A poem...

[Lady Sidhe]

If I'm one of your least favorite people, don't even bother reading this, because I really can't deal with any more right now. I'm serious. Say, "hey, nice meter, nice rhyme," or "dude, that sucks ass," or "why is your poetry so fucking depressing?" or whatever...I can deal with that, because I really only write for myself. But I truly can't take anymore shit about whining or whatever, cause I'm feeling more desolate and hopeless than I've ever felt in my life ....

I only write poetry when I'm severely depressed, so don't expect anything warm and fuzzy...My life is about as low as it can get right now, and even though the poetry doesn't make it all better or relieve the pain, it at least gets it out a little, you know?...And maybe it can make someone who's feeling the same way feel a little better knowing that they're not alone....

Sidhe


I WAS WRONG

There's no such thing as "love" or "us,"
"Forever" is a lie--
A happy start, then finding fault, and finally,
"goodbye."

It sucks you dry, it breaks your heart,
It rips your soul to shreds-
then lays the blame upon your feet, until
you wish that you were dead.

And there you sit, an empty husk,
with nothing left to give-
crying seas of tears and blood, and
seeking a reason to live.

"It's over" echoes in your mind,
as you stare at the remnants of your trust
lying shattered in a pile,
thrown to mingle with the dust.

"Goodbye" rings sweetly in his ears,
already you're forgotten-
A piece of garbage swept away,
flawed and old and rotten.

So never trust, and never love
and never give your heart away-
'Tis better if you never love, for
Oh! The price that you will pay!

The photographs twist in your heart,
the memories twist it more-
The Dagger of What Could Have Been
and What Had Gone Before.

The price of You, Yourself, your Trust,
your Love and Faith and Heart-
for words are only that--just words--
and they'll tear your Soul apart.

What is meant is never said,
what's said is never meant-
Hear me now, and listen close--
"I love you, need you" is the hint.

Do not believe the sweetened words,
the tears, the desperate hug-
For all the promises are empty
and the Grave's already dug.

So heed the voice of one who knows,
Of one who gave her Life
because she Loved, because she Hoped,
Whose Heart has felt The Knife.


Angelia Bernard
LadySidhe
24 May 2005

[elSicomoro]

TS, could you kindly let us know that you're alright?

[Lady Sidhe]

Wait a minute....I pour the unendurable pain of my soul out in a poem, and you're asking if HE'S ok?


Next time, try an IM, cause that's cold-hearted, Syc. Really.

[Troubleshooter]

See my post in Technology, I'm sill here,

[elSicomoro]

Originally Posted by Lady Sidhe

Wait a minute....I pour the unendurable pain of my soul out in a poem, and you're asking if HE'S ok?


Next time, try an IM, cause that's cold-hearted, Syc. Really.

Hey, Sidhe, I need a small favor from you.

Could you go whine at someone that actually gives a fuck? Appreciate it!

[Lady Sidhe]

Bite my ass, Sycamore. You don't like my posts, don't read 'em. It's not rocket science....hmmm...well, maybe for you....

[kerosene]

LS, you asked for criticism on a poem in which you poured out your soul. You set yourself up for it.

[elSicomoro]

Originally Posted by Lady Sidhe

Bite my ass, Sycamore. You don't like my posts, don't read 'em. It's not rocket science....hmmm...well, maybe for you....

If there is one thing you've shown during your time here is that you're a drama queen who can't take the heat, but will take pot shots at her husband. So, how about you pour yourself a heaping bowl of Shut Your Fucking Piehole Bitch and suck it?

You've always seemed a bit unstable, so I was checking on your husband. Oh, I'm sorry...are we supposed to be hating on TS right now? My bad...you fucking idiot.

[Lady Sidhe]

Originally Posted by Lady Sidhe

Wait a minute....I pour the unendurable pain of my soul out in a poem, and you're asking if HE'S ok?


Next time, try an IM, cause that's cold-hearted, Syc. Really.

JOKE.
Not changed in the least.

If I'd been serious, I'd've said something more along the lines of,

"Excuse me?!? Did you HAVE to be such a jerk, Sycamore? I'M the one who's miserable here..."

But I didn't. I stuck a lot of smileys in there and didn't use your full name.
Maybe we did have a misunderstanding, and I'm willing to concede on that.

All of this could have been avoided if you hadn't retaliated by making comments on my personality, such as "unstable," when you don't know me, and cursing me out; a simple "just checkin' on TS, cause you know how women can be.. " or something along those lines, would've been a more appropriate reply. I don't take kindly to being called any of the names you have thus far called me.

TS and my relationship may be presently precarious, and I may be emotional about it, but even he has more respect for me and doesn't talk to me like that. And he knows me better than anyone else. I'll be damned if I'll let a stranger do so.

[elSicomoro]

Originally Posted by Lady Sidhe

I stuck a lot of smileys in there and didn't use your full name.

Those smileys had no smiles.

And as far as the name...plenty of people make "negative" comments to me using "Syc."

