i have nothing to lose

staceyv · 03-01-2004, 09:44 AM

i feel i have nothing to lose by spilling my guts to you all, because it seems to me that most of you either think i'm crazy or stupid or you don't respect me, etc. then again, some of you are really nice and give good advice...anyway, i posted this on another website, because i felt like i might get trashed here by posting it, but you guys know a lot about my life already and i guess i have nothing to lose by posting this here so here goes:

my life sucks. maybe i'm whining...i mean, my family is healthy, i have a job and a place to live and i don't have a terminal illness or anything, but still, i feel that my life sucks. i am a 27 year old female. i have not one person in the world i can call a friend, except for my husband, and we are having problems. i smoke too much, i really hate my job (waitressing) and i'm afraid to get another job because i have to call out sick two days every month when i get my period because i get such bad cramps, i can't leave my bed and heating pad...and i'm afraid another job woudn't be so tolerant of that! so i feel i'm stuck in this job i hate, dealing with some pretty nasty people, and that is basically my entire life. go to the job i hate, eat sleep, feel bad about my realtionship. i have so many food allergies and intolerances that i can't go out to eat. i live on potatoes, fish and apples. if i stray from that basic diet, i get upset stomach, headaches, etc..i used to go to all different doctors, and they found gluten intolerance and low blood pressure, but none of them were any help. i gave up trying to ever eat like a normal person again. i used to have long blonde hair and i felt so pretty. then i dyed it black, thinking it would look exotic, but it was so unhealthy i had to cut it all off and now i have this stupid,ugly short black hair, so i'm not happy with my appearance, either. i was happy when i used to go to the gym 6 days a week. i felt really good, but since i started waitressing three and a half years ago, i can't work out because i get low blood sugar attacks at work and my muscles feel too weak to carry the trays and i just don't feel i have the energy to do both! so i sacrificed my workouts for this stupid job i hate. i also dropped out of college when i started because i felt so overwhelmed by the damn job and the stress, and i felt that i needed to simplify my life and reduce my stress load, so no more school and studying- gotta pay the rent and the credit card bills! so this job makes it hard for me to work out or go to school, but i fel stuck in it because of my stupid period and the fact that i either need to call out sick two days, or work three weks and take a week off. where else am i going to work that will tolerate that? especially from a new employee? so, my life sucks because of 1) job i hate and i feel stuck in
2) marital problems
3) no friends or social support
4) no goals for the future, no idea of what to do with myself
5) severe menstrual cramps that interfere with my life
6) major cigarette addiction
7) financial problems like credit card debt, and living week to week with no savings and no end in sight
8) unhappy with appearance and nothing i can do except wait over a year until my hair grows
9)can't excercise, even though i want to, because it interferes with work
10) can't eat like normal people. sick of explaining it to people, can't go out to eat.

i feel hopeless and depressed. i used to have goals. now i can't even think of anything i want to do...and when i do get an idea, like "i would be a great accountant, i should go to school for it" all i see are LIMITATIONS! how would i pay for it? i could never handle work and school, that's why i dropped out the first time, if i studied and worked, i would have no time for my husband or myself, what if i did become an accountant? do they want me working for them if i'm calling out sick twice a month?
i'm like this with everything. my life feels controlled by limitations from my JOB and my period and i hate it. i can't see a way out. my husband doesn't make enough money for me to not have to work. i make more than him. i just had to get all this out of my system, i feel so hopeless and miserable. at least maybe i can make someone else feel better about their own life.

kerosene · 03-01-2004, 10:08 AM

Stacey,

I am not going to tell you that you had better be thankful for everything you have, blah blah blah. I'll bet you hear that on a regular basis.

