The ex next door

[SamIam]

A few days ago, my so-called boyfriend announced out of the blue that he is moving to another state in 6 weeks. He had never even hinted to me that he was thinking of such a move.

Well, que sera,sera.

The problem is that he lives right next door to me, and everytime I see him, I get mad all over again. I'm fond of surgical goodbyes, myself, and this one is anything but. Does anyone have some thoughts about how I can deal with this?

[Trilby]

Try this: everytime you see him say to yourself, "thank god I missed that bullit!" any man who would do such a thing to one woman will do it to many women. Honey, it ain't you, it's HIM.

Oh, and I've also been taught to pray for people I despise. I'm even allowed to say, "God Almighty, please take care of the son-of-a-bitch, amen." Pretty cool, huh? and there's loads of testimony that this actually works!

[Bullitt]

Originally Posted by Brianna

Try this: everytime you see him say to yourself, "thank god I missed that bullit!" any man who would do such a thing to one woman will do it to many women. Honey, it ain't you, it's HIM.

Oh, and I've also been taught to pray for people I despise. I'm even allowed to say, "God Almighty, please take care of the son-of-a-bitch, amen." Pretty cool, huh? and there's loads of testimony that this actually works!

Aww somebody has been thinking about me!

[Juniper]

Thank your lucky stars he's moving, and not just breaking up with you.

Sounds like a good time to have a party. A really loud, fun, no holds barred party. And of course, you're not inviting him. Be sure to invite lots of good looking men.

[Trilby]

Oops! AND

Is it too late to blame my spelling errors on the chemo?

[Undertoad]

Scene: a front door. The house number "406" is visible. A man knocks at the door. Samiamex answers.

Man: Hi! I'm looking for Miss Samiam?
Samiamex: Uh, actually she lives next door, at 408.
Man: Oh, I'm sorry.
Samiamex: No problem, I was just packing.
Man: You live next door to her man? She's hot!
Samiamex: I guess.
Man: When I saw her at the office it was hard looking away.
Samiamex: Well, be my guest and go for it if you like.
Man: Whoa! No way! I could make that mistake if I didn't know what was in her test results...
Samiamex: Wait a minute, test results?
Man: Uh yeah... actually I'm just the courier from the clinic, I could get in trouble mentioning it, but uh, I'll just give you some friendly advice... (leans in) don't go near that ass my friend, it looks like she's been positive for a couple months now.
Samiamex: What!
Man: Yeah... (flips through papers) couple of things... they wanted me to get the news to her quick, this is the kind of thing that has to be addressed. She must have picked something up... two or three things actually. My advice is, don't hit that until it gets treated! Maybe not even then!
Samiamex: Shit. I already did!
Man: (expression changes) Are you serious? Whoa. Recently? Dude. Duuuude.
Samiamex: Ohhh... fuuuck! You gotta tell me what it is!
Man: (backs away) Oh crap dude, I'm already in big big trouble! Aw man, look, I'm tellin ya, just go to the emergency room and ask for every test they have, even the stuff that can be, like "hidden" and stuff!
Samiamex: shit shit shit shit

[Trilby]

I looooooove evil genius and that's why I love UT.

[Juniper]

That's really funny, but I thought the point was to make him regret leaving, not regret being with her in the first place. To each her own, though!

[lookout123]

He's a hoser. Help him to enjoy a trip to the doctor's office and laugh yourself silly. UT has it right. That way when you see him for the next few weeks you can just laugh and laugh.

[Shawnee123]

Great idea, UT!

@ Junie: who cares what he regrets, as long as he regrets?

[Clodfobble]

Well, look at it this way. Instead of your next-door neighbor, he could be your coworker, and instead of telling you he was leaving the state in six weeks, you could have only found out he was leaving the state in less than two weeks because your coworkers mentioned that he'd put in his two weeks' notice--oh hell, they thought you knew...!

[SamIam]

UT, I sprayed coffee al over my keyboard when I read your reply. I NEVER want to get on your bad side! The man in question is a hypochrondriac, anyway. I can just imagine the ensuing conversation with him.

SamIamex: (knocks timidly at my door)
SamIam: What do YOU want?
SamIamex: Just wondering how you are doing. Healthwise, I mean.
SamIam: How sweet of you to ask. The doctor's tell me if I get a liver transplant, I could live another 2 years. Of course that's not counting the other illnesses I have. I led a wild youth, you know.
SamIamex: Errr, not really.
SamIam: Look at the bright side, I hear Out of State Medical Center is quite good. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get my enzymes and viral load checked. Byeeee.

Brianna, you idea of praying for him is probably as good as any. I tend toward Buddhism, and that is one of their practices. In fact, they thank the person who harmed them, because that means that person gets to spend a stint in Buddhist hell for their actions. By making me suffer in this life, I get out of doing some of my own time in hell in my next life. How generous of that person to actually go to hell for me.

[sweetwater]

Just because he doesn't believe in surgical goodbyes doesn't mean you can't follow your preferred pattern. *poof* He's gone. There's an ex-shaped hole in the neighborhood and you have places to go and things to do. My cat taught me all about calmly ignoring people.

If you do not have such a cat in residence, then please try UT's gambit and quickly come back and post all about it here!

[Shawnee123]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

Well, look at it this way. Instead of your next-door neighbor, he could be your cow orker, and instead of telling you he was leaving the state in six weeks, you could have only found out he was leaving the state in less than two weeks because your cow orkers mentioned that he'd put in his two weeks' notice--oh hell, they thought you knew...!

I was sure someone would have "fixed it for ya" by now.

[SamIam]

Originally Posted by sweetwater

Just because he doesn't believe in surgical goodbyes doesn't mean you can't follow your preferred pattern. *poof* He's gone. There's an ex-shaped hole in the neighborhood and you have places to go and things to do. My cat taught me all about calmly ignoring people.

If you do not have such a cat in residence, then please try UT's gambit and quickly come back and post all about it here!

I have two cats who are currently watching TV. If you could only see the cats and not me, you would assume that I did not exist. BTW, The cats are looking at "Cold Case Files." I think they use it to get tips to avoid being traced back to all those song birds they murdered.