How to Give a Cat a Pill

[Big Sarge]

How to Give a Cat a Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand, as the cat opens its mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the hateful cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

[TheMercenary]

cute.

[binky]

I'd say that should be in humor thread, but I just had to medicate a cat for 10 days a while back, and there are some definite familiar parts of that one.

[lumberjim]

it's much easier to just put it up the cats ass, but getting the poop out from under your fingernails is kinda gross.

[TheMercenary]

Silly man, use your tongue.

[Sundae]

We worked with a guy who was too embarrased to tell his GP he couldn't swallow tablets (I am always suspicious of this, but don't want to alienate any Dwellars). he had antibiotics to take and in the end was bullied into it every day by the four strong women in our team. I joked that we should wrap him in a towel, open his mouth forcibly and then stroke his throat til he swallowed. After day one, I did see a glint in my Manager's eye that suggested she was considering it.

For the record, he did take the course and was fine. It just took a lot of female attention, which in hindsight was what he craved!

[barefoot serpent]

pill pockets

[Undertoad]

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

I joked that we should wrap him in a towel, open his mouth forcibly and then stroke his throat til he swallowed.

Waterboarding is torture.

[lumberjim]

why don't they just make pet medicine meat flavored? they make cherry flavored kid medicine....

[BrianR]

they do.

[Juniper]

I would rather give it a shot. Seriously.

I had a diabetic cat a few years ago, and I thought the vet was certifiably insane when she told me I'd have to give this cat (that I totally adored) a shot twice a day.

After a while, when I got out the syringe and vial, this cat would actually run over to me and get up on the kitchen chair. He was so smart, I guess he knew it made him feel better.

[Stress Puppy]

I have no problem giving a pill to a cat. In fact, in my apartment in RI, I was designated the kitty medicator. Includes pills, a liquid I had to squirt in his mouth, and also ended up meaning I had to give him baths when he got nasty smelly.

[Clodfobble]

For awhile, I had to insert a tube several inches down my pet snake's throat in order to squirt liquid medicine into him. He did not appreciate it, even though I coated it very well with lube like I was supposed to.

[lumberjim]

always lube the snake.




we had similar experiences to the initial post with our cats. i hate that shit.

[SquidGirl]

My cat was addicted to steroids a few years back. She started with sinus issues and fell into the way of drug abuse. I found her one day sniffing around a bottle of vicadin, but she stays pretty clean now.

I can give a cat a pill provided it's not a fat cat....one of my friends who had a diabetic cat also used to have me watch her cat whilst she was gone....I would give it shots (easier than pills).