It sounds as though you feel isolated and depressed. I get that way, too sometimes. It's really hard to come up with a solution to your problems when you are focused so heavily on how badly they make you feel. But, I think it might be worthwhile to immerse yourself in something that makes you happy, whatever that is. Maybe you like to paint. Get yourself some colors you like and just paint for an afternoon. Whatever makes you happy, you should do for yourself. You mentioned you like cooking for your husband. Think about something YOU want to eat...maybe try cooking in a cuisine completely foreign to you. You can learn alot about cooking that way. Do something to improve yourself...not necessarily college, if you don't have the time or energy for that. Maybe take a martial arts class, or learn how to knit. There are lots of things you have occupy yourself with that can be rewarding, if you let yourself basque in those little accomplishments. Do something for yourself and have the courage to feel good about yourself in whatever you are doing.

case

SteveDallas · 03-01-2004, 10:49 AM

Stacey, I could have written a lot of what you wrote. I really feel like I'm on a treadmill now--I'm not sure there's much point to a lot of what I'm doing. (Except for posting on the Cellar, which is an obvious benefit to society.) I never go anywhere and have little social life. I admit that this is partly due to my own kind of introverted personality, but it's also due to the pressures of work and family commitments. And as for my wife & I going out together... don't get me started on the difficulty of finding babysitters. Let's just say I didn't get rejected by this many 15-year-old girls when I was in high school!!

School sounds like a good idea. Yes, it's hard... but I think you have to try, or you'll be kcikign yourself forever. Maybe you can talk to someone else who's been through it? I dunno. I've also thought about another degree, though in my case it's far from clear what degree that would be and what benefit it would be to me.

And I'm certainly not going to weigh in on "female problems." But you might read this.... it may not be news to you...

http://archive.salon.com/mwt/feature...11/25/periods/

staceyv · 03-01-2004, 10:58 AM

because i am a heavy smoker, it's kind of risky for me to take birth control, plus i used to be on it when i was a teenager and i had blackouts and heart palpitations from it. i stay away from any forms of synthetic hormones now. my body is hypersensitive or something, i can't even take pain relievers...advil used to work so well for me, but now it gives me nausea and dizziness and shakiness, and aspirin makes the pain worse. tylenol just doesn't work for cramps. interesting idea, though. thanks.

kerosene · 03-01-2004, 11:02 AM

I get wretched cramps (even on BC) and nothing works for the pain except Aleve.

Kitsune · 03-01-2004, 11:09 AM

School sounds like a good idea. Yes, it's hard... but I think you have to try, or you'll be kcikign yourself forever.

School turned out to be my solution for overcoming the depression I was in -- it is challenging, keeps you busy, sets goals for you, and leaves you feeling that you've accomplished something after you've gotten through a class or even a small project. Finding time for school, however, is another stressing factor. When I was unable to attend classes, I picked up a hobby that got me doing something: photography. Keeping the mind busy is important to good mental health and I've found that a hobby cures depression really well. We are, after all, just monkies with OCD.

5) severe menstrual cramps that interfere with my life

This subject made my list of why my life is miserable, too, but it read "women with severe menstrual cramps interfere with my life".

*duck*

Beestie · 03-01-2004, 11:22 AM

I can't begin to address all that but I can make a suggestion or two that you can try if you are game.

At your job, be sure to smile and greet people and act like you enjoy serving them. Some folks will still act like jerks to you but I promise the jerk count will decrease and some folk will actually smile back and be nice back. If you are a bitchy waitress (not saying you are but IF you are) then bitchy customers are a certainty. I was a waiter for five years so I know the drill.

Secondly, find some time to help the less fortunate. Volunteer somewhere - old folks home, battered women's shelter, soup line, whatever. In my experience, it is very hard to feel depressed when helping others.

It sounds like you don't feel in control of your life. Not something that can be dealt with in the Cellar but if you want true peace you must find a way to regain control of your life and not feel like a victim. If you aren't running your life then who is?

Report back with some progress - that's an order.

Slartibartfast · 03-01-2004, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kitsune
School sounds like a good idea. Yes, it's hard... but I think you have to try, or you'll be kcikign yourself forever.

This is very good advice,

Take just one class, either once a week for three hours, or three times a week for an hour.

