Alternet weighs in against Santorum

[Troubleshooter]

Goddamn this is some seriously funny shit.

http://www.alternet.org/story/23578/

To Rick, With Love

By Michael Blanding, AlterNet. Posted July 16, 2005.

We, the depraved citizens of Boston, would like to thank Sen. Santorum for recognizing our city as the modern-day Gomorrah that it is, and pointing out all the ways that Boston has led to the moral decline of the nation.

Dear Sen. Santorum,

On behalf of the depraved, morally relativistic citizenry of Boston, I just wanted to thank you for finally giving us the credit that we deserve. In fact, I was just taking a break from some man-on-dog sex with my Weimaraner, Hank, when I read your comments about our moral cesspit of a city. You called Boston a sick culture that sanctions alternative lifestyles, and said it was no surprise that Boston, a seat of academic, political, and cultural liberalism in America, lies at the center of the storm of the Catholic priest child sex abuse scandal of a few years back.

...snip...

And that's just the beginning. The Boston Tea Party? Please, have you ever heard of a more gay-sounding political protest? And all that bunk about not firing until you see the whites of their eyes. We're lucky Colonel Prescott and the boys at Bunker Hill didn't get so lost in the eyes of those strapping, young redcoats that they forgot to pull their triggers. Don't even get me started on Paul Revere and his horse! Some might say that political liberalism was the backbone on which this country was founded -- you know, the respect for liberty and the rights of the individual passed down from John Locke to Thomas Jefferson. But you and I both know that really leads to nothing but dog-sex and child abuse. We're lucky this county ever got founded at all!

...snip...

Now, I'd like to say that Boston has repented of its wanton ways since those days of yore. But as you know from your many, many first-hand visits here, the situation has only gotten worse. The academic liberalism at such institutions as Massachusetts Institute of Technology has led to inventions such as the computer and the Internet, created especially to more easily deliver porn to our children. And then there are all of the Harvard University graduates who have gone on to spread their doctrine of promiscuity around the world (I exclude, of course, alumni like George W. Bush, L. Paul Bremer, Bill O’Reilly, William Rehnquist, Tom Ridge and Mitt Romney).

..snip...

As for political liberalism, well, so what that we've had 14 years of Republican governors here in Massachusetts, and a state legislature so socially conservative it just allowed the sale of beer on Sunday. That's all canceled out by the craven stand of our courts last year in legalizing gay marriage. To be sure, it may seem like opposition to the issue has subsided here since the predicted apocalypse after legalization didn't occur. But I assure you, we Bostonians have been scandalized for months watching gay and lesbian couples argue about taking out the trash and doing the dishes rather than gyrating shirtless to thumping techno music in dance clubs where they belong.

...more...