Sad and happy

[morethanpretty]

Last week my b/f and I found an apt in a favorable location between our workplaces and close to our campus. Yea! The rent is affordable but I knew that I would need more money to cover all of my expenses w/out having to pull from my savings. I told my General Manager that I would be needing a $2 raise, he gave me a $1 raise, right then, and assured me that he would give me a 2nd one in a couple of months. I was proud that I didn't get overly nervous and cried when I went to talk to him, normally I would in that sort of situation.

In k-garten I became friends w/ a boy in my class and we've known each other ever since, my older bro later became friends w/ his older bro. Their mother, Teresa, had MS and was mostly house bound and my mother ended up becoming her friend and they would eat lunch, talk about us kids, and the Bible. I also started to get to know Teresa and often sought her mature advice, for awhile I cleaned house for her and we bonded alot during that time, and I've tried to make regular visits, I even had her approve my b/f. A few weeks ago Teresa was admitted to the hospital and the doc eventually decided she had pneumonia. She seemed to be better and they released her. I never visited her in the hospital b/c I HATE seeing my sick loved ones there. She had a relapse soon after release, and this 2nd time she was sedated/comatose, they weren't allowing visitors. I felt extremely guilty b/c I knew she was close and I probably wouldn't get to see her before she died. They started allowing visitors again on Sat/Sun b/c they didn't think she would make it. I went and saw her Sun. and said my own private goodbye to her. Her huspand made the decision to have the respiratory removed Mon. we all agree that it was for the best and that would be her wish. She made it very very clear.
I worked today but I told my mother to call if things...changed. After I got off work, I hadn't got a call and I decided that no news was good news, so I stoped by the hospital to sit w/ her for a bit. I walked into her room and saw an unrecognizable woman sitting w/ red rimmed eyes. Me," um, hello" Her, "Hi, who are you?" Me,"I'm sorry I was lookin for my friend, Teresa." Look over to bed, dead person, NOT my Teresa. Her,"Oh yes thats Teresa, she passed away at 5 oclock" Very surprised, confused, pained me concludes that a recently dead person just does not look the same as known live person. Me ,"I was a friend of hers" Her,"I'm her daughter" Uh Oh...Teresa didn't not have a daughter. Me,"Oh I'm sorry, this isn't the Teresa I knew" She assures me that thats ok, I give my condolences on her loss, she says that they prolly just moved my Teresa, but I doubted. I hunted down the nurse and found out from her that my Teresa had in fact passed away that morning. So I called my mother and informed her, she had been caught up at work and had missed the phone call.
I have to admit that although the situation at the hospital was horrible and embarrassing, Teresa would have found it hilarious. And on the way home I did laugh about it as I was crying.
So although I lost a good friend, and I still feel guilty about not visiting her when she could still communicate, I think that she in a better place.
I'm excited about possibly having my own place despite these recent sad events, and I think that Teresa wouldn't want her passing to stop me or to darken the experience. I'm glad to have known her and to have the benefit of her advice, even when I didn't like it.

[limey]

Mixed feelings at a loss are almost inevitable. It's good that you can see that Teresa would have seen humour in the mix up at the hospital. To me, a lasting friendship is one from which you can carry benefits forward throughout your life - and if Teresa's advice and sense of humour are things you can refer to in the future then that will help to keep her memory alive for you. I'm sure that she, as a friend of yours, would not want the move to a place of your own to be overshadowed by her death, so move forward with your life knowing that she'd be happy for you - I'm sure she would.

[Elspode]

Gad, what an unfortunate confusion, adding to your already stressed heart. May peace be with you and yours during this time of sorrow.