You seem intelligent, you can definitely manage one class.

The interaction with other students and the teacher will make you feel a part of something. You will also feel you are progressing in life.

Griff · 03-01-2004, 11:41 AM

Stace, you really need to develop some goal to be working toward. So many folks give up on the idea that life can be meaningful, it'd be a shame for you to join them. Find a goal that appeals to you and take some small steps toward it. You've got to force yourself to believe that you control your destiny. Poor decisions you've made in the past don't change that. good luck g

Undertoad · 03-01-2004, 01:18 PM

Stace,

The good news is that your story is not at its end, and while you feel out of control of your situation, it's only you who will write the rest of your story.

The truth, I believe, is simpler than you or anyone else thinks it is.

You have come to think of your situation as bad, and you have found all the bad in it. But you know, it's still up to you to find the good in it.

You have found all the bad in it, and concentrated on that. What comes of it? Well now you have experienced the worst possible feeling; you have dug into the bad of every part of your life, and at the end of it, you still have a life and you still care and you still want to improve your lot.

*Success*. Many people get to that point and never care again, and live lives of terrible desperation and experience no joy. They choose not to care. You care. Ergo you have one component of what you need.

You *feel* stuck in your current job, but you aren't really, and you know that. You're a little scared to test the waters and try to find an employer who will allow you your time. What is the downside of testing those waters? None. You only feel stuck; you are not actually stuck.

You can't exercise because your job requires you to life heavy trays and walk around with them? This is a "duh" moment Stace... you don't really need exercise if your job is exercising you!! We desk sitters need exercise, not you. So: *success* - you have found a job where you move around and lift things, and you can spend your spare time writing music instead.

Hair growing part: this is the really cool thing, and I swear it's totally true: guys LOVE variation. We love it when you women look different all the time. And as a woman you have the glorious luxury of trying out different looks all the time; and while you grow it out you can try all kinds of things, until you get the style that fits your cut that month, and suddenly a new look and *success* who wants to be the same all the time anyway?

No friends - aside from the ones in this thread. *success*

Every day, there will be a moment of joy that you can find. If you think differently, every customer will not be a potential asshole, but a potential moment of happiness. When you find the good and treasure it, it will do you good in the long run.

Look at how your experience with assholes affected you. You took it seriously, and it hurt you. It hurt you much longer and harder than it did during the time when you had to deal with the assholes. It stayed with you for days, and during those days it put a dark cloud over your head.

And now you are concentrating on the cloud!

You have the power to not let that happen; all you need to do is to treasure the good moments, and let the bad moments roll off your back.

staceyv · 03-01-2004, 01:18 PM

my goal is to go to a doctor and see if i can fix my cramp issues. then i want a different job. problem is, i only have experience as a waitress, veterinary technician and receptionist. receptionist is the only position i'd be willing to take, and i feel like i'd be trading in this stupid job i hate for a job where i have to work twice as much to make the same amount of money and i don't necessarily like. you know what i'd really love? to be a housewife like in the forties and fifties. just cook, clean, do laundry,( play my guitar, go to the gym), iron, budget household expenses, have sex, maybe take a few classes, some karate classes maybe, have a band on the side, maybe have a kid or two and have lots of time to do mommy stuff.....i just want to domestic things that do not involve working with the general public! and i don't care about having a lot of money, as long as the bills are paid and i have cigarettes...and i am waaaay too afraid to quit those.

staceyv · 03-01-2004, 01:27 PM

undertoad, thanks for your uplifting post. you have a unique way of looking at things differently and making the problems seem a little bit smaller. i guess the friend thing isn't an issue for me if i can come here and get advice like that.

headsplice · 03-01-2004, 01:40 PM

You know, I might get hollered at for this, but you might want to consider finding a church to join. I say this not because I think Jesus will help you find your way to happiness. In fact, I do not think that at all. However, a church (particularly one of the less militant variety) offers you several things: -1)a social group outside of your home -2) counseling for all sorts of mental problems (that didn't sound nice, but I'm referring to smoking in this case) -3) some sort of structure to your life.
I have no idea whether or not this will help you. But, churches were (and are for a lot of people) a center of the community and for the most part there are lots of people willing to help there.
Good luck.

