Teenagers are hard work!

[Aliantha]

So by now, most of you regs would know about Aden's troubles with his now ex gf. They broke up about 6 weeks ago, and a lot of that was because of one of Aden's so called mates sniffing around after her and just generally causing the usual school yard troubles. So anyway, last week, M and this boy became a bit of an item which really pissed Aden off. He felt betrayed etc. Anyway, yesterday M sent me a message saying she thought she'd made a big mistake getting involved with this other boy N and what did I think. I thought about it for a day or so, cause i was a bit disappointed with her for doing that, mostly because she was with Aden for over a year so we'd grown pretty close, hence the reason she wanted to talk to me about it all I guess.

In the end I told her that after all that had happened, I didn't think there was much hope of her getting back together with Aden if that's what she had in mind, but that if she didn't feel good in the relationship with N, she should probably be honest with him about it. I told her to really have a think about things and make a decision that's right for her, and that maybe she'd be better off just being single for a while instead of feeling like she needs to be part of a couple. We talked for quite a while, and she seemed to be feeling better about things and we said goodnight.

So this morning, I wake up and facebook has exploded. M broke up with N and a couple of the boys (who are in Aden's footy team) are saying all sorts of nasty shit. Most of the kids are staying pretty neutral, but the ones who have stuff to say are really sticking it to Aden, and the stupid part is that it's mostly because of my counsel that this has happened. I had told Aden M and I were talking and he was fine with it. He knows that she looks to me for advice about lots of things, so he wasn't too bothered.

Anyway, I was proud that Mav was backing his brother up, and that he intends to at school today, even though the same kids that are saying shit are his mates too.

Being a teenager is tough sometimes. Watching my boys go through it reminds me of the minefield it was when I was a kid too.

I don't suppose I'm the only one watching my kids deal with these sorts of emotional issues.

[monster]

I tend to friend the teenagers and then put them on "quiet" ....So I can see if I need to and be blissfully unaware otherwise. It sounds like the standard teenage crap from when I was one, it's just now more instantly in your face. your advice is sound IMO, but it may become awkward for your son. It's nice when the teens see you as a go-to person, and I think you gave sound advice to the ex GF re your son, but if it were me, I think at this point I'd say to her "I care about you and want to help you but I can't be impartial right now and It's probably better for A if I we cool it". Unless she has absolutely no-one else. But I have made the mistake in the past of trying so hard to be impartial and fair that I have ended up not defending my kids as much as a mama bear should.

[ZenGum]

Maybe this is why the age of consent is 16.

Sure, a 15 year old can manage the sex, even put on a condom ... it's what happens afterwards that is the problem.

[monster]

oh and I suggest they put me on "quiet" too, so I don't bore them to death

[Aliantha]

Yeah, that's right Zen. I asked Aden to try and protect M's reputation, because once it goes for a girl in high school, it's likely to be gone for good, and that makes school life pretty tough. I think Aden has a responsibility to do so anyway. It's not the same for boys, which is unfair, but it's the way it is. Still.

monster, yeah, I do try to be impartial as much as I can, but she did become part of the family in a way, and as I said to Aden, none of us broke up with her. Just him. They've still be talking though, so it's not like he's told me I can't talk to her. If he did, then I would because obviously my first loyalty is to him, but M's own Mum is fighting cervical cancer at the moment, and I'm pretty sure the reason M looks to me is because she doesn't want to worry her own Mum. and to be honest, her own Mum is really not equipped at the moment to cope with extra stuff that in all likelihood would be very emotional for her as the Mum anyway. So the door has remained open because we have built up a trust relationship and M and Aden are still trying to be friends anyway, which I'm proud of them both for doing. It's not usually how things like this go.

eta: although I haven't said it to M, I believe that the part of her that needs the security of a relationship is largely because of what's going on with her Mum over the last couple of years. Maybe it'll come up one day. I try to usually just let her do the talking and just add a bit here and there if she specifically asks.