All of this could have been avoided if you hadn't retaliated by making comments on my personality, such as "unstable," when you don't know me, and cursing me out; a simple "just checkin' on TS, cause you know how women can be.. " or something along those lines, would've been a more appropriate reply. I don't take kindly to being called any of the names you have thus far called me.

Sorry, Sidhe, but you DO seem a bit unstable to me...note that I specifically said "seem." Perhaps you consider it venting or whatever, but to call your husband out like you did on this board, not to mention the serious tone of your poem and my education and experience...it's not hard to draw the line, IMO. Of course, I'm no expert and I'm not around you all the time, hence the use of "seem."

Why do you care what I called you? Seriously. I think that you got what you deserved, though. *shrugs* You kept coming back for more, even though you said you would stop...twice.

TS and my relationship may be presently precarious, and I may be emotional about it, but even he has more respect for me and doesn't talk to me like that. And he knows me better than anyone else. I'll be damned if I'll let a stranger do so.

Of course your husband isn't going to say what I did...not unless he has a death wish.

Respect is a two-way street. I feel that I've shown you respect in the past, which you have then shit on. Therefore, I do not feel obliged to show you any respect. Now, if you don't give me any more crap for a while, and if I ask about anything that's unclear in the future...we'll see...

[lumberjim]

YOW.

sycamore, you heartless fuck.

LS, i know i rank right up there with your 'haters' in your mind.

i can put that aside if you can. i feel for you. we dont have to choose sides to empathize with you. the specifics of your issues with ts are irrelevant. i'm sorry you;re feeling bad right now.

as for the poem.....if it expresses what you feel, and helps to congeal that vague burning in your stomach in to something you can deal with, then it's great. the thing with poetry is that you have to be in a similar state as the author to apreciate it properly. i will argue with the sentiment, however.

there IS such a thing as love and us, and forever is possible.

a snippit from a song:

"hey, my love, do you believe that we might last a thousand years if not for this flesh and blood?"

i do.

it may just be that you haven't found 'him/her' yet. learn to love yourself again, grasshopper. the rest will follow.

feel better......and have some chocolate.

[Clodfobble]

I'm really sorry you're depressed Sidhe, and that things aren't going well for you right now.

But it's really awkward and uncomfortable (for me at least) when you post such intimate things about your relationship when your husband is also on this board. I know you've done it before, and it appears TS doesn't really have a problem with it. But it makes me queasy.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Lady Sidhe

Say, "hey, nice meter, nice rhyme," or "dude, that sucks ass," or "why is your poetry so fucking depressing?" or whatever...I can deal with that, because I really only write for myself. ~~~SNIP~~~
and even though the poetry doesn't make it all better or relieve the pain, it at least gets it out a little, you know?...And maybe it can make someone who's feeling the same way feel a little better knowing that they're not alone....

Sidhe
Angelia Bernard
LadySidhe
24 May 2005

You write for yourself and posting doesn't help(you) but there might be a kidred spirit that will read it, understand it and be reasured by it?
At least that's what I got from the post. But, I wonder why you posted it in the Cellar rather than somewhere else? You've been away for a while so I assume there is a somewhere else(site) you've been hanging out.
I suppose there aren't many places you could post that without a flame retardant suit except maybe poetry sites with their attendant women and sensitive guys.

Now the poem itself, well done, basic gut level emotions everyone has felt to some degree at least once.
I can identify with the feelings. Might be the beginnings of a hit song.... blues or country.......it'd sell a lot of beer.

[Trilby]

Shoot--I didn't even know you and TS were married!
It's ok, LS. You know I feel a similar angst. We should get over it together and be better people and live a better life whatever may come along. Currently I am working on a spell to make fleas infest his pubic hair--I'll let you know if it works! Depression is anger turned inward. Don't get depressed, get even!*

*Or take the high road and be noble. Me, I'm incapable of it, but that's just where I am right now.

[Lady Sidhe]

LJ: No, you're not on my hater's list. You've never been vicious to me. Not agreeing with me is not the same as being vicious. And thanks...

Clodfobble: Y'know, you're right. Noted and implemented.

xoBruce: Yeah, I wonder why I posted it here, too...I don't know..I was just typing, I guess, and sometimes I forget how things can go here.
And I really don't know why people have such a problem with me....I'm not the only one who holds my opinions, but it seems I'm the only one who gets slammed for them. I'm not hateful to people, I don't attack people personally...I'm a nice person, and I'm not unstable, despite the psychic diagnosis of Dr. Sycamore. (Does he really think that I would harm someone that I love, no matter how much I hurt? Jesus...). I guess I'm just used to a different style of debate. No one who knows me personally has a problem with it. I'm sorry if I come off like a bitch. I'm really not.


Brianna: Thanks. You're probably the only other person who can identify. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to, y'know? I keep forgetting that this aint the place ....do you ever just feel so frustrated that you wish you had a bed-sized pillow to beat and cry on, just to get it out? Yup, I'm there. I think half my problems come from taking the high road, but right now I just don't have the energy to do much else. Being vengeful isn't in my nature, though sometimes I wish it were...

Thanks again.