OnyxCougar · 03-01-2004, 01:46 PM

I have been where you are.

I had food allergies so bad that I could hardly eat. No dairy, no grains (wheat, rice, barley), no green vegetables, no seeded fruits (tomatoes, strawberries, apricots, peaches, etc), no chocolate. Also allergic to animal dander, 52 different grasses and pollens and dust. I'm actually in a medical journal somewhere.

I've been a waitress. And it sucks. But it's flexible. And gives you days off when the cramps are bad. Keep that and in the meantime, GO TO SCHOOL. Yes, you have to actually sacrifice something. Take one class a day, Monday through Thursday, make Friday a study/research/homework day, with weekend days for your man. I did that for 2 years, and I'm about to do it again when I start at ECU this fall. Only I will have one or both of my kids back by then, so I may have day car issues, but I'll work it out.

See, that's what life is partially about. Prioritizing. How important is school to you? If you make it a priority, then you will go. You will sacrifice [insert word here... time, money, etc] to get what you want. If your parnet loves you as much as he says he does, he'll be understanding that you are doing this to better yourself (and through your improved happiness, him). But you gotta want this. Enough to work full time and then go to class 4 days a week for 3 hours, then put in homework time.

I know you can do it. The question is this. How tired of your current life are you, and what will you do to change it?

staceyv · 03-01-2004, 01:59 PM

headsplice, the church thing was a nice idea, but i'm not sure if i even believe in god, or the bible was written by some form of early goverment to make people behave...i honestly don't know. i can't say i don't believe there's a god either, i just don't know, and i am not interested in joining a church or being religious. i make my own rules. i have morals and i know right from wrong, and i think a lot of those religious people are too judgemental and scared. and i just don't believe in turning the other cheek. i believe in hitting back..sorry.
i was in school when i started waitressing, and it was too much for me to handle. that's even before i was married and had to think about someone else. if i work, that's the ONLY thing i do that day. after work, i don't have the energy to go out. and before work, i have to rest so i can have the energy to get through my shift. nothing gets done on work days. and days off are for cleaning, shopping, doing whatever needs to get done. when i added school to that equation, i was completely overwhelmed and stressed out.
O.C, did you fix your allergies? make them even a little better? if so, tell me how!

