Please rate

[crossfire]

This is my rap, i wrote it. Please rate it. If anyone shows even the slightest amount of interest, i will post an even better one








End These Violent Days

Chorus: Don’t do this again, it’s the only way,
‘Cause the peace is about to decay.
‘And there’s only one thing left to say,
‘Please help to end these muthafuckin violent days.

Verse 1:

Yo, I walk down the road,
My pocket has a heavy load,
And I never ‘worry about having dough,
Cause some more is ‘hidden inside my coat.
Aiyyo, I just rap for fun,
But I know it’s a ‘hard life, son,
‘Cause in the movies I see them rob muthafuck-as
With-a .44 caliber gun.
You better begin to run,
‘Cause I ‘see you got their crumbs,
And you better not be in their presence,
Or you can consider your life to be done.
You think you’ll be able to dash,
Then you gotta ‘give ‘em back their cash,
Or one of these days-your gonna find,
‘That your car has been smashed.
Good, you ‘gave them back their greens,
Now you can safely exit the scene,
And since you did a good act,
You are a good role model for teens.
But I know some time you’ll be back,
Only to commit a diff-er-ent act.
‘This time they could catch you,
And fuck you up like you up like you’ve been on some crack.

Chorus *2

Verse 2:

First their gonna start,
By trying to ‘give you a part.
In your head and if you try to resist,
They’ll try-to finish you off with a platinum dart.
The alternative’s a horrible thing,
They may get as far as blowing up a building,
Or they’ll trespass your apartment,
And assume that you have some wings.
The first time was a different situation,
Payback caused by theft was what you was facin,
Why can’t you avoid the violence,
Before tha thugs really lose their patience.
But, no, you had to be a clown,
And come back to this forbidden town,
The only ‘words of wisdom I can give you are,
You really fucked up now.
I’ve ‘seen this fucking movie before,
I can ‘predict the final score,
If you carry this whole thing out,
You’ll be ‘lyin’ in chalk on the floor.
I ‘am a movie buff,
Your situ’ation can be rough,
If ‘you attempt retaliate,
You no ‘doubt will be in deep shtuff.
Please consider my words,
Or tha thugs will be ‘on you like your in The Birds,
If you do this bullshit,
You will probably end up mur-dered.

Chorus *2

Verse 3:

So, these are my final comments,
Do not re’turn if you have any sense.
These ‘crimes will ‘summon a feeling of guilt,
Which will be difficult to repent.
Do not sadden you kids and your wife,
Keep the ‘darkness out of their lives,
Just con’tinue to live a normal life,
And then ‘everything’ll be alright.
If you think this shit is legit,
Then this ‘proves that you don’t have the wit,
If you decide to go back in peace,
Make sure ‘money, not a gun is equipped.
‘Go back and give back the cash,
And try-to avoid a kick in the ass,
If this whole thing follow the plan,
You’ll be away from danger at last.
Now this song will end,
And I hope a ‘message has been sent,
That if you ‘try this crime bullshit again,
There’s a chance your ‘freedom the cops will suspend.

Chorus *2

:thumbsdow :thumpsup: which one?

[Cyber Wolf]

I'm not a big fan of rap myself and there are very few rap songs I actually like, but of those I've found its the music and the rhythm along with (or instead of) the lyrics that make the song for me. Personally, I'd be able to rate this better if I heard it spoken the way it's intended to be said.

[crossfire]

I absolutely respect and appreciate your answer. Most people say, rap sucks so this song sucks. But the way you worded your answer is much better. And a lesson I have to learn. Sometimes reading isn't as effective as hearing. So, thank you again