10:26 AM	#10
Happy Monkey I think this line's mostly filler. Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: DC Posts: 13,575	DC is Eddie Murphy. Used to be pretty cool, occasionally acts like a "Distinguished Gentleman", but pretty much just does crap these days. __________________ _________________ \|...............\| We live in the nick of times. \| Len 17, Wid 3 \| \|_______________\| [pics]

12-08-2003, 10:41 AM	#11
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	chadds ford 35 yr old yuppie with his baseball cap on, his L.L. Bean jacket, and cords. He drives a jeep, wife has the minivan and the 2.4 kids. He goes to starbucks every moring to get his decaf latte, is overpaid and self important. he's saving his money to buy that sports car or boat, so he pinches the ears off of every penny. oh, and he can't get it up all of the time either. but he's a real nice guy. maybe just a little too pretty. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

12-08-2003, 10:53 AM	#12
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	Elverson, Pa He stands there on the corner with his coveralls on, and a greasy ball cap. unshaven. he eyes you suspiciously as you drive by. He's lived there all of his life, and just doesn't trust outsiders. He'll smile and wave only if you do first. he's seen a lot of change recently, and it's all for the worse. he knows his days are numbered and the new folk are taking over the town, he just doesn't really care all that much about it so he won't to try to stop it. Maybe he'll just sell his little house and move further out into the sticks. He spits and goes back up onto his porch to sit in his rocker. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

12-07-2003, 07:18 PM	#2
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Philadelphia would be Angelo Cataldi.

12-07-2003, 08:21 PM	#3
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	I.e., a fifty-something sportswriter turned sports morning show broadcaster. Loud, italian as possible, unapologetically a homer; not really all that bright; sometimes just putting on a big show for the show of it; but with a common touch, a blue-collar touch that respects the everyman; and a deep down sincerity that can't be faked. Yeah, I agree; that's Philadelphia.

12-07-2003, 08:30 PM	#4
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Damn UT...that was good. Try this one... St. Louis would be John Street.

12-07-2003, 08:33 PM	#5
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	I also get to do Harrisburg, PA: the late 30's civil service worker. She's never married, just enough ambition to get an associate's degree, and then got stuck in a government job where she processes forms all day. She's union, so her job is pretty much secure for life, but there's not much promise in it either. Her two hobbies are really her life. One, she collects beer cans; two, she grows rare and beautiful orchids.

12-07-2003, 08:41 PM	#6
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	(John Street I can't describe, nor St L) Reading, PA is Uncle Jim, of unknown age. He works at the hardware store and somehow puts in enough worth to stick around and collect a paycheck. Trouble is, he's a functional alcoholic, and while he still seems to get by every day, everyone knows it's just a matter of time before the whole thing doesn't work. He's pleasant enough to be around, but smells a little, and most people are happy he lives just far enough down the road not to be seen.

12-08-2003, 02:47 AM	#8
Skunks I thought I changed this. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: western nowhere, ny Posts: 412	"If Eugene is Cinderella, Springfield is the ugly stepsister." -- Ann Rule I go to school in the former, and live in the latter. "Ugly stepsister" is certainly fitting, but I'm not sure about the Cinderella bit.

12-08-2003, 10:23 AM	#9
warch lurkin old school Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,796	Harrisburg. I nod in recognition. I remember her.

12-08-2003, 12:21 PM	#13
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Wow. Chadds Ford has certainly changed since the developers took over. Used to be an old-money gentleman farmer type in jodphurs and hunting pinks (which is actually crimson, but what the hell) clutching a stirrup cup. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

12-08-2003, 12:25 PM	#14
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	YEAH he sold his farm to the developer that built my guy's $400k house on a 1/4 acre __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

12-08-2003, 12:39 PM	#15
Dagney The Prodigal Brat Returneth Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: North Cackalacky Posts: 1,107	York PA She's a bitter woman sitting on her porch wondering what happened to her neighborhood. She yells at the kids walking down her street, and doesn't hesitate to call the police when she thinks someone is doing something she doesn't like. She's kind to your face, but when you really get to know her, you'll find that she hates the black people down the street, the Dominicans on the next block, and those loose women who date men who aren't 'their kind'. She'd move if she could afford to, but since she can't, she puts her pink flamingo proudly in her front yard and keeps to herself in her own little world. (added as an afterthought - I am not a racist person by any stretch of the imagination. I lived in the City of York for a number of years, and this paints a fairly accurate portrait of the majority of the people left in my old neighborhood) __________________ The Constitution gives every American the right to make a total fool out of himself. But that doesn't mean you need to.

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