03-01-2004, 09:44 AM	#1
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	i have nothing to lose i feel i have nothing to lose by spilling my guts to you all, because it seems to me that most of you either think i'm crazy or stupid or you don't respect me, etc. then again, some of you are really nice and give good advice...anyway, i posted this on another website, because i felt like i might get trashed here by posting it, but you guys know a lot about my life already and i guess i have nothing to lose by posting this here so here goes: my life sucks. maybe i'm whining...i mean, my family is healthy, i have a job and a place to live and i don't have a terminal illness or anything, but still, i feel that my life sucks. i am a 27 year old female. i have not one person in the world i can call a friend, except for my husband, and we are having problems. i smoke too much, i really hate my job (waitressing) and i'm afraid to get another job because i have to call out sick two days every month when i get my period because i get such bad cramps, i can't leave my bed and heating pad...and i'm afraid another job woudn't be so tolerant of that! so i feel i'm stuck in this job i hate, dealing with some pretty nasty people, and that is basically my entire life. go to the job i hate, eat sleep, feel bad about my realtionship. i have so many food allergies and intolerances that i can't go out to eat. i live on potatoes, fish and apples. if i stray from that basic diet, i get upset stomach, headaches, etc..i used to go to all different doctors, and they found gluten intolerance and low blood pressure, but none of them were any help. i gave up trying to ever eat like a normal person again. i used to have long blonde hair and i felt so pretty. then i dyed it black, thinking it would look exotic, but it was so unhealthy i had to cut it all off and now i have this stupid,ugly short black hair, so i'm not happy with my appearance, either. i was happy when i used to go to the gym 6 days a week. i felt really good, but since i started waitressing three and a half years ago, i can't work out because i get low blood sugar attacks at work and my muscles feel too weak to carry the trays and i just don't feel i have the energy to do both! so i sacrificed my workouts for this stupid job i hate. i also dropped out of college when i started because i felt so overwhelmed by the damn job and the stress, and i felt that i needed to simplify my life and reduce my stress load, so no more school and studying- gotta pay the rent and the credit card bills! so this job makes it hard for me to work out or go to school, but i fel stuck in it because of my stupid period and the fact that i either need to call out sick two days, or work three weks and take a week off. where else am i going to work that will tolerate that? especially from a new employee? so, my life sucks because of 1) job i hate and i feel stuck in 2) marital problems 3) no friends or social support 4) no goals for the future, no idea of what to do with myself 5) severe menstrual cramps that interfere with my life 6) major cigarette addiction 7) financial problems like credit card debt, and living week to week with no savings and no end in sight 8) unhappy with appearance and nothing i can do except wait over a year until my hair grows 9)can't excercise, even though i want to, because it interferes with work 10) can't eat like normal people. sick of explaining it to people, can't go out to eat. i feel hopeless and depressed. i used to have goals. now i can't even think of anything i want to do...and when i do get an idea, like "i would be a great accountant, i should go to school for it" all i see are LIMITATIONS! how would i pay for it? i could never handle work and school, that's why i dropped out the first time, if i studied and worked, i would have no time for my husband or myself, what if i did become an accountant? do they want me working for them if i'm calling out sick twice a month? i'm like this with everything. my life feels controlled by limitations from my JOB and my period and i hate it. i can't see a way out. my husband doesn't make enough money for me to not have to work. i make more than him. i just had to get all this out of my system, i feel so hopeless and miserable. at least maybe i can make someone else feel better about their own life.

03-01-2004, 11:09 AM	#6
Kitsune still eats dirt Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 3,031	School sounds like a good idea. Yes, it's hard... but I think you have to try, or you'll be kcikign yourself forever. School turned out to be my solution for overcoming the depression I was in -- it is challenging, keeps you busy, sets goals for you, and leaves you feeling that you've accomplished something after you've gotten through a class or even a small project. Finding time for school, however, is another stressing factor. When I was unable to attend classes, I picked up a hobby that got me doing something: photography. Keeping the mind busy is important to good mental health and I've found that a hobby cures depression really well. We are, after all, just monkies with OCD. 5) severe menstrual cramps that interfere with my life This subject made my list of why my life is miserable, too, but it read "women with severe menstrual cramps interfere with my life". duck Last edited by Kitsune; 03-01-2004 at 11:14 AM.

03-01-2004, 11:22 AM	#7
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	I can't begin to address all that but I can make a suggestion or two that you can try if you are game. At your job, be sure to smile and greet people and act like you enjoy serving them. Some folks will still act like jerks to you but I promise the jerk count will decrease and some folk will actually smile back and be nice back. If you are a bitchy waitress (not saying you are but IF you are) then bitchy customers are a certainty. I was a waiter for five years so I know the drill. Secondly, find some time to help the less fortunate. Volunteer somewhere - old folks home, battered women's shelter, soup line, whatever. In my experience, it is very hard to feel depressed when helping others. It sounds like you don't feel in control of your life. Not something that can be dealt with in the Cellar but if you want true peace you must find a way to regain control of your life and not feel like a victim. If you aren't running your life then who is? Report back with some progress - that's an order. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

03-01-2004, 11:41 AM	#9
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Stace, you really need to develop some goal to be working toward. So many folks give up on the idea that life can be meaningful, it'd be a shame for you to join them. Find a goal that appeals to you and take some small steps toward it. You've got to force yourself to believe that you control your destiny. Poor decisions you've made in the past don't change that. good luck g __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

03-01-2004, 01:40 PM	#13
headsplice Relaxed Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Minneapolis Posts: 676	You know, I might get hollered at for this, but you might want to consider finding a church to join. I say this not because I think Jesus will help you find your way to happiness. In fact, I do not think that at all. However, a church (particularly one of the less militant variety) offers you several things: -1)a social group outside of your home -2) counseling for all sorts of mental problems (that didn't sound nice, but I'm referring to smoking in this case) -3) some sort of structure to your life. I have no idea whether or not this will help you. But, churches were (and are for a lot of people) a center of the community and for the most part there are lots of people willing to help there. Good luck. __________________ Don't Panic

03-01-2004, 10:08 AM	#2
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	Stacey, I am not going to tell you that you had better be thankful for everything you have, blah blah blah. I'll bet you hear that on a regular basis. It sounds as though you feel isolated and depressed. I get that way, too sometimes. It's really hard to come up with a solution to your problems when you are focused so heavily on how badly they make you feel. But, I think it might be worthwhile to immerse yourself in something that makes you happy, whatever that is. Maybe you like to paint. Get yourself some colors you like and just paint for an afternoon. Whatever makes you happy, you should do for yourself. You mentioned you like cooking for your husband. Think about something YOU want to eat...maybe try cooking in a cuisine completely foreign to you. You can learn alot about cooking that way. Do something to improve yourself...not necessarily college, if you don't have the time or energy for that. Maybe take a martial arts class, or learn how to knit. There are lots of things you have occupy yourself with that can be rewarding, if you let yourself basque in those little accomplishments. Do something for yourself and have the courage to feel good about yourself in whatever you are doing. case

03-01-2004, 10:49 AM	#3
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	Stacey, I could have written a lot of what you wrote. I really feel like I'm on a treadmill now--I'm not sure there's much point to a lot of what I'm doing. (Except for posting on the Cellar, which is an obvious benefit to society.) I never go anywhere and have little social life. I admit that this is partly due to my own kind of introverted personality, but it's also due to the pressures of work and family commitments. And as for my wife & I going out together... don't get me started on the difficulty of finding babysitters. Let's just say I didn't get rejected by this many 15-year-old girls when I was in high school!! School sounds like a good idea. Yes, it's hard... but I think you have to try, or you'll be kcikign yourself forever. Maybe you can talk to someone else who's been through it? I dunno. I've also thought about another degree, though in my case it's far from clear what degree that would be and what benefit it would be to me. And I'm certainly not going to weigh in on "female problems." But you might read this.... it may not be news to you... http://archive.salon.com/mwt/feature...11/25/periods/

03-01-2004, 10:58 AM	#4
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	because i am a heavy smoker, it's kind of risky for me to take birth control, plus i used to be on it when i was a teenager and i had blackouts and heart palpitations from it. i stay away from any forms of synthetic hormones now. my body is hypersensitive or something, i can't even take pain relievers...advil used to work so well for me, but now it gives me nausea and dizziness and shakiness, and aspirin makes the pain worse. tylenol just doesn't work for cramps. interesting idea, though. thanks.

03-01-2004, 11:02 AM	#5
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	I get wretched cramps (even on BC) and nothing works for the pain except Aleve.

03-01-2004, 01:18 PM	#10
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Stace, The good news is that your story is not at its end, and while you feel out of control of your situation, it's only you who will write the rest of your story. The truth, I believe, is simpler than you or anyone else thinks it is. You have come to think of your situation as bad, and you have found all the bad in it. But you know, it's still up to you to find the good in it. You have found all the bad in it, and concentrated on that. What comes of it? Well now you have experienced the worst possible feeling; you have dug into the bad of every part of your life, and at the end of it, you still have a life and you still care and you still want to improve your lot. Success. Many people get to that point and never care again, and live lives of terrible desperation and experience no joy. They choose not to care. You care. Ergo you have one component of what you need. You feel stuck in your current job, but you aren't really, and you know that. You're a little scared to test the waters and try to find an employer who will allow you your time. What is the downside of testing those waters? None. You only feel stuck; you are not actually stuck. You can't exercise because your job requires you to life heavy trays and walk around with them? This is a "duh" moment Stace... you don't really need exercise if your job is exercising you!! We desk sitters need exercise, not you. So: success - you have found a job where you move around and lift things, and you can spend your spare time writing music instead. Hair growing part: this is the really cool thing, and I swear it's totally true: guys LOVE variation. We love it when you women look different all the time. And as a woman you have the glorious luxury of trying out different looks all the time; and while you grow it out you can try all kinds of things, until you get the style that fits your cut that month, and suddenly a new look and success who wants to be the same all the time anyway? No friends - aside from the ones in this thread. success Every day, there will be a moment of joy that you can find. If you think differently, every customer will not be a potential asshole, but a potential moment of happiness. When you find the good and treasure it, it will do you good in the long run. Look at how your experience with assholes affected you. You took it seriously, and it hurt you. It hurt you much longer and harder than it did during the time when you had to deal with the assholes. It stayed with you for days, and during those days it put a dark cloud over your head. And now you are concentrating on the cloud! You have the power to not let that happen; all you need to do is to treasure the good moments, and let the bad moments roll off your back.

03-01-2004, 01:27 PM	#12
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	undertoad, thanks for your uplifting post. you have a unique way of looking at things differently and making the problems seem a little bit smaller. i guess the friend thing isn't an issue for me if i can come here and get advice like that.

03-01-2004, 01:46 PM	#14
OnyxCougar Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kingdom of Atlantia Posts: 2,979	I have been where you are. I had food allergies so bad that I could hardly eat. No dairy, no grains (wheat, rice, barley), no green vegetables, no seeded fruits (tomatoes, strawberries, apricots, peaches, etc), no chocolate. Also allergic to animal dander, 52 different grasses and pollens and dust. I'm actually in a medical journal somewhere. I've been a waitress. And it sucks. But it's flexible. And gives you days off when the cramps are bad. Keep that and in the meantime, GO TO SCHOOL. Yes, you have to actually sacrifice something. Take one class a day, Monday through Thursday, make Friday a study/research/homework day, with weekend days for your man. I did that for 2 years, and I'm about to do it again when I start at ECU this fall. Only I will have one or both of my kids back by then, so I may have day car issues, but I'll work it out. See, that's what life is partially about. Prioritizing. How important is school to you? If you make it a priority, then you will go. You will sacrifice [insert word here... time, money, etc] to get what you want. If your parnet loves you as much as he says he does, he'll be understanding that you are doing this to better yourself (and through your improved happiness, him). But you gotta want this. Enough to work full time and then go to class 4 days a week for 3 hours, then put in homework time. I know you can do it. The question is this. How tired of your current life are you, and what will you do to change it?

03-01-2004, 01:59 PM	#15
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	headsplice, the church thing was a nice idea, but i'm not sure if i even believe in god, or the bible was written by some form of early goverment to make people behave...i honestly don't know. i can't say i don't believe there's a god either, i just don't know, and i am not interested in joining a church or being religious. i make my own rules. i have morals and i know right from wrong, and i think a lot of those religious people are too judgemental and scared. and i just don't believe in turning the other cheek. i believe in hitting back..sorry. i was in school when i started waitressing, and it was too much for me to handle. that's even before i was married and had to think about someone else. if i work, that's the ONLY thing i do that day. after work, i don't have the energy to go out. and before work, i have to rest so i can have the energy to get through my shift. nothing gets done on work days. and days off are for cleaning, shopping, doing whatever needs to get done. when i added school to that equation, i was completely overwhelmed and stressed out. O.C, did you fix your allergies? make them even a little better? if so, tell me how!

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